feelings early in transition

[GrayKat]

I have been on HRT since March 15th. I am feeling more and more like I am now headed in the right direction in life. I understand that this takes time. Fortunately, I have been watching YouTube hormone updates and know better what to expect and when.

I don't intend to go public as female unless I pass. I have a 'wait and see' attitude. See how far HRT takes me and then decide if coming out is right. Will I need FFS and if so, how much? That is a big question because its so ungodly expensive.

I know many of you are much further along than I am. I would like to know what you thoughts were early on and if it changed as you progressed.

[LizK]

My Thoughts were about trying stuff and seeing how I liked it and then progressing from there. But HRT was not until I decided to transition. This is not about whether I pass or not this is about getting some peace in my life...which thank god is slowly coming to me.

I don't intend to go public as female unless I pass

What do you think you will do if you don't perceive yourself as feminine enough to pass? Will you continue with your transition?

Whether or not you need FFS depends on how good your facial structure is and how badly you want to change the features you don't like. HRT will take a number of years to work properly and you can have FFS anytime you want but usually after beard removal because once removed it will change the face.

My feelings about many things have changed as I have progressed through to my current point in transition...was it something specific you wanted to know about. Maybe you could narrow it down a bit 

Liz

[Barb99]

My early thoughts were to take this slow and see how I felt after 6 months on HRT then maybe do FFS and voice surgery. I pictured it being 2 years before I could live full time as a woman. OMG did things change. At 6 months I was out to everyone except work and at 9 months was living full time as myself.

My primary goal changed from needing to pass 100% to being happy as me. Now at 2 years I'm very happy. If I ever win the lottery maybe I'll have FFS done, but I seem to get by just fine without it.

Give it 6 months and see how you feel. HRT seems to do wonderful things with the mind!

[Charlie Nicki]

My early thoughts were to take this slow and see how I felt after 6 months on HRT then maybe do FFS and voice surgery. I pictured it being 2 years before I could live full time as a woman. OMG did things change. At 6 months I was out to everyone except work and at 9 months was living full time as myself.

My primary goal changed from needing to pass 100% to being happy as me. Now at 2 years I'm very happy. If I ever win the lottery maybe I'll have FFS done, but I seem to get by just fine without it.

Give it 6 months and see how you feel. HRT seems to do wonderful things with the mind!

Charley

Wow this really gives me hope! I, like you and GrayKat, think that whenever I start HRT I will still be in boy mode until I feel like I can pass completely. But it makes me happy to read that things can definitely change for the better once you actually start.

[Chris8080]

I spent 6 months on a high dose HRT many years ago without a counselor or MD. Through much of that 6 months there was minor breast growth but nipple sensations started fairly quickly. Started to get some real breast development towards the end of the 6 months and the source of the hormones dried up. Quite depressing that was.

While the breast development was both wonderful and fascinating there was a bigger change that to me was even more important. Quickly after starting HRT there was a profound improvement in my mental attitude, in my overall well being. I just felt for the first time in my life truly wonderful in addition to much of the hopelessness I lived with all of my life fading away.

Fast forward to early this year when I discovered that finally there was professional help available to me and with a counselor and an MD I restarted on low dose HRT. The same effect of mentally at ease and overall feeling great came back quickly. Breast growth also restarted quite quickly which was a surprise considering this time it was low dose HRT.

So with over 9 months now on HRT to answer your question, other than larger breasts nothing has really changed from early on HRT though possibly an increasing feeling of so at peace, comfort, something wonderful and something just so right as time goes on. I've no way of knowing what the future will bring but for now my favorite line is borrowed from Susan of this forum . . . . . . "Becoming better than I was".

[Chris8080]

I should have mentioned in my above post, I haven't really seen much of any physical change other than breasts in the 9+ months. I don't know how common or uncommon that might be. I can say that for me it will take some doing for me with such a male physique to start with to see anything that may appear feminine.

[Axolotl]

My thoughts early on HRT were that it wasn't doing anything.  The only change I really noticed was skin softening.  I didn't notice any improvements in mood, and simply persisted because I refuse to let the lack of improvements stop me.  I'm now at 6 months, and I have improvements in breast growth, lost hair is regrowing, body hair is diminishing, and my hair texture is changing to something I can actually live with.  Even with all of that, my mood is not improving.  I basically am so dysphoric that I can barely even function.  I had complications with my job and I quit.  I can't work anymore and I don't know when I ever will be able to again.

As far as FFS goes, I am shocked at how many people think it's required as part of transition.  I'm hoping I never feel that I need it.  I do feel cheated by life for being born wrong, and I suspect that no amount of FFS will ever stop that feeling from persisting.

I have been trying to remove my facial hair for over a decade now, and it's so uncooperative that I had to quit laser.  Quitting laser was part of what added a 10 year delay in my transition.  I was doing electrolysis and it ended up leaving marks badly enough that I had to quit.  I am resuming electro in a couple of weeks.

[Daniellekai]

Pre HRT still here, but I'm on the way... I waited until I was already absolutely sure, spent a good six months constantly thinking about it, in every situation, what if I was female here... So I don't expect to get that feeling of finally being sure it's right, what I do expect is to slowly find it easier to tell people as it becomes more obvious, and it will... I'll be out one way or the other that's for sure. I'm hoping that FFS is unnecessary, but after a certain age (around 30 it seems) some facial features are too masculine, brow ridge and nose come to mind, but I'm not going to jump the gun on anything, I'll just wait and see for now, present male while I look male and keep changing my physical appearance to be more female until I no longer need to present as male. My end goal is to be unable to pass as male in any situation, got my work cut out for myself, but small changes add up and all, just losing enough weight will go a long way.

I'm in early thirties but I've never drank or smoked or done drugs, so I'm hoping I'll be able to look like someone who transitioned in their twenties, without much surgery, but if it comes down to it, I'll do what it takes.

[AlyssaJ]

My plan is a little different and something you may want to consider.  For me, I plan to go full-time when the effects of HRT force the issue.  In other words if my breasts get too large to be hidden or the changes in my face are so significant or something.  I bring this up because in my mind, those things could happen and yet I may not be completely "passable" in my mind.  But at 5'10" 160, walking around trying to pass off my breasts and moobs isn't going to work. 

Just some food for thought.

As far as FFS goes, I am shocked at how many people think it's required as part of transition.  I'm hoping I never feel that I need it.

I'm right there with you Axolotl.  My plan is to see how I look after the hormones have had some time to do their job and I'm hopeful that I won't need any FFS.  My avatar pic is me pre-HRT so that gives me some serious hope that I could go without any facial surgery.  As a singer, I also hope to avoid vocal surgery and instead focus simply on therapy/training to find a feminine voice.

[CarlyMcx]

Pre HRT still here, but I'm on the way... I waited until I was already absolutely sure, spent a good six months constantly thinking about it, in every situation, what if I was female here... So I don't expect to get that feeling of finally being sure it's right, what I do expect is to slowly find it easier to tell people as it becomes more obvious, and it will... I'll be out one way or the other that's for sure. I'm hoping that FFS is unnecessary, but after a certain age (around 30 it seems) some facial features are too masculine, brow ridge and nose come to mind, but I'm not going to jump the gun on anything, I'll just wait and see for now, present male while I look male and keep changing my physical appearance to be more female until I no longer need to present as male. My end goal is to be unable to pass as male in any situation, got my work cut out for myself, but small changes add up and all, just losing enough weight will go a long way.

I'm in early thirties but I've never drank or smoked or done drugs, so I'm hoping I'll be able to look like someone who transitioned in their twenties, without much surgery, but if it comes down to it, I'll do what it takes.

I've been on the gradual transition plan for nearly a year now.  I've reached a point where gendering is hit or miss, and appearing anywhere with my shirt off is no longer possible.  I will be swimming in bikinis this summer.

I'm 54, btw but took really good care of myself.

[Janes Groove]

I started living full time the day after I came out.  But I had softened the terrain and cushioned the blow by living as an openly gay man for 20 years beforehand.  It really wasn't that big a stretch for folks to get used to with me.  And I didn't have the suburban, heterosexual, cisgender life/expectations to extricate myself from.  I lived my first 6 months without HRT support and it was rough.  But after I started HRT things really began to change noticeably for me.  I'm glad I didn't deny myself that experience of living full time w/o HRT as it gave me a significant metric to judge other people's reactions to me as I continued/continue to change with my own personal gender metamorphosis journey.

[Daniellekai]

I've been on the gradual transition plan for nearly a year now.  I've reached a point where gendering is hit or miss, and appearing anywhere with my shirt off is no longer possible.  I will be swimming in bikinis this summer.

I'm 54, btw but took really good care of myself.

You look great in your profile pic too. I just got my endocrinology appointment made today, four months in the future! Still shorter than some wait lists I've heard of though... I can reach my weight goal before then of I lose the absolute maximum recommended per week for healthy weight loss (2% per week), not confident I can keep that up for four months but I'll give it a shot.

[GrayKat]

Some interesting stories. The beginning stages are the most uncertain. I will be glad when I have a year in.

[LizK]

Some interesting stories. The beginning stages are the most uncertain. I will be glad when I have a year in.

Yes exactly...give it some time

[AlyssaJ]

Yes exactly...give it some time

Agreed, same here.  Oh and BTW, I started 16 days after you did so we're kind of on the same track here

[KathyLauren]

I would like to know what you thoughts were early on and if it changed as you progressed.

I am just over three months on HRT.  Before starting, I was thinking that I wanted to transition fairly quickly due to my age.  At 62, I don't have more than 20-30 more years on this planet, so I wanted to make the most of my time.  So my plan was to try HRT for a couple of months and, unless something felt terribly wrong, go full-time at that point.

I didn't feel any huge "Eureka" moment on HRT.  It felt quite good, and my head was a tad quieter.  That was about it.  I waited three months and then started full time (one week ago now).  I wasn't waiting for a huge revelation; my criterion was that it didn't feel like a mistake, and it didn't.  I thought about what I was waiting for, and the answer was nothing, so I was ready.  And my boobs, while still tiny, were getting to the point where wearing T-shirts in male mode would soon become problematic.  So, passing or not, it was time.

I am in good physical shape and HRT has already been kind to my face, so I am somewhat passable, though I think I am still easily clocked.  (Eyebrows will have to go soon.)  I am less passable on the days leading up to my electrolysis sessions.  Bummer, but I can live with it.  Passability was never high on my list. 

I have no intention of going stealth, ever.  To me, that would be like jumping back into another closet.  This transition is about me being real.  So, if someone clocks me, that is reality, and I'm okay with it.  My goal is to be seen as a woman first and a trans-woman second.  The feedback I am getting so far suggests I am getting reasonably close to that on non-electrolysis days.  So it's all good at this point.

I have been on cloud nine since starting full-time.

[Jessica_Rose]

My plan is similar to AlissaJ's. I want to see what HRT does for me and how quickly or slowly the changes occur. I started facial hair removal (laser and electrolysis) in January of this year and HRT in late March. I plan to stay in male mode until the changes become obvious. Both my electrologist and HRT doctor commented that I do not have strong male features. Other than a trachea shave for a prominent Adam's apple, I am hoping HRT magic takes care of enough to make me passable.