Introduction

[barbie]

Karen,

Those two little holes are called in my country as 'bo jo gae', which can be translated into 'cheek clams'. Women with these holes could look cute, but an unproven old theory says those women will be lonely at old ages.

I am very optimistic, and tend to forgive some wrong doing or malice of other people. Then, most of them repay me later. Yes. Some of my supervisors indeed once treated me so badly, but in several years, they recognized my good will.

Similarly, when I am in feminine mode, some strangers tend to ignore me whether they think I am a man or a woman. There is implicit hierarchy system in my society based on financial status and social position. But, traditionally, the most important criterion is the level of education. Despite my normal salary level, my position is relatively high as I am a government employee and Ph.D. Once they know who I am, they no longer ignore me. Before that, most strangers sometimes even tease me, which I now accept as my destiny and give up. IMHO, women tend to ignore women more than men.

Karen, you seem to have a kind of foot fetishism. I also are attracted to feminine accessories, but I am mostly attached to legs and waist of women.

In my country, the number of foreign people has steadily been increasing, but they do not cause any serious social problem, except the employment rate labour unions concern about. I think the difference lies in spatial segregation, I mean those residental areas like ghetto do not exist in my country. Foreign people can not live separately. They all are absorbed into our society. It's comparable to the situation where Caucasians and African-Americans reside together in the same block or even in the same house in the U.S. There are ghetto-like areas even in Japan, but not in my country. Therefore the crimes committed by foreign employees are very rare here. An exception may be the U.S. army bases, and indeed the crime rate is relatively high there.

After that rape experience, I always feel how safe here is, but some people here still complain about security. I would recommend them to travel in other countries, especially the U.S.

Barbie~~

[Kaeren]

Barbie,

I don't think my destiny lies in being a lonely old woman in the future. Luckily for me the theory is unproven. I'm not sure we have a dutch word for those little holes.

I'm not surprised you are a Ph.D. I'm not.  But as you I have a normal salary.  And I am rising in the hierachy now.  Let's stop talk about work. I often feel bad thinking back about what I wrote before.

I do have a foot fetishism. It's true. I like my own feet and legs. The rest I like less. My wife does not like feet, especially male feet she says. I don't understand. There is nothing wrong with my feet, they are very nice.

My best friend at work is from Marocco. My wife is a foreigner also. I do not have anything against foreigners. I just have something against muslims. The asian people are nice and so are all the others. The blacks are cool. But those north africans are always the source of all trouble. And they do live in ghettos. 

When I fantasize being a woman I sometimes fantasize being raped or even asking to be raped. Fantasy and reality is a different thing of course.

Karen


Posted on: November 24, 2007, 08:02:59 AM
Barbie,

This is my wife. I also have 2 children. A boy of 4 and a girl of 2.



I might not leave this picture here for a long time. So if you don't see anything here please understand.

Karen

[barbie]

Karen,

She looks beautiful. I also like yellow color (and pink).

I do not have foot fetishism, and tend to ignore my foot health. After finishing several marathon courses, a few of my toenails became black as the shoe size was too tight, and I should have worn a little bit larger shoes during the marathon. And blisters come and go.

I am kind of narcissist and exhibitionist. I once was addicted to take my own photos. Nowadays, the frequency decreased but I still sometimes ask others to take photos of me.

I told that I tripped with my colleague and asked him to take my photos. On the same day, we stopped at a nearby restaurant owned by a young friend of my colleague. We had a lunch there, and I heard that the young owner is a professional photographer. So, I asked him a photo of myself. He said he did not have his own camera immediately, and I gave him my inexpensive digital camera. He took a photo within a few seconds, commenting that this would be just an usual instant photo. Anyway, this is a photo taken by an artist. My colleague insisted that I should hide the band area of the stockings, and my pants were too short to hide it. The below is that photo that was shrinked to fit this web page. I appreciated the open mind and kindness of the young photographer. My fashion on that day looked awkward in retrospect, which is usual.



Barbie~~

[Kaeren]

Barbie,

This is teasing. Such cool legs and feet ! I'm going to fall in love if you do this again.

I really try to take care about my feet now. I started to develop callosity on my feet. I still remember the way my fathers's feet were. he worked as a waiter during the week-end because his military job gave him much free time. But the result was bad feet.

I use Vichy Podexine. It works very well. The feet become soft again.

Don't you have Photoshop to change pictures ? ANother way to make them smaller is to drop them in the explorer window. Or in a program that can zoom them. Then hit the print screen button which puts the whole screen image on the clipboard. Afterwards you cut the smaller image with mspaint.

This is if you use windows of course as I do.

My wife is not only very beautiful she is also very intelligent. Her mother is a literature professor and her father a professor in Physics and aeronautical engineer ( rocket scientist ). My son is also smart, my daughter might be less ? I like talented people.

Kaeren



Posted on: November 25, 2007, 05:01:07 AM
Barbie,

I made love to my wife this night.  She was reading Harry Potter when I was a bit lower and then she stopped because reading became impossible I suppose.  Talking about my birthday present ( I asked underwear ), she asked me what exactly. First she said a bra perhaps ? I said no, I'd like to have a body. And then she said maybe a sleeping dress ? A sleeping dress would be cool also.  In fact I wanted a body because it could keep up the panties.  Otherwise they always fall down.  I don't have my present yet you know.

So we made love.  ............. And then I took of her sleeping dress. And instead of putting it away I put it on myself. She started laughing but to me it was excitement. It was a bit too small.

I'm not sure how far I can go with this before she might dislike it. And how mly childrfen will accept it. Children have an open mind but imagine my son tells at school his father has red feetnails at school. They will laugh at him and he will not understand.

I'll go to the sunbench also and I should go run like you do. I get a nice color very fast, much tanine in my skin but this is the winter for me. In 3 weeks I go to Spain also but even there it is not warl enough to stay in the sun now in a swimming suit.

Karen.

[barbie]

Karen,

Because I have 3 kids and the youngest one is just 3-yr girl, we are always busy taking care of them. My daughter always sleeps with my wife, and what she does first after waking up is going into her mother's arms. Even my two sons sleep with her, although my eldest son is now sleeping alone. The light in his room is turned on because he is afraid of darkness. Making love is a remote thing to us.

I hiked a low mountain today afternoon with my family. My first son refused to join us, and he stayed home to play internet games.

Barbie~~

[Kaeren]

Barbie,

My son Alexander is 4 and my daughter Erica is 2. Two is enough. We are also always busy with them. We is most my wife in fact, I admit. I go work she stays at home. And the children are also in the bed also ( our bed ).  For a long time I slept on the seat downstairs. I started doing that when I was ill once and couldn't stop coughing. Now I drink a lot of fresh orange juice and since I haven't had trouble anymore.

But after starting here on the forum my wife made me a remark that I stayed downstairs too long. Last week it was 1 AM once I believe while I have to get up at 5 to go work. I still need to drive an hour to go to Brussels. So yesterday after her remark I did went to sleep earlier.

My children sleep in the same room. And there is also a small light which is always on. There is athird room which is ok in fact but it has not been redone as the room of Alexander where Erica sleeps also now.

Today I worked in the kitchen. This summer I have broken everything down to the very stones and then I rebuild everything. New floor, new electricity, new kitchen, new machines ( from Paris - it's cheaper there in fact that's the reason ). It's nice now but it's not finished. I still need spots on the ceiling and the walls need to be finished and the electricity works but is not finished yet completely. Downstairs in the garage it is also a mess with the same electricity but it's my project and in the end it will be like domotic ( computerised electricity ).

I'm also reorganising my DVD's. I have half a terabyte now on an external harddisk. My pictures are a mess.

I'd like to live like you. It's nice to see how you do. The legging should be possible The skirt, .... I am afraid not.  Normally I'll be able to change my clothes now. I mean underneath or at home. I'm less afraid now and my wife normally accepted it. I haven't had hair on my legs for years, the painting of the nails in white she seems to accept also.

Karen.

[barbie]

Usually I take video for my family, but this summer my wife once did it for me.
With my daughter at a nearby beach.

http://bongrae57.net/bbs/data/mpge/songjeong2007.wmv

[Kaeren]

Barbie,

That's cool. The video at the beach. You have a nice color also. 

This was me when I was 18. The picture is from Spain.  Two weeks later I was in the army.  I had passed the entry exams but I didn't stay.  My father took that picture and I said "Don't you dare take the picture."



Kaeren

[barbie]

Karen,

About 10 years ago, I also were in Mediterranean coastal cities of Spain with my family. I remember a city name, Malaga.

I imagine that I might like men with slim waist, if I were born as a woman. You had indeed nice waist when you were young.

I believe in past lives (reincarnation), although I am not a Buddhist. The concept of reincarnation has been popular since prehistory in our country. When I was about 5 years old, I sometimes felt that I might have been a woman. I heard that a ship accident happened and saw some possessions of deceased in a beach. One of them was a doll of beautiful woman. I did not know exactly what the death means, but the  impression of the doll and the subsequent cremation funeral was so strong that I still remember that moment. After that, I wondered whether I could grow as a woman, and fancied an ideal image of me as a lady. I wished to be a lady, but already realized that it might be impossible. As you also once mentioned, I surmise that I might have been a prostitute, but hated my life as a prostitute so much to be born as a man in this life time. My appearance, especially legs, may be a 'birth mark' of my past life as a woman.

Once I told this to my wife. She laughed and added that she would choose a princess or a queen, rather than a prostitute, in the story if she were me. I replied that I am not so much optimistic about my past lives.

Barbie~~

[Kaeren]

Barbie,

In my opinion it is not possible to die. Once I thought I have been close to Napoleon Bonaparte ?  Josephine.  You see, crazy.  What is however a feeling that I have had always, even as a young boy, is being extremely old.  At the same time I also feel very young.  Like being able to have 10 000 lives and being at life 937 now.  You see, many lives so very old but also still very young.

I feel I am an old soul. Maybe one the first ?

It's just an idea. I don't know what I am. I'm christian officially.  It was not my own choice but that of my parents.  My wife wants to remarry in 2012.  She proposed yesterday.  In church. We are only married in city hall now.  I proposed to her near the "Arc of triumph" in Paris.

I have loved and hated the church.  I grew up among priests and they were ok.  I see the point of having one, a church, is very important.  If I would have the choice of one myself it would be of the jedi-kind. The force ! May it be with you. I wouldn't mind being a jedi-knight.

I am 39 tomorrow.  That picture from Spain ( I took it away - It was Salou in the Nord - Malagga is the south ), is more than 20 years ago. You wouldn't recognise me.  I'm completely different.  I'm not sure I'm ready to post recent pictures like you do.  I gained a lot of weight after stopping to go to the gym and having a family. But it's going the other way again. My waist is probably twice yours. I have a mighty long way to go as you can see. If you want I can mail you on this forum a more recent picture.  I mean mail you the hyperlink. I mailed you before a personal message here.  But I'm not going to put it here for everybody.

Another crazy idea of me is that I might play a politicial role in my country in the future.  The brother of my grandfather was for a short time a minister. He was also governor of the national bank. That whole piece of my family is still very active in the economy.  Very rich people also, not like me. I'm midclass.  It might be possible for me also to reach politics perhaps I don't know. I am in Brussels as you probably know, in the very center of our collapsing country.  I'm close to those politicians. I'm also close to Brussels "gewest" ( one of the substates in Belgium ).  We'll see ............. .

I will never be a woman. Always something inbetween. We'll see.  My wife has accepted it, even pushes me towards it but she told me I shouldn't change sexe. I don't know, we'll see. Whatever will be, will be. The future is not ours to see.

I have many crazy ideas and opinions. Here I have the luxury of expressing eccentric ideas. Working however I must be clearminded and coherent.

You truly are a queen ! In this life.  The past ones and the future ones.

Kaeren.

PS : My real name is Philip

[barbie]

I like use nicknames rather than real names in the internet. Most people here would not pronounce my real name correctly 

I do not mind photos of other people, as I am more interested in inner side of people. For outer appearance, in most cases, I alone can serve for myself 

It's now a quite late night of Sunday. I am going to bed very soon.

Barbie~~

[Kaeren]

Here it is 15:39. That is +7 hours in relation to the forum time.

[Suzy]

Hi, Karen, and a big welcome to Susan's!

Kristi

[Kaeren]

Thanks Kristi,

You look pretty cool I must say. I'd wish to have the courage.

When it's your birthday you can make a wish when you blow out the candles. I made a wish yesterday ( we did the small party yesterday because today I work ).  Guess what I wished for ... ?

Kaeren.

[barbie]

Kaeren,

Although a few transgendered people undergo SRS in their 20's, most transgenders begin to seriously recognize their ->-bleeped-<- and change their appearance in their late 30's or early 40's. In my case, although I wished to be a woman as early as at 4 years old, it was when I was 39 that I began openly crossdressing, and purchasing my heels and skirts. There are some theories regarding the reason why it usually started at 35-45 years old. One is regarding hormone changes in early 40's of men. Another is that men of late30's and early 40's tend to become free from taking care of their babies, and to get confidence in their life and future career, being able to do what they indeed want to do during their life time.

Yes. Passing could be an important factor in your transition. However, in my opinion, relationships with people surrounding you would be more important. Transition and appearance would not be so much critical to them, and your career and working would be more important to them. Nevertheless, you can pursue what you want to do, and I also encourage it. However, your possible transition is not a major issue to them, and should not be. It should look like your hobby, although it actually is not. I think you have better not put your ->-bleeped-<- as a priority in your agenda with people including your wife. Modern people are busy and have a lot of issues and tasks to deal with everyday. ->-bleeped-<- could be very serious, but also could be very trivial depending on the situation. I think making people think your ->-bleeped-<- is trivial would be better, although you may talk it frankly with your close people, including your wife. Just my thought today.

Barbie~~

[Suzy]

When it's your birthday you can make a wish when you blow out the candles. I made a wish yesterday ( we did the small party yesterday because today I work ).  Guess what I wished for ... ?

Well please don't keep us in suspense.  What did you wish for??

Kristi

[Kaeren]

Kristi,

If I tell they say, then it will not come true. So I'm taking risks here ...

In short, my wish was to become Kaeren.

We"ll see.

Kaeren ( also known as Philip )



Posted on: December 09, 2007, 05:24:37 AMBarbie,

I couldn't have said it any better. Seems you know me better than I know myself.

Kaeren.