How do I let my family think I'm fine?

[Merryn]

It has been about 6 months since I came out to my family.

My dad is still really mad at me. He doesn't like me playing with my make up tools and girly stuff.
I mostly make myself look like a girl in not-so-girly clothes at home.

My dad often just says mean things to me, such as ->-bleeped-<-, pussy, gay...
He asked me things like "don't your friends or people around you think you're a weird ->-bleeped-<- in college?" , "Don't you feel ashamed?"
But I told him that my friends and guy roommates have already known about this and they don't think I'm strange or ugly.

Grandma sometimes says things like I'm more and more like my mom or a real girl, I'm pretty... to cheer me up.
But she's really not used to this. She just don't want me to be upset. But she wants the me I don't really like back...
Grandma is the only one of my family who promised me that she'll go to the doctor with me this summer vacation and she'll always think I'm her family.

This week I send him a picture that I made my hair style looks like my mom's from one of her pictures and wear a cute off-the-shoulder top.
I checked if I look fine again and again and my roommates really do not think I'm weird.
But then dad went really really mad and says that I don't get to come home on my birthday , go play with myself... things like that. I feel upset.
I thought I could really show him that I'm OK here.
Grandma she's now worried about me and she still do not accept things like that.

I want to be who I really want to be but how do I also get along with my family...

[Denise]

I'm terribly sorry your dad has not accepted this. 

I suggest sending a letter and use phrases like "I'm sorry your opinion of me is negative. But I am who I am.  I'm happy now and your opinion really is your responsibility not mine.  If you can't accept me for who I am then maybe it's a good thing I'll not be coming home."

His attitude and anger is not your responsibility it's his.  The names he's calling you are from an era long gone and showed her has not really grown up out of his high school attitudes. 

I try to be positive with my posts here as there is enough negative to go around but in this case your dad is a bully, he should be called out on it and, it kills me to say this, you may need to cut ties with him.

I might even send a copy of the letter to your Grandma so she knows all too.

My heart is heavy for you.
-Dee

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[Merryn]

I'm terribly sorry your dad has not accepted this. 

I suggest sending a letter and use phrases like "I'm sorry your opinion of me is negative. But I am who I am.  I'm happy now and your opinion really is your responsibility not mine.  If you can't accept me for who I am then maybe it's a good thing I'll not be coming home."

His attitude and anger is not your responsibility it's his.  The names he's calling you are from an era long gone and showed her has not really grown up out of his high school attitudes. 

I try to be positive with my posts here as there is enough negative to go around but in this case your dad is a bully, he should be called out on it and, it kills me to say this, you may need to cut ties with him.

I might even send a copy of the letter to your Grandma so she knows all too.

My heart is heavy for you.
-Dee

Sent from my LG-H820 using Tapatalk

But I don't want to break any relationship with my family.
All I want is a happy ending but it seems quite hard for me now

[Denise]

Oh the choices we make.  You, sorry, need to make the decision.

Sent from my LG-H820 using Tapatalk

[HappyMoni]

Sometimes time will help things, but not always. The fact that Dad is so forceful in being negative makes me think he is trying to intimidate you away from being trans. Find people who support you. It will help you in the present. The family may take some time to shake out. There is always the chance they may never come around, but I wouldn't give up. Conduct yourself with class for your part. Make a plan for your life and go for it. If family comes along on your journey, wonderful. Like Denise says, they have choices to make.

Moni

[LizK]

Hi Merryn

You are in a really tough place but it sounds to me like you are able to get away from your family for periods of time...is that right? You may need to give them some space and time. Time will be your greatest friend and given enough of it they may be less hostile and maybe even accepting.

You being you will be the best antidote to any worries they have. If you are happy, engaged and getting on with your life then any fears that they have about you  doing the wrong thing for you will be alleviated. Sounds like your grandmother is the person who could be the Key to bringing the rest of the family around...Are you able to sit down and talk with your Dad at all? I understand he is aggressive and negative but is this because he is concerned about you? It certainly doesn't give him the right to treat you badly but if he cares then he may still be reachable with enough time and if he can see you are happy?

I hope some of that helps 

[Merryn]

I went home last weekend to celebrate my BD and I don't care my dad said to me.
My grandma started to accept who I am and she said that she'll consider me as her granddaughter from now on.
And she's going to give some skirts and dresses of hers to me next time I go home. 

My dad is trying to fix our relationship "in his way".
But when I started to say things about how I was in the college, he got mad again.
I said that my classmates really do not think I'm weird, and my teacher said that I am fine and I am still a good person no matter what I am. I even go out in girl's clothes and no one thinks I'm weird.
Gaaah, he's such an A-hole.

Mom complained to me about dad's attitude before. My dad really doesn't care how people feel about and he even sometimes hurts people's feeling for no reason.
He never apologizes. He just thinks "he's never wrong and people who he think not as normal as him are wrong."

[LizK]

Hi Merryn

Fantastic news regarding your Grandmother and Mum... sounds like both of them are on-board with you. 

Some people can just be hard work and it sounds like your dad falls into that category...Mine does too.

You are making great progress and as you said yourself, it is his way of trying to fix things. It is not ideal but at least he is trying.

Liz