[TMI / NSFW] Post-Op Penetrative sex and dilation... the "window of opportunity"

[apsharas]

This is a more of a rant than anything else. I'm 4.5 months post op, dilating two times a day for 60 minutes each, and currently at 35mm. I'm still single as heck, but I decided it was time to give it a try.  2.5 hours after dilating, I grabbed the smallest simple toy I could find, went in... and nothing. It was closed completely. I even found light pinkish blood immediately after trying (I could not get it in).


I mean, how much time do you have between dilating and and still being able to have penetrative sex? Immediately after dilating (randomly painful) my libido goes to zero and I am at my most "antisexual" state, so I need some time to feel better before considering sex. Or going out for the night and a few hours later, going back home with somebody... and it's closes, enjoy your clitoral only sex.

I want to hope that over time it will start keeping the width for longer, but right now it's impossible unless I invite somebody home with clear intentions and I am dilating until the moment he /she were to arrive. Which is annoying as heck.

[Barb99]

Have you had a gynecologist take a good look inside? This just does not sound right, especially still having blood at this stage. 12 hours after dilating I can go straight to the 35mm and go to full depth without pain, it's a little tight but not painful. I'm 5 months post.

[apsharas]

Have you had a gynecologist take a good look inside? This just does not sound right, especially still having blood at this stage. 12 hours after dilating I can go straight to the 35mm and go to full depth without pain, it's a little tight but not painful. I'm 5 months post.

The gyno said it was healed well at the 3 months mark, but needed a tiny speculum to look at, 60-90 minutes after dilating. I will have light pinkish bleed (found in the toilet paper) if i try to get on a bike or like yesterday, I was pressing with a soft dildo against a vaginal entrance that would not open. I still have residual swelling.

Right now the only dilator that enters without trouble until the 4 inches mark (then waiting until I get to 6")  is 23mm, once it defeats the muscle ring at the entrance. Starting on 29mm requires me 10-15 minutes to reach depth.

[Rachel]

I was prescribed hydroquartione cream and am still using it. I am 6.5 months and at 6months I was injected with a steroid in the scar ring to ease the closing issue. I use the #1 dilator for 5 minutes then #4 for 30 minutes onece a day. The #4 I ease in, I guess I could push it right in if I tried.

[SarahGemini]

I have found that using a vibrator (I have a hitachi wand) on my mons/vulva for a few minutes before dilation or penetration helps me a lot.  It makes the dilation seem like less of a chore and also helps the pelvic muscle (which is sounds like in your case is also very tight and hard to push past) relax a lot before penetration.  Might suggest feeling gently inside with some lube and clean fingers and seeing how tight that muscle (its right past the entrance and above as though you are pushing upwards towards your belly button). Then try a gentle vibrator on the outside upper vulval area for a few mins and go back and see if the pelvic muscle is relaxing.  I also suggest finding another gyno to go and see to get a second opinion just an case there is something else going on.

Please read my post from earlier today. I am asking women to fill out a survey about your post-op experience - the goal is to start to put together more information for us all to share and learn from.

[Doreen]

Ya you might have some scarring tissue on the inside if its bleeding, I had to be silver nitrated twice before I stopped bleeding.  Also, on the note of self-masturbation If I play with the vulva/clit I'll produce enough lubrication internally to not even have to use ky... I might recommend having fun with the outer stuff before doing the 'chore' of dilation.  Also keep in mind on many natal girls the actual vaginal canal isn't the most nerve rich area, so other than feelings of fullness or pressure, there isn't always pleasure associated with actual penetration; You need to be aware more of your own genitals for it 'all' to work right

Hope this helps a little.

[Debra]

I think I waited 5-6 months before having sex.

Also, I find penises/organic flesh are more 'giving' (that is, they have more 'give') than toys.

I only dilate once a week now though and I can have sex anytime in that week....but it still requires some sort of lube (or a LOT, and I mean  ALOT of foreplay)

[angiedream]

I hope this isn't TMI. But I have found success using my hands. Let me explain, lol. I am just about 18 months post-op and have had many of the same problems that you have. I've had a lot of pain dilating and I have been excessively dry. To combat the dryness I have been using Vagisil vaginal moisturizer to some success. And for the pain, I found once the dryness was gone there was less pain. Recently I became adventurous and decided to use my hands to do some sexual exploration. And found it much easier to stretch my vagina this way.  Which led me to believe that skin on skin is more desirable to relaxing oneself than using a hard stent. So, if you are brave enough, you may want to try slipping a finger or two inside and really massaging the area from the inside and exploring. It really alleviated my fears that sex would be unattainable.

Using your hands may be a more fun way to get yourself ready for sex. Plus I feel so much more at one with my vagina now that I've had my fingers inside. It just feels less foreign.

[angiedream]

Just to be thorough, it should be said that I literally use two hands with four fingers inserted to stretche and massage my vaginal canal. I use the vaginal moisturizer beforehand to loosen and make myself more malleable. I could feel the inner ring as well as scar tissue and massaging it this way allowed me to really open myself up. I really do think because the dilators are so hard it's difficult to fully relax and let them do their job.

[SarahGemini]

Great insights AngieDream.  I'm working on collating useful post-op methods and ways to dilate/integrate and become fully functional.  Comments like your experience and ideas are really valuable.  Thank you for sharing. 

Sarah

[apsharas]

Actually, that bleeding seems to come from the urethra. It's like a big red button on top of the vagina entrance. over sensitive, and i really don't know what seems to irritate it. Reading a bit, not the first time Chettawut leave it like that.

Right now my default width seems to be 29mm, the biggest dilator I can start on, and I seem to maintain a depth of 4" between dilations, having to fight 10 minutes to get to those 6".