I'm at a Loss...

[Britt116]

So today while I was at school, my mom searched my room for her iPad that she lost and found a few things that I didn't really want her to find. She found a crop top shirt that I made a while back and forgot about and she threw that away and she also found lipstick that I had hidden in an obscure place but for whatever reason, she checked there. I don't know where that is now other than not where I had it. I also had a note that I was writing for if I came out because I am undecided. I wasn't ready for her to find these things and now I don't know what to do... I am not at a point where I feel comfortable so I am hoping that she either read the letter and decided that I didn't give it to her because I'm not ready or she missed it which means I have to come up with some excuses for if she asks about them... any help?

[RobynD]

Sorry that happened. The loving thing for a parent to do is to respect their child's property and space. As long as the child's room has nothing dangerous or illegal in it, then she should be treading lightly.

What if you had a talk with her about it? Do you not want to come out at this time? or are you struggling with how to present it? Regardless i think a kind and as loving confrontation you can have about respecting your stuff might be a good idea, but only you know the safety level in doing that.

[Britt116]

I mean she lost her iPad and thinks one of us took it so that's why she did that. I just don't feel comfortable with a conversation at this time unless she brings it up then I guess I will just have to go with how I feel then because I honestly don't know how I feel. Thanks for the reply!

Update: I found the lipstick in the trash

I have always thought that she would be loving still if I came out but after her throwing that stuff away I guess not.

[Emilia]

I can really relate to you, practically the same thing happened to me a aproximately a year ago, when my mom was up to nothing but good and cleaned my room for me while i was at school. She also found my stuff and (as i thoughht) took it away. Espacially my undies were nowhere to be found. That Event started two whole months of me not talking to my mom anymore at all, because i just did not want to come out quite yet, even though she tried to give me the perfect situations to do so.

What i want to say with that is, just take this opportunity if you can, it only get's easier once you've started talking about it. If you feel even just barely ready, just go for it.
At least that's my advice! Best of luck!


Update after i've read your update:
Mmh, that's ->-bleeped-<-. But maybe that's even more reason to talk to her about it, maybe she's confused and just didn't know how to handle that.

[Sno]

Hi and welcome.

Hun, i hate saying this but the iPad was an excuse. Your mum is looking. For what, she probably doesn't know yet, and she may write this up as experimentation.

By far the best thing is to be open with her, and let her know how you're feeling - even if you are feeling uncertain about your identity. By doing so, you will be able to directly counter any question of 'there were no signs' types of questions later, as your identity becomes clearer.

Early involvement may also help reduce resentment, and get you seeing a professional for help, earlier than you expected.

Take care, and let us know how you get on

Rowan

[AlyssaJ]

I agree with Rowan, this was no accident and the iPad was just an excuse she could use to go through your room. You said it yourself that she was looking in places that didn't make sense. Who knows what she was looking for.  Maybe you've done something in the past that she suspected your gender questioning, maybe she thought she was going to find drugs or something, it really doesn't matter. 

The fact is it's likely time you and your mom need to have a frank and open talk.  You should feel justified to politely and respectfully let her know that you suspect it was more than an iPad she was looking for.  You also need to be prepared to be open with her about what you're feeling in terms of gender and so-forth.

Now I don't know you or your family and what your mom's feelings might be on a topic like this, but the suspicion is surely in her head at this point now anyway, so I'm not sure you have a way around it.

[Gertrude]

I'd like to show your mom this video from a comedian from back east:


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[Britt116]

Hi all! Thanks for the responses.

I do think that my mom was legitimately looking for her iPad because it has been missing for awhile. I want to talk about it with her but I don't want to be the one who brings it up... I wrote a letter a month or so ago that I will direct her to if she asks but I don't feel comfortable being the initiator.

[The Flying Lemur]

Hi, Britt . . . is there someone else who knows both you and your mom that you'd feel more comfortable telling?  I did all my early "coming outs" individually and personally, but then I kind of got worn out with it, and delegated the task to trusted others.  Dealing with that first awkward silence . . . or the useless trivial chatter as the other person is oblivious, is just hell. 

[Britt116]

Hey, I really don't feel comfortable telling anyone but I want to talk about it if that makes any sense at all. I want to start off with it in my house and move on from there but I want my mom to confront me about it i guess so that I can come out. I wrote a letter before and everything so I want to be able to give that to her if she asks but I don't feel like being the initiator now that I know she knows. I know that's probably very confusing but it makes sense in my head.

[billyjeans]

Gertrude that video is awesome!!!


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[Gertrude]

Gertrude that video is awesome!!!


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I thought so too.


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