I'm kinda am in a complicated spot. Since I have been wanting to transition, I have figured out what I want to change the first part of my name to. The complicated part is my middle and last name. Which I don't like. I know what I want to to be called. But I don't what to do about the rest of my name.
For sure, my name would be Catherine. And the other names that I'm going back and forth on is having Vera or Sierra for my middle name and having Parks or Gates for my last name.
Ex. Catherine Sierra Parks
Catherine Vera Gates
Which I have noticed when I am having a good day I want my last name to be Parks and when I am having a bad day I want it to be Gates.
But to me Gates sounds like I'm apart of Bill Gates's family and I work in the computer industry. Parks sounds like I am related to some kind of park or forest. But at the end of the day, Gates sounds like it's me.
Which I am going back and forth on what my middle and last name should be. To me, Sierra sounds natural and normal. But I like Vera from time to time because it isn't an everyday, normal name for people who is America. Then I go back to wanting Sierra for my middle name.
Vera is an short name from [emoji635] (The name of the flag is down below)
<<<WARNING:Some people might find this weird and/or shocking>>>
(I am in No shape or form related to any person or people who are from Russia or who are Russians, and I have No family or family members who have history that is apart of Russia or the Russian culture.)
I do like some parts of the Russian culture. But I am in no way related to anything Russian. To me, Russia is an interesting place to me. I don't know why, but it is.
It all started when a movie came out in 2015 called 'Spy'. Their was a character in the movie that was and still interesting to me. So I put in the movie title and looked at all of the caat members. And sure enough I found her.
That character name in the movie and in real life is Verka Serduchka. The link below will go to the Google page of that person.
https://www.google.com/search?q=Verka+Serduchka&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-us&client=safariAnd so I went to look for an Russian name for the middle part of my name. So that's where Vera comes from.
Update on me:
I still haven't come out to my mom yet, but I am planning on writing a long text message about what I'm going through because I feel like that if I tell her face to face, that things won't come out clearly or things will get mixed up. Then once she see the text, I am expecting to have a few minutes of face to face conversation with my mom.
But now when I'm thinking about that with my mom, I feel like that I need to immediately change myself or say that I'm just messing with you so I could see how much you love me (To my mom) Which I do know that I need to rip off the band-aid, and do the things that I need to do so I can live a much more better and happier life. And even if I do keep this to myself, and go through college and then get a job and then have surgery, whether way I would have to come out and tell her. So why not just tell her now when I'm ready for her to know?
I'm not that worry about if my mom would discriminate against me because of who I am. But that doesn't necessarily means that the turnout could be good/bad.
Then after coming out to her, I would answer any of her questions and any thing else. Then I would want to tell her that I want to see an Gender Therapist soon. Then some time when I am in high school or college, I will start HRT. Which I think it would be in the last year of high school, at the very latest.
I have been going back and forth on when it would be the right time for me to go full time. Which I'm currently am in 11st grade, so I have 2 years left of high school. Then 4 years of college. After that, I would have 3-4 years of working at a job so I can become financial stable. So I would have to wait almost a decade to go full-time. I know that sounds like a long time, but I'm still identify as female. I have no interest into going back to a male life. So I am confident that I can make it work out.
Their is a couple of reasons why I think waiting is best for me so I can better understand and experience more types of freedom so I can figure out the person who I am and want to be. Sometimes I don't like some things that some women likes to wear and/or do. I imagine myself not doing a few of the things that they like to do. (This happens to me from time to time, but in the pass couple of weeks, it has gotten a whole lot better.) And I do feel like that there is an extremely small chance
that I picked out the gender term that best fits me. Like Gender Non-conforming, Gender Queer, Gender Fluid, Non Binary. I don't know most of those types of gender terms. But I feel like the best thing for me is to be a full-time woman.
I'm planning on transitioning in small or large steps or whatever feels right. And I feel like going full-time in 2 years is way too fast because I would be going to college right after high school and 3 years would be slightly better. And I feel like 4 years is getting slightly long.
But I know that if college and a job after college wasn't in the way, then I would say going full-time in 3.5 years-4ish years would be the best time for me to go full-time. 5-6 years at the very latest.
I did though about finishing the rest of hight school then taking a year off before I go to college. But I feel like that is isn't enough time to explore so I feel like going to college right after high school is probably the best thing for me to do, while still doing the things that makes me feel like myself.
So now I feel like after a while of taking about what is going on, I feel like my name should be Catherine Vera Sierra Gates.
(Again, Truly, I am in No form or shape related or in contact with any person or people who are from Russia or who are Russians, and I have No family or family members who have family history that is apart of Russia or the Russian culture.)
The reason why I'm saying this multiple times in this post is because you know who is running the government and who is living in the White House, and the amount of news that is related to the the W House. I don't think I can say parts of his name because some parts of this post will be removed because the forum doesn't want to have a political backfire (Which I totally agree with that) because it is too political for the forum.
I'm sorry if this post was too long to read or if some parts of it aren't easy to understand.
P.S. I have found this app called Shein on the iOS app store. So if anybody who is looking for an place to shop for clothes on the cheap side, this would be a great place to look into.
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