Hello 83!
As a first time poster myself a few minutes ago (see my post asking if I am in the right place), and now a first time person replying, welcome to my world of exploration. How about I give you some anchor points from my life?
-when age 10,cousin David and I played doctor at night and did macho kid stuff by day. Cousin Debbie was on day shift-she was 14 and a cowgirl. I imprinted on both Debbie and David-and horses. Was I gay? Was I bisexual? Didn't matter at the time.
-when my beautiful boy smooth body began to sprout hair, I freaked out. Our family was not very open, so at first I shaved the offending parts. Then gave up as most of me was still smooth. Didn't matter.
-At age 20 or so, I tried on my girlfriends mothers clothes, including an evening gown-not for me. Decades later, a friend needed me to let them dress me up in girls clothes, so I let them, and found it interesting, and their excitement fed mine. It mattered.
-when my junior high sweetheart and I married around age 20, we had trouble, which somehow got to her suggesting maybe I was gay? So, I trusted her, and was put on the scene. A man took me in hand and topped me-made me a girl, so to speak. It was ok when I was drunk, and tolerable when sober, just not a real fit. I went on, including a time with Jeannie and John as a married couple with me as adjunct. Again, it was ok for a time. However, I need to top, most of the time, so have been married to four different genetic women a total of about 42 years.
Please see reply #1; explore with your lady friend what accommodations could be made. Some folks freak out at any deviation from the norm so tread carefully.
Have hope! I do, in spite of cancer, sepsis, hypercalcemia (all near death experiences). God has preserved me to support the Michigan Model for Patient Safety and Medical Malpractice Lawsuit Mitigation-why would you care? Only because through trauma there is a way to find peace deep down in the core. My day job is the project; my night job is to heal and find a trans informed mate. I am a marrying kind of guy.
You are relatively young at age 33; if you look at the wonders that can be worked to transform us, there is hope. Having money to get the work done only matters after you clarify who you are. I chose tattooing to express being different after the cancer times. I now need to be with a transwoman who is comfortable going to church with me, arm in arm...
When you go deep enough into your core, as you mentioned, and find yourself/God there, confusion goes away and clarity comes. Just one man's opinion/experience.
I want, I need to be with a transwoman. Do you want, need to BE a transwoman? At age 63, I would see you as beautiful from the inside out. Sex is not the main issue for me, although later that would be great. It is identity. Mine, yours, and hers.
You have at least one reader here. Keep coming back, it works, if you work it!
Scot.
Please have hope.
