Visit parents pre or post FFS?

[Denise]

I need to visit my parents sometime between September and February.  They know everything that's going on (or most of it) and have not said a single negative thing.  They even donated to a charity and publicly commented about it with correct gendering.

But the question is would you visit your 85 yo parents before or after FFS? I know this depends upon when surgery will take place but thought I would ask people's opinions.  Let's assume logistically either would work conveniently.

I'm 55 and plan on doing enough redesign on the face to "not be mistaken as a guy!"


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[jfong]

Before.. and then after when everything is healed.

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[EmmaLoo]

I really doubt at 85 that any change you make will make as much impact on them as it will you. If they are already accepting, then they are likely to be unfazed either way.

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[Dani]

I would visit my parents every chance I got. Especially since they are accepting your decisions. Before and after as often as they would like to see you.

At 85, you may not have this opportunity for much longer. I am 67 years old and my parents passed on over 20 years ago.

[Doreen]

I haven't seen my mother in about 15 years (maybe a little less) and I've had ffs.  I plan on calling her up mothers day, and seeing her some day soon hopefully!  After all I can rub it in I'm cuter than her now lol.  She never fully 'accepted' me... which sadly caused a split in our relationship. Before we were very close.

[Sluggy]

Before. Surgery can be scary to some people and generally it's a good idea to see loved ones to prepare yourself too

[LaRell]

My Mormon, very conservative parents are not at all accepting of people who are gay, or trans.  So I struggle with this subject.  I love them, and want to visit them, but if I were to make any more of a transition than I already have (which is almost none other than dressing the way I want at home ha ha) they would be very uncomfortable.  My mother has a very strong "victim" personality.  Where one time when I showed up to church wearing a skirt, she literally lost her mind for a couple weeks and kept saying "Why are you doing this to me?!!?!"  As if somehow I was choosing to do something "TO HER" by more openly expressing myself.  Her and my sister made such a huge deal about me wearing a skirt that day, that I never went around them like that again, and that was 12 years ago.  I now live many states away from them, but worry what would happen if I went home to visit if I was looking more like a female.  I got my ears pierced the other day, and even that will seriously rock their world!

[Laurie]

 

Denise,
   As one who no longer can visit my parents. put me on the visit as often as you can band wagon for no other reason than someday they will not be there to visit. It brings them joy that you do take the time for them and it doesn't hurt you either.

Hugs,
   Laurie

[alex82]

I need to visit my parents sometime between September and February.  They know everything that's going on (or most of it) and have not said a single negative thing.  They even donated to a charity and publicly commented about it with correct gendering.

But the question is would you visit your 85 yo parents before or after FFS? I know this depends upon when surgery will take place but thought I would ask people's opinions.  Let's assume logistically either would work conveniently.

I'm 55 and plan on doing enough redesign on the face to "not be mistaken as a guy!"


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Before. And after.

But especially before. As two people in advanced years who created you and raised you, there is no respectful reason to pitch up on their doorstep not resembling the person they know. We all have a picture or pictures in our minds eye about those we love. To have that image shattered at an advanced age, without warning, would be a cruel thing to do.

[Denise]

Thanks all for your input - the overwhelming response is "Both". 

They live in Florida so visiting in the summer is challenging because I'm not so sure I'm comfortable in skirts (here, there, anywhere) yet.  Basically not until FFS.  When cool I can wear Jeans. 

Oh well - I guess I need to bite the bullet and buy some just above the knees skirts.  I just never know what to wear on top.

Any suggestions?

[Frae]

There is also tiny shorts.

I never appreciated summer until I transitioned! Camisoles and tiny shorts are my summer uniform lol

[Aurorasky]

Any chance you get. Seriously. They are your parents and they sound accepting, which is a blessing in a world where there's still many children estranged from their parents for being trans. I would take it slowly, I mean, your transition, so they have time to get used to the change. So, add little by little as someone suggested: accessories, jewerly, light makeup, etc. But not overnight.

[Dani]

Thanks all for your input - the overwhelming response is "Both". 

They live in Florida so visiting in the summer is challenging because I'm not so sure I'm comfortable in skirts (here, there, anywhere) yet.  Basically not until FFS.  When cool I can wear Jeans. 

Oh well - I guess I need to bite the bullet and buy some just above the knees skirts.  I just never know what to wear on top.

Any suggestions?

I am in Miami and 95% of the time I am wearing shorts and a T-shirt. This is very a androgynous look, but many of us (male and female) wear the same thing. Just be comfortable. No polyester, wear cotton during the day. Also, do not forget to take a water bottle. It is easy to get dehydrated during the summer months.

For more feminine look, I have some short skirts which I wear a low neck T-shirt on top. Comb my hair and a little makeup and I am good to go anywhere. Just make sure your accessories match your outfit.  This is Florida. No need to over do it! Yesterday, I went to Haulover Beach. We do not wear anything there, except sunscreen!