Finding it hard to change my voice when stressed!

[rainecloude]

Hi everyone,

I was just wondering if anyone else was running into this issue.

Living as a relatively feminine gay man for 22 years my social anxiety defense mechanism was to lower my voice and take a very masculine stance when out in public or when feeling social anxiety. Now I'm presenting as a female I'm getting some very confused looks as I subconsciously drop into a deep man voice and practically whip my balls out while out in the city or when meeting new clients at work! 

I guess I've never learned how to be a powerful or confident lady so I regress into man-mode. Any tips?

Much love. <3

[RobynD]

Me too. Stress and even just being tired tends to make me slip back into the "boy voice". Also the need to be heard in a noisy place like a bar will do it. I think it will become less and less though.

One thing that seems to be sort of crazy but seems to have helped is that i practice singing in my feminine voice often. Perhaps that is training me.

[EmmaLoo]

Here's a tip. Most people dont respond well to aggression. I work in a STEM field thats male dominated and I've found that that everything has to prefaced with a verbal curtsy indicating that what i'm about to say is non-threatening.

These are all things that come over time as you learn how to communicate with your entire body and expressions.

I would suggest you avoid whipping your balls out at all cost, either way.



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[DawnOday]

I'm going to suggest Mindfullness. It is a stress relief method that I learned in group therapy. https://www.mindful.org/meditation/mindfulness-getting-started/ According to my voice therapist relaxing is a key for holding your voice.  Also I would suggest downloading a pitch app. A guitar tuner is adequate. I use "Da Tuner" then practice conversations in front of a mirror or better yet record it. The tuner will help you hold your pitch and strengthen your  vocal cords. My therapist suggested F3 and 170 htz. Over time. I read news articles. If your voice starts wavering stop as you do not want to strain your vocal cords.  Drink more water. Less caffeine as it has a tendency to dry your mouth. Find someone you admire and check out their interview styles. I chose Meryl Streep and Sally Field. My voice will never be as high as Sally's but I can emulate her gestures, cadence, inflections, sense of humor and she is one funny lady. Kind of salty too. Actually both are. Practice, practice, practice. It does take a while. Oh yeah. Don't forget forward resonance meaning breathing from the gut rather than the chest with the sound being formed in the throat and creating a buzz that suggests the   sound is being generated up in the head instead of the diaphragm. Good luck. It's a long slog. I have been taking lessons since last Sept and am just now being able to sustain a constant pitch. I had to learn not to get excited as being an introvert seemed I needed to talk louder to get my point across. You really don't need to do that. And the Mindfulness helps you calm down. It is tough when you are embroiled in an argument or something like that, but it is doable.  As to whipping out the balls. I suggest an Orchi. to prevent that.