Time to live my life as my gender.

[Mikka55]

So I have been very inactive for the past few weeks in this forum,  I was doing a lot of soul searching to see if I am ready.  Next week I am seeing my psycatrist,  and because of my legal name change,  I came out to my workplace,  told them I was transitioning,  and that I wanted to speak with HR.   So far only management knows,  and a few coworkers.  They said they will be supportive,  and if  need any support I can speak with them.
Because I am confident of who I am and I'll need support its time I see a gender threpist,  already booked an appointment with a gender therapist.
It's time I socially transition.  It will be tough,  but I can never hide who I am.

[Erika_Courtney]

Congratulations on your success.


I am just starting my journey, and there sure is a lot of soul searching.

[theqnoumenon]

Seems things are going well. Congrats, go for it!

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[Balerie]

Congratulations on the next part of your journey.

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[Janes Groove]

but I can never hide who I am.

Right on.

[Mikka55]

So I guess this is where my "blog" starts.  Today I finally met up with my gender therapist.  We kinda touched base on how she can help me.  We kinda did like a get to know you kinda session.  I told her about coming out to my company,  family etc.   She was a nice person.  But I felt like I was being interrogated.  I know she just wants to know me better,  I am having a hard time opening up.   I know I should trust her,  but I am too insecure to talk about my doubts,  but doubts or not.  The idea of doing a mtf will always be in my head.   Well she said she will support me thru my transition,  I just don't know how much to share.  Because I have 2 years before I get into the gender identity clinic to see if I get approved funding for surgery.  And I want to be firm on my decision to transition.  Can anyone give me any advice plz.

[Mikka55]

Read Above Post First
Also... why is she asking the same questions that her supervisor asked me?  on the phone a few days ago?

[The Flying Lemur]

I'm not sure why she's asking duplicate questions . . . that would be a thing to ask her.  I strongly suggest you develop an assertive relationship with your therapist.  Don't be afraid to ask questions, or to tell her if you feel like she's interrogating you.  I know that coming out to someone is a very vulnerable position to be in, especially if you're coming out to a stranger.  But you really will get more out of the therapist/client relationship if you feel comfortable giving both positive and negative feedback.  Don't worry about the therapist judging you or getting defensive--if she's any good, she won't.  Remember, she works for you.  She's there to help you get the most you can out of that 50-minute hour.

Congratulations on socially transitioning!  I'm not 100% out myself, and I admire your courage.

[Balerie]

In my experience with my therapist, it took me a session or two to feel comfortable enough to speak with her freely. She did ask questions that allowed her more insight into what was going on with me and little by little we were able to have great conversations. I would say to give it a couple of sessions. Hell, my first session I was shaking from the nerves. I'd never talked to anyone else about this and even though I picked a female therapist because I knew I would feel more comfortable discussing these issues with a woman, it was nerve wrecking. I was literally having difficulty speaking and maintaining my composure during the session. The best thing is to share everything. The more you share, the better she will be able to work with you.


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[Sinclair]

Read Above Post First
Also... why is she asking the same questions that her supervisor asked me?  on the phone a few days ago?

Because you are holding back, and as you stated, have doubts. You need to be 100 percent open to make sure that if you decide to make permanent changes you will have no regrets.

As far as advice on your transition? It needs to be deep, to your soul, no doubt, no worries, this is who I am and I'm willing to snip it. If not, that's ok. There are plenty of people who are in the gray areas where they feel at home with the feminine side, dress, etc. Just know that long term HRT will eventually result in the loss of sperm production, shrinkage, and inability to get erections. Again, my take is they want to be sure you are sure of the consequences of making permanent changes. I'm very happy where I am, but, I'm older .. been there done that ... so, I have no regrets. I love the changes. It's life 2.0 for me. Been married, etc .. etc ... now it's my turn to be me. 

[Mikka55]

I guess its kinda like getting an interview, what you say on the phone and resume might be true,  but the employer still wants to get to know you as a person.  Even tho the employer already has your resume and cover letter.   Also its my first time meeting,  so shes putting down notes.  Instead of just e-mails

[Mikka55]

Its just that.. everyone i talk to I pause and think before I speak.  I guess its gonna take time to get used too.

[Mikka55]

I know what hrt does,  I have been on it for 8 months now,  I don't mind it.
My question on my mind always,  do I get a complete srs,  or do I just get my testicles removed. 

[Katy]

It is important to be as open and honest about your interior life as you can be.  Incomplete or evasive responses will simply muddy the waters and slow the process of discovery.  We all have innate defensive mechanisms that we use when we feel we are under attack and pointed questions often causes those mechanisms to kick into high gear.  Resist the temptation to protect your privacy.  Keep reminding yourself that the person talking to you is a professional with all of the safeguards regarding privacy implicit in that term and a professional whose sole aim is to help you.  You are in the right place at the right time to let the defenses come down and for you to lay it all out there.  Make the most of it.  Some of it may prove distasteful, even painful, but the journey you are on will almost certainly be of benefit to you.  All the best to you. 

[Mikka55]

Today I saw my psychiatrist, very friendly, very relaxed, I was able to talk about my anxiety, I was open, told him I was transitioning, the good part is.  He actually showed me and printed off info on a catholic church that was LGBTQ friendly and it really made my day.  Now that I am on meds for anxiety hopefully they are stable for me.  I am happy that, I can be me, but not too anxious.  I know its gonna take time.  Endocrinologist, next week, and the week after gender therapist.  28 years, its time to change my life around.