One step at a time

[MeTony]

Taking one step at a time. I have now changed my profile pic on facebook. No girly pics, but an everyday picture of me and my dog.

https://imgur.com/a/2zNcP


At work my closest co-worker shouted "My brother!" across the office two days ago. It felt so right. It was like the most obvious thing.

I have not talked to my husband yet. He liked my picture though. My psychiatrist told me to think until September, when we meet again. Think it through. Both my psychiatrist and psychologist told me they see me as male. I understand she wants me to think it through. But I already have. The only problem in my life is my husband since 19 years, he is not gay. Work is ok. Friends will accept me. My family will accept me. Husband. I don't know.

I don't want to trash it. But maybe I have no choise. When I realized I am transgender, 10 years ago, I got a depression and did a suicide attempt. Got a psychosis and ended up in hospital for 6 months.

I believe my psychosis and suicide attempt was triggered by self hatred and dysphoria. I feel like I need to be myself. Or I will end up in hospital again.

[Rayna]

There are many stories and threads here about telling your spouse. See How not to blow up your marriage (pinned at the top) in particular.

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[kat69]

It's always difficult telling a spouse...they have the ultimate emotional connection to,you.  Having been through it myself...I can say that it needs to be done.  I thought I would lose everything, but I haven't.  Sure our relationship is not the same, but my wife is now my partner and we aren't intimate any more.   However we are best friends and are planning the future together. 

It isn't easy but it's a necessary step to move forward. 

Good luck. 

[ToniDatyga]

Unfortunately I think that if I would have faced my truth earlier, maybe my sex drive wouldn't have died and my marriage wouldn't have been about to end. I was suppressing myself to make my transphobic wife happy instead of telling her I had to become myself. Now it's over. I caught her cheating for the second time. I am free now to transition so it's bittersweet.

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[MeTony]

That is what I am afraid will happen. But it is hard to live under cover all the time.