Getting children onside

[Phillipa1971]

Looking for some advice:
I told my family (wife and 6 children 5-19yo) about my crossdressing at the start of the year. All were supportive, although the eldest two daughters less so.
Last night, My wife and I told the children  that it is more than cross-dressing - that I plan to transition probably early next year.
The youngest 4 are fine ('great - lesbian mums! said the 9yo), but the eldest two (17 and 19 aren't coping)
One, who starts medical school after the Summer, went ballistic, saying I've ruined her medical career now, nobody will want to know her (I'm a surgeon where she will be training).  The eldest was just silent and went out for a run.
Quite obviously, my transition won't ruin her career, but how to get her onside?  We suggested looking online, but were shot down by "you don't understand"
Any advice how I can try to get them onside? It's left me really gutted all day.

Phillipa

[Laurie]

Hi Phillipa,

   If you figure this out let me know. I'm in the same boat with my adult daughter. In my case she believes I'm broken from some unknown unresolved trauma in my childhood and that god can and will fix me if I let him. She knows full well I do not share her views on religion and therefore I'm not going to be fixed. She's gone as far as making a facebook prayer request because she is "heartbroken for her children after they received devastating news about someone they loved" No no grandpa didn't died he just wants to be a she.
   Because of her non - acceptance, I no longer feel welcome there and miss her, her husband and my 5 grand kids.

Hugs and condolences,
   Laurie
   

[ainsley]

So, a bit of advice from what I used when one of mine had a similar reaction.  He was 17 at the time.  He felt like it was just going to ruin his life.  I had to tell him repeatedly that I was the one changing, not him.  It took a while, but he finally realized that I was transitioning, not him.  Yes, everyone we know goes thru changes when we transition, but the bulk of the change is on us, not the family.  It took time, too.  Let it soak in.  I took no one to the internet for information. 

Maintain normalcy in the family life and allow time to smooth it over as everyone adjusts to the new normal.

[staciM]

My son was immediately understanding but the approach I used may be of help.  My wife and I explained that because of the ever worsening state I was in that he could either have a happy and healthy parent or possibly not one at all.  It wasn't meant to scare him, but it was meant to give him the reality of the situation.