Hi.......again

[Dorian Wilde]

Hi,
Returning after a long period of time denying my inner she.
I felt I could press on with a acceptable toleration of my gender.
Boy........? I was wrong.
My she side came roaring back stronger than ever.
It is no surprise to me, it always does.
After all, she is me.
XO
D

[RobynTx]

I know that feeling. I've denied my inner woman to myself so many times over the years but the feelings would come back much more stronger. Each time it felt like I would explode if I didn't do something.  We must be who we want to be.

[baseballfan]

Hi,
Returning after a long period of time denying my inner she.
I felt I could press on with a acceptable toleration of my gender.
Boy........? I was wrong.
My she side came roaring back stronger than ever.
It is no surprise to me, it always does.
After all, she is me.
XO
D

Hello D, 

I completely understand what you're saying and quite frankly am right there with you.

-Jessica

[Dorian Wilde]

At least I am in familiar territory.
This has been a repetitive cycle throughout my life.
Reflecting on history, I have gained clairity.
Coping thoughts and tools have included:
Playing the cards I have been dealt..
Maybe in the next lifetime...
Man up, work out to be physically fit.
Nothing would sustain any thing close to resembling contentment.
To move forward in becoming my true self physically has been met with hesitation.
Is it because I am content enough to not do anything about it?
Or a combination of lacking courage and dedication to the responsibilities?
Ughh!

[Corastrasza]

The same thing seems to happen to me from time to time. The true me always comes back though :p. Welcome back!

[baseballfan]

Dorian,

I totally understand and empathize.  It is an extremely frustrating place to be. 

The last two sentances you said really hit close to home for me.  I have actuslly built a good life for myself as a male, and am reasonably content.  I am the wrong gender....but nobodys life is perfect.  For the time being at least, I have come to the conclusion that I am not willing to give up the life I have to transition.  I think I may be happeier in my life as the wrong gender than I would be if I transitioned and had to start over.  I can do small things to ease my feelings.

But then every once in awhile the feelings come rushing to the surface very dtrong and I have to do soul searching.  Feels like you may be in a similar place.

A friend I recently made on here said something that really stuck with me.  She said, (and im paraphrasing), "The thing I keep coming back to is...if I were goven a choice to be any person I want to be....100 times out of 100 I would chose to be a woman, there is no scenario where I would choose to be a man.  Every time I start to think maybe I'm not really trans, I come back to that".  I had never thought of it that way before but I agree.

No one's life is perfect.  If you decide you're in the wrong gender but would rather live with that then start your life over....I don't think that is an invalid conclusion.

-Jessica

[Dan]

Dorian,

Your words ring true for so many of us.

Maybe you can live with the 'here again, gone again' scenario. Maybe you need to find clarity and take action.
I don't know what will work for you. But I do know, that whatever decision we take, it really must be one based on having evaluated all options and making an informed decision. Never just let it drop and hope it will fade away. It won't, as you know, because no decision has been made. Passive decision making ( now here is an oxymoron) is not a way forward. It's stagnation. It's a no win situation.

Anyway, here you are Welcome back.

[Dorian Wilde]

Thank you all for your response.
My life's experience as the wrong gender effects the core of my existence.
I desperately need to externalize.
To express my inner feelings to someone who truly understands is comforting.
Thank you!
When I mentioned I have gained clarity,
I was referring to the recognition of my condition.
I know I am female with the exception of some physical attributes.
That part I am perfectly clear on.
There is no more confusion or being in denial on that.
It is the solution that remains unclear.
Jessica, I can really identify with what you mentioned.
Gratefully,
D

[Jailyn]

Dorian this is a safe and great place to share all your feelings and thoughts. We are all friends going on this same crazy journey.

[V M]

Hi Dorian 

Welcome back to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here again, join on in the fun

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Hugs

V M

[SailorMars1994]

Welcome back chicky!!

My suggestion? come out and transition !?