Stuck between genders.

[Red Lion]

I feel stuck between genders, both of which feel right and wrong. When I'm able I may present more androgynously or switch between a male and female portrayal. I don't really know what to think of it or how to explain it. I just feel like the older I get the more definite I am that I'm somewhere in between and can't really be happy settling definitively on male or female.

As for potential dysphoria. I don't really enjoy having a body most of the time, I can't pinpoint why though. I was sexually assaulted some years ago and feel like that might be affecting how I view my body so I'm hesitant to claim any kind of dysphoria since I haven't felt right about my body since it happened.

But the more time goes on and the more I get past what happened the more it becomes apparent to me that my sense of gender and my body don't really have anything to do with each other. It's complicated, I don't feel like I have the words to explain it but I have a sense of who I am but no idea how to feel about it.

[Dena]

Welcome back to Susan's again. What you describe is Androgyne and you will find information on it in our WIKI . We have other who fit into this category though they are not very active on the site. As a part of the non binary, people who fit into the category sometimes have trouble finding a therapist with knowledge of the non binary.

I suspect you feel dysphoria but if your identity is shifting, sometimes you may be comfortable with something and at other times you may be uncomfortable with the something. I also suspect the assault you experienced woke the already existing feeling that you had. Many of us can trace our first feelings of being transgender to an incident. Most of the time the experience is harmless but some like you have had traumatic events that exposed their feelings. Feel free to explore this more as it's possible some of the other non binary members may be able to add to this.

[Red Lion]

Welcome back to Susan's again. What you describe is Androgyne and you will find information on it in our WIKI . We have other who fit into this category though they are not very active on the site. As a part of the non binary, people who fit into the category sometimes have trouble finding a therapist with knowledge of the non binary.

I suspect you feel dysphoria but if your identity is shifting, sometimes you may be comfortable with something and at other times you may be uncomfortable with the something. I also suspect the assault you experienced woke the already existing feeling that you had. Many of us can trace our first feelings of being transgender to an incident. Most of the time the experience is harmless but some like you have had traumatic events that exposed their feelings. Feel free to explore this more as it's possible some of the other non binary members may be able to add to this.

Thank you. I come from a very conservative background so for a long time I was in deep denial about my sexuality and I think, my gender too. I've never really explored it much and I used to try to rationalize my more "male" feelings away. I still don't know how to feel about identifying this way. I like being able to define things so when the thing that's undefinable seems to be a part of myself it's kind of frustrating.

[Tessa James]

It has often been noted that anatomy is not destiny.  It is also true that, for many of us, our body does not define our gender.  It is this very incongruence of anatomy and gender identity that can cause dysphoria.   Some of us feel we address this best with a medical, social and/or surgical transition.  I know of several folks who would love a gender free body.  Not everyone want to be seen first as a sex object.

I had no words to describe my feelings as a child and talking about anything related to sex was unheard of in our home.  It can take a very long time to accept ourselves where we are as we are.  It's a fabulous journey to be able to feel this deeply and freely.  Let yourself and your imagination go.

[JB_Girl]

It has often been noted that anatomy is not destiny.  It is also true that, for many of us, our body does not define our gender.  It is this very incongruence of anatomy and gender identity that can cause dysphoria.   Some of us feel we address this best with a medical, social and/or surgical transition.  I know of several folks who would love a gender free body.  Not everyone want to be seen first as a sex object.

I had no words to describe my feelings as a child and talking about anything related to sex was unheard of in our home.  It can take a very long time to accept ourselves where we are as we are.  It's a fabulous journey to be able to feel this deeply and freely.  Let yourself and your imagination go.

IMHO a very nearly perfect post.
JB

[JoanneB]

I had a g/f for many years that was sexually assaulted by her step-dad as a teen many times. It affected how she saw and felt about herself big time. She had a body I would die for. She hated living in it. I never much cared for my body. Resigned to having it. The dangly bits never bothered me. Heck we've had some great times together. Just always wished I had a woman's body and always wished I was born as one. Now after a few years on HRT I finally am enjoying living in a body. It's not perfect by far, but it's what I have to work with.

[Tessa James]

IMHO a very nearly perfect post.
JB

I so love YOU!🌈

[Sno]

A trap? Or freedom? On the outside, we have more freedom, because, well, we are outsiders, we can see the whole park and the two segregated areas; and those who to try to fit in. Does that make us the zoo curiosity, or the spectators? Some days we watch idly by at on area, and others may, on other days watch the other area, and move freely between them both. Sometimes you'll look, and catch a wink.

All in all it's only perspective...

Rowan