When to get top surgery.

[cinderkaburagi]

So I've started to transition by going to a gender orientation. I still need to go to my gender assessment before I can schedule the surgery consultation. What I'm not sure is about when to have top surgery. Sadly I'm still in college and the best time seems to be right before my last semester which starts next August or right after it ends next December. The issue becomes my family since I'm going through my parents's insurance. I feel like they will notified even though it won't cost them anything. I won't see them for a few months if I do it during August. But if it's done in December then it would be weird if I didn't show up for Christmas (basically I would have to lie that I was really sick). I'm not sure if I could have Kaiser Permanente bill it to my address. Kaiser is weird because each region does things differently (which is super annoying). It would be helpful if I could other people's opinions.

[Dena]

You parents will receive a notice of benefits received. I receive one every time the insurance company pays something so you will be questioned about this. It would be best if you come out to your parents now and if not get their blessing, at least show some trust towards them. If you do this without telling your parents, you may have another reason to not show up for christmas.

The only way around this would be to pay cash or get an insurance policy not tied to your parents.

[cinderkaburagi]

I just don't get the feeling they will receive it well despite the fact that they support the LGBT community. My partner has already suggested ways to explain why I want top surgery. It doesn't help that my mother is a control freak and still refers to me as her "little girl". I planned to cut off from them after I finished college anyway because of other things my mother has done.

[Dena]

You are old enough to make decision as an adult but you should put a good deal of thought into this one. Sometimes the lack of trust can be as bad as the act it's self. I don't know of you read the MTF threads much, but the wives are often as upset over the fact their husbands didn't tell them they were transgender as they are over the fact that they are transgender. Personally, though my mother offered to help me with medical expenses, I didn't want them to feel guilty if I made a wrong decision so I paid all of my medical expenses. Insurance repaid me after the fact for surgery but I paid for everything - including surgery and only received the check back from the hospital about a month after surgery.

[cinderkaburagi]

It's not like I haven't thought about it. I just have a hard time justifying coming out to them when my mother has done things that are extremely invasive in my personal life and used it to be manipulative so she can be controlling. My father and siblings deny her behavior and actions as well. So I have to be careful when I do speak to my family what information is given. She doesn't seem to want to understand why I don't trust her either. Additionally, they don't pay to have insurance as it is one of my father's benefits and the copayments are low. Coming out might makes thing worse and I don't need that at the moment.

[Dena]

The risk is that you will be burning bridges with your parents. The odds are you will be removed from the policy when they receive the statement and from that point on, you will be on your own. In addition, if they are contributing to your education, that may end as well. Your parents are in a position of strength and if you do this wrong, you may find they cut ties off with you far sooner than you planed.

[cinderkaburagi]

I'm already well aware of that and have been for few a years now. By next December I will be finished with school so I won't have to worry about that.

[Alexthecat]

Many schools' insurance plans are trans friendly so if your parents disown you and you are still in school then you could be covered that way.

[kings joker]

If possible, you could sign up for an online patient portal with kaiser (idk if they have one, BCBS does) and then sign up for "paperless billing". Usually you can turn those things off and on, just be sure to do it at least 30 days before you expect a bill. this way you can cover your tracks by just by passing their access to the bills going through.

In my experience, all of my bills from my doctor came to my college address that I put down. All of my insurance "health claims" came to my email attached to my online portal. My dad (though fully knowing off all my appointments and bills) never saw a single piece of paper.

Alternatively, you can go see the doctor you're scheduled for and just do a routine consult or blood work. Then just pay attention to where the paperwork gets sent to. Tell your parents you joined some BS club and need physical to get cleared. If it gets sent home you'll have your answer for the big visit. If it doesn't get sent home or show up on a claim then you're good.

[cinderkaburagi]

If possible, you could sign up for an online patient portal with kaiser (idk if they have one, BCBS does) and then sign up for "paperless billing". Usually you can turn those things off and on, just be sure to do it at least 30 days before you expect a bill. this way you can cover your tracks by just by passing their access to the bills going through.

In my experience, all of my bills from my doctor came to my college address that I put down. All of my insurance "health claims" came to my email attached to my online portal. My dad (though fully knowing off all my appointments and bills) never saw a single piece of paper.

Alternatively, you can go see the doctor you're scheduled for and just do a routine consult or blood work. Then just pay attention to where the paperwork gets sent to. Tell your parents you joined some BS club and need physical to get cleared. If it gets sent home you'll have your answer for the big visit. If it doesn't get sent home or show up on a claim then you're good.

So Kaiser does have an online portal, but it's only for your home region and I'm in another region technically. California is split into two different regions: North and South. My home region is North and I'm currently in South. I really wish out of region members had access to the online portal for the region they're in. I could change the address of where the reminder would be sent. I could try to change it to paperless for my home region.