ufff i don't know how to start this,anything which starts the race on.
i'll present myself as Shay,yeah the name i've chosen for me,i'm a 19 years old MTF girl from santa cruz,Bolivia,aaand not in a HRT yet,but it has been 4 years now since i started to understand my true self,and yep i got caught by this site and forums when i was looking for information about my situation and after a year i decide to share some things about me with you all,after all this is one of the most friendly sites i've found.
my story starts when i was 15 but yeah the first signal started at the age of 8 or 9,and then the inside started to melt,you know when you feel that something its going wrong with you,after years of research and looking inside of me then i discover my true self.
i had some crossdressing situations with my sister clothes,and well,after telling her about it she had no problmes with that.
sometimes i have problems with my dysphoria,but they end vanishing like a ghost and then start again to ruin my day,but when i see myself in the mirror the thing gets killed easily.
people that know about this? my sister,my mom,but she forgot everything i told her,a gamer guy from brazil who has been really nice to me since i told him that i'm a MTF girl,and well a random facebook user,who have a nice way of thinking and treated me with respect for who i'am. i haven't started my transition yet because i live in basically a dangerous area for transgender people,money is a problem to start my transition too,and i haven't told anything about my situation to my family (except my sister) because they're like a comedian with two faces,if you told them something then they support you,but after that they use the same thing against you in any problem like it was a big problem for them,i was thinking to start getting a job,but most of them require you to have ended high school.(thing i haven't completed yet because of a destructive past) i was thinking to go back and end high school but that means to keep my true self hidden and that would be destroying myself in the inside,i say that because i haven't found a school which supports LGBT here where i live,and if i join a random school everyone would be basically bullying me every day if i told something about my true self,and it would be a destructive pressure to hide who i'am it if i start to study in a unwanted place.
yep new laws are starting to float to help the transgender community here in bolivia(the identity changes are finally a thing),but most of the population doesn't care about it and they get scared so easily when they see a LGBT person,even the **** church started to go against the transgender community (i saw a bad situation of a transgender woman when i was in the public transport,everyone was laughing about her when she leaved the bus,they were like: hey,that's just a macho men pretending to be something)
at this time i have,well...i have no friends to share my story and thoughts (like a big cero),i'm an completely alone introvert who past most of the time gaming and trying to make music in a DAW,yeah music is my true art,and i'm still trying to get a musical instrument (i was so scared to talk with the guy who was selling a keyboard when i opened the store door lol)
in my time i have,well,my girly girly moments
and those **** dysphoria moments
if anyone have any advice to help my with my actual situations and decisions,i would appreciate it a lot,and i'm sorry with the harsh long story of my older days.
anyways,i think it's time to make...new friends? if that's the new situation of my destiny i would like to make new ones (one of the reasons of why i'm here)
,i'm here to make this place a new home too,i has been living in the dark for too long and it's time to leave and catch some shine
and after all this has been the most beautiful experience i'm having in my life,it have changed a lot of myself and my perceptions of what i seek in life.
Hellooooo again,why? because i'm new here
