I feel like my ftm boyfriend doesn't think I'm attractive.

[Lovergirl1]

I've been with my bf since I was 17. It's been 3 years and some months and he's been on t for almost as long as I've been with him. The last 2 years he has still wanted me to go down on him and give him pleasure  but when it comes to me he just turns over and goes to sleep. It deeply hurts me cause I feel like sexual contact is another way to show someone you love how much you love them and care for them physically. I'm 20 now and I've brought it up to him a few times now. He has told me that it isn't me and that he wants to do stuff with me like he wishes he could(Cisnormative/heteronormative). I've been trying so hard for these last two years to be patient and understanding cause I don't know what it's like to be trans so I can't imagine how hard it is for him. It's just really hard cause I feel so gross about my myself. It's gotten to the point where I don't even want him to touch me at all cause I feel repulsive. I don't want to ask him to do anything to me because I feel like he hates doing anything to me. It's been hard for me to cope with this cause Ive still been fulfilling his needs, which gets me excited as well but I've just started to go to sleep after I finish him anyways cause I know he doesn't want to do anything to me. I've spent many nights just crying myself to sleep cause I wish he wanted me the way I want him. I'm just having a hard time at this point and I want someone's point of view who is transgender (ftm) cause I'm lost and idk what to do. Is this a normal thing that happens with ftm men? Is it just me?

[bubbles21]

Hey im not ftm but i just wanted to say hang in there and that it is not your fault obviously, otherwise he wouldnt be with you. But he needs to get his act together, we know things in the bedroom are supposed to go both ways. It sounds like a horrible situation though and hopefully some of the guys here can offer some advice.

hugs 

[CharleeGrrl]

I've been with my bf since I was 17. It's been 3 years and some months and he's been on t for almost as long as I've been with him. The last 2 years he has still wanted me to go down on him and give him pleasure  but when it comes to me he just turns over and goes to sleep. It deeply hurts me cause I feel like sexual contact is another way to show someone you love how much you love them and care for them physically. I'm 20 now and I've brought it up to him a few times now. He has told me that it isn't me and that he wants to do stuff with me like he wishes he could(Cisnormative/heteronormative). I've been trying so hard for these last two years to be patient and understanding cause I don't know what it's like to be trans so I can't imagine how hard it is for him. It's just really hard cause I feel so gross about my myself. It's gotten to the point where I don't even want him to touch me at all cause I feel repulsive. I don't want to ask him to do anything to me because I feel like he hates doing anything to me. It's been hard for me to cope with this cause Ive still been fulfilling his needs, which gets me excited as well but I've just started to go to sleep after I finish him anyways cause I know he doesn't want to do anything to me. I've spent many nights just crying myself to sleep cause I wish he wanted me the way I want him. I'm just having a hard time at this point and I want someone's point of view who is transgender (ftm) cause I'm lost and idk what to do. Is this a normal thing that happens with ftm men? Is it just me?

I'm mtf, and I can understand your side better than you think. I might not have your uniquely individual point of view, but I do understand that you're emotionally frustrated because you feel rejected.
   I believe that the problem lies with your boyfriend. Bf's can be very selfish! Couples' counseling might make a big difference here. Just pick a doctor and make an appointment . And even if he will not go, YOU go! You have a lot to say, and you deserve to be heard. My prayers are with you.

Sent from my K88 using Tapatalk

[TransAm]

I've been with my bf since I was 17. It's been 3 years and some months and he's been on t for almost as long as I've been with him. The last 2 years he has still wanted me to go down on him and give him pleasure  but when it comes to me he just turns over and goes to sleep. It deeply hurts me cause I feel like sexual contact is another way to show someone you love how much you love them and care for them physically. I'm 20 now and I've brought it up to him a few times now. He has told me that it isn't me and that he wants to do stuff with me like he wishes he could(Cisnormative/heteronormative). I've been trying so hard for these last two years to be patient and understanding cause I don't know what it's like to be trans so I can't imagine how hard it is for him. It's just really hard cause I feel so gross about my myself. It's gotten to the point where I don't even want him to touch me at all cause I feel repulsive. I don't want to ask him to do anything to me because I feel like he hates doing anything to me. It's been hard for me to cope with this cause Ive still been fulfilling his needs, which gets me excited as well but I've just started to go to sleep after I finish him anyways cause I know he doesn't want to do anything to me. I've spent many nights just crying myself to sleep cause I wish he wanted me the way I want him. I'm just having a hard time at this point and I want someone's point of view who is transgender (ftm) cause I'm lost and idk what to do. Is this a normal thing that happens with ftm men? Is it just me?

Honestly, I was the opposite with my fiancée. I constantly wanted to do things to her but I really didn't have any interest in her reciprocating because I was grossed out by my own body so much. That, too, led to problems (primarily her thinking that she was doing something wrong).
What could be happening is that he's grown complacent and doesn't realize how much of an issue it is that you're not getting anything out of it. Maybe in his head, he's still getting laid, so he doesn't get what the problem is.

I will say that my issues with my fiancée occurred pre-T, so there's a bit of a difference.

If you want my honest, unadulterated opinion, I think he's being extremely selfish. I get wanting to do heteronormative things, but wish in one hand and **** in the other and see which one fills up first, you know?
You deal with what you've got and you don't leave your significant other hanging. If you're willing to try it, I'd recommend trying to get him into couple's therapy (and perhaps suggesting he get into a gender issues therapists for his own individual appointments). If not... well, maybe you should sit him down and really get to the meat of the problem. Tell him how deeply it's been hurting you and that you don't deserve to be neglected like that.

That's a rough situation and I'm sorry you're experiencing it.

[Dena]

It's normal for some CIS males to become very tired after sex. I suspect there was some evolutionary advantage in that it allowed an unwilling woman to escape from their captive however it really doesn't fit in modern society. As your SO is on T, it is possible that this genetic trait has come out just as a feminine orgasm appears in a MTF. As it will be difficult for him to pay the proper attention to you after sex, if he cares for you, he will need to tend to you first or you will have to take turns. If he is unwilling to do this, you may need to consider somebody else.

[FTMDiaries]

Hi and welcome! 

Have you told him that this is affecting your self-esteem? I suggest you do: he needs to know how you feel, and you need to tell him what you want out of your relationship.

It's entirely likely that his dysphoria is messing with his head and making it difficult for him to have sex. His brain is telling him that he's supposed to be having sex in a certain way, but his body is making that impossible for him. And every time he tries to initiate sex, he's reminded of that fact because the piece of equipment he wants to use is simply not there. That can be heartbreaking; it's hard enough for me to cope with, but I can only imagine it must be so much more difficult for a straight guy.

Testosterone does ramp up our sex drive, so of course he wants to get off even though his equipment may not be right for him. But he needs to consider your needs too, so tell him that sex has to be a tit-for-tat exchange, and that you're happy to bring him off but he must bring you off too; that's just the deal when you're a couple. Ask him what's preventing him from seeing to your needs and see if there's anything you can both do to fix that. Perhaps he needs some equipment: there are some good prosthetics out there that can make the experience much more enjoyable for both of you and looking through those catalogues can be a fun experience to have together. If he always falls asleep after sex, then tell him he has to see to your needs first and then you'll see to his afterwards so you can snuggle up & fall asleep when he's finished. I.e. try to find a positive solution that works for both of you.

But whatever you do, please don't take it personally. You're not gross and he probably thinks you're utterly gorgeous. He's just struggling with his own issues.... but if he wants to be part of a couple, he has to meet you half-way!

[Lovergirl1]

Thanks to everyone who replied. Honestly I have talked to him a few times but I feel really bad after cause he gets really upset and emotional and it breaks my heart to see him like that. We've used prosthetics in the past but then he only wanted to have sex if we were using the prosthetic and he still wouldn't wanna go down or touch me or anything. He would cum first and the we could have sex, it went like that for a while until he just stopped wanting to do stuff to me... tthere have been times where he's gotten really uncomfortable using these prosthetics and we've had to stop or he would just look like he wasn't into it sometimes, which would make me feel very insecure and embarrassed because like he sometimes wouldn't even be interested in me even when I was having sex with him... I've gotten kind o uncomfortable with using them as well because the prosthetic material can feel quite painful and the lube has given me utis. I feel bad but he wants to buy a new prosthetic that may help. I just feel really bad to ask for sex. I have asked him before to go down on me and it just felt forced and weird so we stopped. Since then I've felt very badly about my "down there" area, just cause I mean there has to be some reason why he doesn't wanna go down on me. I go down on him often, and it takes a while (which I'm not complaining because I enjoy giving him pleasure) but i just kinda feel used cause he'll only kiss me and touch on me when he wants to get off. Sometimes I feel like he trickss me(I'm sure he isn't doing this intentionally), but he'll get me all excited and then want me to do stuff to him,giving me the impression that he wants me too. But once he's done, we're done. He doesn't do anything, he just says how tired he is and that he loves me and then goes to sleep.

[MeTony]

Is he suffering from depression? Depression makes you feel alone and not wanted even among loved ones.

[MeTony]

Was thinking he does not want to touch you or kiss you. Depression makes you think you don't deserve it. My sex drive vanished completely when I was depressed.

I also isolated myself from family. Not wanting to be touched or cuddled.

[Cimara]

Hi lovergirl. My boyfriend is also FtM. First of all don't feel like there is anything wrong with you or that your boyfriend doesn't find you attractive. Everyone experiences dysphoria differently and at different levels. My boyfriend goes through periods sometimes when his interest in sex drops off. Rather I should say his interest in sex with me drops off. Testosterone keeps him horny enough to take care of things himself and there have been periods when he preferred that to having sex with me. When we were first dating I of course thought it was me and that he did not find me attractive anymore. That was not it. It was actually because he was going through a depression and his dysphoria was hitting especially bad. Sometimes sex can make dysphoria even worse.  Especially for a FtM. A transman is a man without a penis. His sexual desire involves using a penis to penetrate someone. Sometimes a transguy will lose interest in sex because he can't have sex with his partner in the way he wants to and he becomes frustrated. This can happen to all transpeople. But I think it hits transguys a little harder than transwomen. It might not be how we would prefer but we do have another option for being penetrated. The only option a transguy has is a prosthetic which sometimes only makes dysphoria worse. My boyfriend hates his packers. Something I thought was odd considering.  But he explained that his packers were just a reminder of what he doesn't have.

I hope this helps you. And I apologize to anyone if it was TMI.  As others have suggested, talk to your boyfriend. He may very well be suffering from depression.

Hugs.