Worrisome encounter :(

[Annaiyah]

So as I was on my way to the doctors... i had encountered this guy who had tried to hit on me. He started by coming toward my direction as he and i were walking in opposite directions. As he passed me he was going on about how beautiful i am and asked to stop and talk to him. I got really nervous! So much so that i couldn't even think straight.

At any rate, at first i tried to say i was in a rush, then he was making perverted comments about me having a nice body, me having big boobs, etc. and then he asked for my number. I called him a pervert but he didn't care or was not offended. I didn't want to give it and so i tried to say i'm already seeing somebody (which is untrue). He, not believing it, was like "c'mon, now!" then proceeded asking again for my number. He then opened his phone up so i can put my number in his phone and then he's saying stuff like "don't b/s me; i'm not playing games," and so on and so forth, which kind of scared me because he seemed like one of those guys if you know what i mean.

Ugh! It didn't even occur to me to just tell him i'm transgender! He probably wouldn't have bought or it probably would've resulted in him trying to rape, harm, or kill me (mind you we were outside). Anyways, i put a number in his phone that was the same as my own but with one digit off so he can't call me. I put that in hoping he wouldn't try to call or text it right there on the spot. Thankfully he didn't.

He then asked for a hug... so i hugged him... he wrapped his arms around me and as i wrapped one arm around him he pressed his head against my breast, saying my boobs feel nice. As he and i finally went our separate directions i tried walking away from him fast by power walking. I kept looking back to see if he were going to follow me because he'd realized i had given him a phony number.

I'm afraid he and i will see each other again. I hope not! Especially since i'm still preop and i still have to dress in masculine clothes sometimes. I'm kind of scared a little but hey if anything happens to me, at veyr least i'll probably be born a girl in my next life.

Oh, sorry if some parts of this are incomprehensible. My hands were shaking so much as i wrote this up.

[RobynD]

So sorry that happened. People can be very disregarding, entitled "nothing to lose" jerks. He essentially sexually assaulted you. A hug is a hug and your boobs are not part of it unless he has permission. A hug is social contract that anybody in their right mine understands the extent of. No body get's to grope you or press their cheek into intimate areas of your body without your permission

His verbal objectification of you was harassment and unkind. I likely would have fled at first mention of that, but i can totally understand that when you get into those situations you can feel stunned. You did nothing wrong. It was all on him.

I'd consider contacting the police and if not filing a report (you certainly could, he made you feel unsafe and you were coerced into bodily contact), ask them to watch out for the dude. If he did it to you, he will do it to others. This stuff is serious and people like this have to realize that there is no place for this.

[ainsley]

Wow, that sounds quite unnerving!  I would ask you why you felt the need to stop?  If it were I, stopping would not have happened.  Keep walking.  It seemed like once you gave him the time of day he took that and ran with it, commenting more, asking for your number, asking for a hug, etc.  Each time you give in, he goes for more.  It cascades.  Do not start the process by giving him your precious time, girl.  Period.  I know you may have felt that you needed to in order to avoid being assaulted right then and there, and I don't know where you live, nor the area, but you must plan ahead and look out for yourself with your planned path of travel, self defense, etc.

I am sorry that happened to you!  I hate creeper dudes...

[Annaiyah]

He essentially sexually assaulted you. A hug is a hug and your boobs are not part of it unless he has permission. A hug is social contract that anybody in their right mine understands the extent of. Nobody gets to grope you or press their cheek into intimate areas of your body without your permission

His verbal objectification of you was harassment and unkind. I likely would have fled at first mention of that, but i can totally understand that when you get into those situations you can feel stunned. You did nothing wrong. It was all on him.

I'd consider contacting the police and if not filing a report (you certainly could, he made you feel unsafe and you were coerced into bodily contact), ask them to watch out for the dude. If he did it to you, he will do it to others. This stuff is serious and people like this have to realize that there is no place for this.

This happened in a neighboring town so i would possibly have to contact the police in that jurisdiction. However, it hadn't occurred to me that he sexually assaulted me. When he pressed the side of his head into my breast i actually wasn't sure if he did it intentionally or if it was innocent. Mind you, i'm 5'11. He's just a little shorter than me, about 5'7, and so his face is just a little higher than where my breasts are.

I don't know if or not it's to the extent where it warrants notifying the police but knowing he possibly sexually assaulted or groped me has me feeling violated... Oh my goodness i hope he don't live in this area! I don't ever want to see him again and hope he doesn't contact me!

Wow, that sounds quite unnerving!  I would ask you why you felt the need to stop? If it were I, stopping would not have happened.  Keep walking.  It seemed like once you gave him the time of day he took that and ran with it, commenting more, asking for your number, asking for a hug, etc.  Each time you give in, he goes for more.  It cascades.  Do not start the process by giving him your precious time, girl.  Period.  I know you may have felt that you needed to in order to avoid being assaulted right then and there, and I don't know where you live, nor the area, but you must plan ahead and look out for yourself with your planned path of travel, self defense, etc.

I am sorry that happened to you!  I hate creeper dudes...

Me being an mtf girl, i like when dudes flirt with me and try to talk to me but this encounter was a little more than i bargained for. But during the encounter, i kind of felt threatened that he would try and hurt me because he sounded quite ominous when he was saying that stuff like "don't bull***t me; i don't play games, i'm not playing," etc. and so i felt intimidated into giving him what he thinks is my real number. I'm scared even more now that he might even be trying to contact me as i write this and if he's calling and texting the number i gave him, he'll be getting error messages and he realizes it's not me and might be mad about me giving him the wrong number.

Also, you answered your own question when you said: "I know you may have felt that you needed to in order to avoid being assaulted right then and there," but i felt the need to give him "my" number for that reason.

As for where i traveled, i traveled in such a pathway to avoid being seen by people who previously recognize me as a guy and all as while staying in scenic routes where there is frequent motor traffic (not in residential neighborhoods) as that is the way to the transportation center but that town has it's occasional crimes.

Thank you both for replying.

[HappyMoni]

That sounds pretty traumatic. I too am sorry you had to deal with that. I hope you are okay. It makes me think about carrying pepper spray in the purse. Putting your hand in the purse, he wouldn't know if you had a gun or what.
Moni

[JMJW]

Good call in not telling him you're transgender. One who disregards physical boundaries so recklessly is the last person who needs to hear that.

[RobynD]

I definitely get the drive to flirt. As women, many of us were sort of denied that when growing up or we had to place ourselves in a flirt mode that did not really match up with our insides. It also goes to show you how quickly something like that can go south.

I try and flirt in gentle way with people. "You look really nice today" but i know culturally that is not always that easy.

[Annaiyah]

Here's the thing:

As unsettling as this encounter like this was for me, with encounters like this, it all serves as a reminder that there are guys like him out there who won't seem to take a hint when you try to give every excuse that you can think of as to why you're not interested in him.

It's sad because i want to believe that there are decent guys out there who know how to respect women and do, and there are. I'm not one to man-bash and that's not what this thread is about. It's just that as i live this life and step into this world from a woman's point of view, i started at one point to get this (mis)conception in my mind that "men are perverts" and people like the man i encountered yesterday reinforce that as much as i don't want to believe that.

But at least since i've experienced a situation like this i have a better sense of how to handle a situation in which a catcaller wants my number but has almost nothing else to comment on about me other than having nice boobs.

Good call in not telling him you're transgender. One who disregards physical boundaries so recklessly is the last person who needs to hear that.

Yes, Jmjw! Exactly this. In fact, even now i scare myself thinking about what he probably would've done to me if i told him that. He could've freaking dragged me in an alleyway, raped me, or heaven forbid murdered me. But then again there is also the possibility he might've noticed it anyway which makes the situation even more dangerous.