Transitioning to FTM

[Sasha2015]

  For years I have been struggling with my gender. I am really at a state of confusion. I am now seeing a gender therapist whom specializes in gender. I transisted a long time ago to MTF. Since that time I had major depression. Mood problems. I remember before transitioning to MTF I wasn't depressed. No mood problems. I naturally was europhic. Now I can't feel good no matter what. I have daydreamed and took a long hard look at my like. As a woman I just go through the motions of being a woman. I have never went full time since my transition. It has been like a bad marriage. Yesterday I was at wits end of how much I hate being a woman. I know that I have a long road ahead of me. I transitioned on the black market with the proper proceedure. Behind everyones back. This time I will not transition immediately. I will take it slow and under guidance of professionals. I have also experienced no Pleasure in taking Estrogen I get no mental benefits from it or feel like a real woman.

[Devlyn]

Big hug! I missed your intro, so welcome to Susan's Place!

You're on a long road, weary traveler. I think you're doing the right thing coordinating with medical providers. Please keep us updated on how things are going.

Hugs, Devlyn

[Dena]

Therapy is a good idea at this point however something must have caused you to make the MTF transition in the first place. I reviewed both of your posts and the full story isn't there. At this point, I would suggest you look at our WIKI because I suspect that your gender identity lies somewhere between male and female. Only you can say for sure but we are willing to help you with our knowledge.

[SailorMars1994]

What made you decide to transition in the first place? I mean something must have made you want to be a woman. I ask with genuine curiosity and really hope u do what you gotta do to be happy. But if you plan to go M2F2M I say trend with caution.... I tried that and it didnt last long or feel good at all so i am female. I know, I know everyones milage may very but ''going back'' is something that is harder then you would think. Much love-Ashley

[Sasha2015]

Hi All...
I have androgen insensitivity syndrome. I was originally small frame and kinda short. That is the cause of my transition along with feeling like a woman.

[Devlyn]

You only have to explain what you're comfortable explaining. Detransition, retransition, untransition, it doesn't matter to me where you're headed. I'll be there to help you.

Hugs, Devlyn

[Dena]

Hi All...
I have androgen insensitivity syndrome. I was originally small frame and kinda short. That is the cause of my transition along with feeling like a woman.

This is getting pretty complex. I suspect the correct terminology would be partial androgen insensitivity syndrome because with full androgen insensitivity, the condition often isn't discovered until the person starts questioning why they aren't experiencing normal feminine development or they are unable to become pregnant.

Something I don't know if you have seen discussed is I feel there are two types of dysphoria. The most common one discussed is body dysphoria where people are uncomfortable with aspects of their body. The other one is social where they are uncomfortable with how they relate to other people. I think most people have some of each and in my case, I was mostly social. For me, cross living solved most of my issues though I still wanted surgery to finish things off. It may help you to examine how you felt about this before and after your transition as it could help you understand what you are doing and why.

You don't need to answer this to me, but only yourself and my offer still stands to help you however I can.