Hi Everyone,
I am going by Jailyn but, right now still living as a male. I go by Jeremy outside. I am 36 going on 37 on the 16th. I have struggled with my self identity I am sure like everyone here most of my life. I actually found out there was another way than male and female after accidentally seeing some porn pics online as a teen. So that gave me hope that there were others that felt like me. I got in trouble by my parents of course because they wanted to know if i wanted to be a woman or was I just interested in ->-bleeped-<-s and such. It was a very awkward conversation. It has scared me for years to consider because of this one encounter. Growing up I played mostly with girls and we played house (I somehow was always the mom, lol), my brother and I played shopping with a cart and I had the purse and wig, I enjoyed jump roping, hop scotch, and piano. Many of these things my peers made fun of me for because it was girly. When I played any sports they said I shot like a girl or threw like one. So societal stigmas have stymied me for the longest. Even an ex that told me it was not right or natural for a man to want to be a woman. I have never really considered myself masculine as an adult. My facial hair is like sparse, hardly any body hair, no six pack or great muscle build, and yes I compared my penis to others and felt inadequate with it's size. Also, I grew up mormon and well in our religion you are born what you are and God doesn't make mistakes. So, I have felt this cloud of many social stigmas that hold us and lock us into who we are and you cannot deviate. On several occasions I had stashes of feminine clothes and have thrown them out so I didn't get caught, but they made me feel good. I thought these feelings would go away and thought it wasn't normal. I haven't really come out to anyone I don't feel brave enough to do that yet. Also it is complicated because still trying to finalize a divorce, she left me for someone else. I have kids as well and it is all scary. I have been on HRT for little over a month now. I love so far how it makes me feel and am feeling some changes like the breasts hurt a bit. I have been attending a group that is helping me a lot to feel I need to be who I am. I have a few friends online that are also MTF's that I talk to and know their stories. That is me in a small nutshell, thanks.
