Is it okay to start HRT self medicating at 15 MTF?

[andrejce45]

As I remember, when I was younger 6-7 years old I was wondering why they cut my hair short so that was the reason why I was wearing T-shirts on my hair pretending that I was having long hair and I used to think I was girl because I was feeling very feminine. I used to wear female clothes too. My dad bought me make up so I've been raised in feminine culture that means nobody taught me how to behave like a male. And when it comes to my look the only thing that I have manly on my face is nose but it's not that manly I think I can pass as woman. Because I'm still young looking I can pass. I wish I was having more rounded face so long hair would suit me better. And now I'm taking spironolactone that I bought from closest pharmacy. I split the pill and I take half of the pill. I don't know how much "mg" I'm taking. And I felt better after taking that pill. More relaxed than I've been last 3 years since my puberty started.I've been experiencing depression, social anxiety and social dysphoria. This is my fourth day of taking spironolactone. I know it doesn't block my body from producing testosterone but at least it suppress and testosterone won't have power to make me even more manly. I don't know how much time I can go without hormones in my body. But I want to start estrogen as fast as possible.   Primarily I'm transitioning because I can't deal with having beard shadow, it would make me feel even more dysphoric than I'm now and also I cannot afford gender therapist because I live in very transphobic and homophobic country.Also I'm not coming out at home and if they see me having boobs I don't know how my mum or dad are going to react to that but I don't care I'm going to make what makes me happy and what is going to fullfill me. I was thinking about staying effeminate man but I just can't. Gay men still are going to treat me as a man and there are gender roles in relationship. ( I'm not talking about sexual fetishes ) and most of gay men are masculine and they're attracted to masculinity or butch gay men. I'm attracted to masculinity as well. And also my life would be hundred percent better if I was cisgender woman but I have to fight for my female body, for my female sex organ. I'm not scared If I die. I'll think I would die or I would get cancer because I won't take progesteron. But anyway I would like to die rather than being guy and being treated as guy the whole life. It sucks. I don't say that being female is hundred percent perfect I know it isn't but I can't deal with social dysphoria as well as gender dysphoria. It consumes my life. I want to be free. I would rather deal with transphobia. If I don't start HRT I think suicide is the way to go. I would probably starve to death. I'm not going to school untill 1st September. So I have a time to starve myself to death. But when I'm going to school the only way to deal with social dysphoria is eating as much as I can to relief my dysphoria. If I start to shave I would live hell on Earth. I just can't. I hate my maleness I don't hate my penis but if a man loves me he would be okay me having a penis. I can be still a girl. You can say that I'm lie but you probably don't because I'm on transgender forum. There are people who are saying that we as a transgender girls aren't girls and they don't treat us a girls. I know dating would be harder but I would get a man for sure and I'll probably do something to get best out of him and I'll get SRS if I change my mind about being girl with penis. But it seems better to gay effeminate male when it comes to dating but I can't because I'm overly feminine girl. And I identify as a girl. I'm more comfortable with she/her pronouns. I want curvy body. I'm sure that I'm transgender because since I started taking spironolactone I felt very calm and peaceful with myself for some reason.  And then I'm taking estrofem. I can't wait for my womanhood to start. What are your opinions? Also I have to mention that I would never ever regret transition into female because I'm attracted to men so that means If I stay man I would probably don't have biological children which pisses me of and it's one of the reasons why I want to transition.

[Artesia]

I would say that doing it without medical supervision is a bad idea.  Talk to your primary care physician, and he/she should be able to help you.

Also, you may want to remove the dosages from your post.

[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. Self medication is a bad idea because dosage is personal. By that I mean that some people require no spiro as estradiol is sufficient as a blocker while others require a dosage above the typical dosage. The same applies to estradiol where a low dosage may be sufficient for some people while others require an above normal dosage. The only way to know what your dosage should be is through regular blood tests. In addition, spiro can upset your electrolyte balance and estradiol could cause liver issues and again, regular monitoring will help you avoid these issues. Properly monitored, HRT can be safe and effective allowing you to have a long life. I suggest that you seek out proper medical care.

In addition, we don't allow discussion of this topic except as a part of providing proper medical care.

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[Charlie Nicki]

Self medicating isn't a good idea but I understand the anxiety and wanting everything fast. You already started doing it and most likely nothing we say can stop you from continuing. My advice would be that even if you still take the pills you bought, seek a doctor who can give you proper long term treatment. The pills you bought might be a temporary "fix" for your anxiety, depression, etc...But only a qualified doctor can give you proper and safe treatment, also you really want the right dosage to take full advantage of the hormones and the feminization. That can only happen after you take medical exams.

[LizK]

I have to agree with the others...Self medicating is a bad idea but I understand your need and why you are doing it. Much better if you can find a Dr willing to help and maybe even help tailor the medications to your needs and getting you the result you want. Good luck and I hope you can find the peace

[rose]

I'm in the same shoe as you
And I feel I can give you more advices

I start self medication in young age
Also I'm in very transphobic and homophobic place
Where it's illegal to be transgender or transition and having doctors to help you is impossible it's even risky to ask doctor to help you transition because they can call the police on you



The fact is the changes will be very noticeable because you're starting hormones in younger age ( before 18 )
Sexual assault and bad things may happens since you're in transphobic country
And if being transsexual is illegal in your country like mine they can arrest you for being feminine

We didn't born lucky to be in safe country where we can be ourselves and transition under doctor care like most girls here

That why you MOST Be careful and most important be SAFE

if your country criminalize being transgender , cross dress and homosexuality like mine
Hide your self and your feminine side
It will be harder the longer you take the hormones because the affects will be noticeable

I live under consistent fear of being arrest by the police or being attack by the people and I force unjustifiable transphobic treatment on daily basis because I'm transgender and I have no chance of living as woman even though I was luck to found online doctor and support to got my srs letter
And I'm having my srs soon
Even after my surgery I won't be able to live as woman or change my gender to female


I don't want this to happen with you too
That my advice be safe and have future plan


And always be careful

Hugs xx

[jentay1367]

Everyone's body is different. If you damage your organs (a real possibility) through self medication, you could screw up your health and your opportunity to ever have a successful transition. Take that into account before you make any decisions.