Hello everyone, my name is Claudia.
A little bit about me:
I am 24 years old and I am MTF/Lesbian pre-HRT.
I love to build custom PC's, Music (esp Ellie Goulding) love reading, watching movies (esp all things Sci-Fi), fashion and cars!
I live in a small town in the USA.
My Story (Sorry it's a bit long):
For sometime now I was not sure of my self, who I really was on the inside.
Since I was about ten years old or so I had moments of self questioning, but I had no real answers to my questions at that time. Seeing as I was young it was hard for me to work certain things out as I did not know as much of the world (nor my self) as I do now. So these feelings came and went with time on and off, still with no answers. It was not until about five years when these feelings started to become stronger, feelings that I was not happy with my self yet not 100% sure why and that somehow something felt wrong and missing. A couple of more years past and that "something" turned into "somethings", and I started to realize that the "things" I was feeling were feminine. As another year past I really started to realize that the inner me was out of alignment with the outer me. And all of those questions of years past made sense, like sometimes being called a girl or that I was acting girlishly and that I had to act a bit more manly the next time. Moving forward having what I later realized was Dysphoria things became worse and I found my self here. Problem was even though I found my self here I had not accepted anything yet, and I questioned my self even harder as to who am I? Until I finally broke down (internally) from having a really bad Dysphoria day at work, when I came home I jumped on this sites Chat system. And with help from some really great and awesome people I finally came to terms with my TRUE inner self. The relief I felt accepting my self for who I really was, was not only powerful yet calming.
Today I find my self in a better and yet harder place.
The Good: I am like totally happier with accepting my inner self and I really look forward to starting HRT and down the road SRS to feel "complete" as I do not feel so right now.
The Bad: Realizing the above, I quickly began to fear for the future of things just as much as I wanted it. I fear losing my families support, my friends and so much more. On top of that being in a small town (which I love) can also be bad in regards to the wildfire called gossip.
I am so afraid of coming out, as I could not support my self on my own. And not for a lack of trying either, as I work multiple jobs.
Maybe most of all, the fear of not being able to find that special someone to accept me for who I am to be with for life. Not to mention that I want children as well, and trying figuring that one out.
All being said, I am happy to know who I am now. That I did so sooner then later, now it's a matter of figuring other life matter out.
And I can not thank enough the people I talked to here who shared their stories and how they felt with me to realize I am not alone, that it's ok and that I am really Transgender.
Thank you all, and for your time reading this!
Lots of Love, Claudia
