Being treated as a female.

[FTMDiaries]

It wasn't just men that thought that way.  My grandmother believed a woman only needed enough education to keep house and raise children.  As a result, my mother didn't go to high school.  This was back in the '30s.

My parents had a similar attitude towards me: they paid for my elder brother to go to university, but they refused to let me go to uni because as far as they were concerned all I needed was a little job to tide me over until I could marry the boss, then I could stay at home to raise his kids. So my parents wouldn't support me for anything higher than my High School education. And yes, my mother was equally responsible for this attitude (even though she worked for as long as I knew her): I paid for my own college courses in my late teens & early 20s, and she told me I was too big for my boots for thinking I deserved to get a decent education & a high-paying career. That was in the early-to-mid 1990s!

[Julia1996]

Well here is an update. Last night my brother started telling me he was hungry. So I told him if he was hungry then he better find something to eat and that there were frozen dinners in the freezer. (He hates those!) He asked why I wasn't gonna cook and I told him I was but just for myself. He wasn't too happy about that. He said I was being a total bitch and that he didn't need me to make him anything. Then he stomped away.  So like 10 minutes later he comes back all sad and pouty with the kicked puppy eyes and tells me I'm being mean and asks me if I would really cook something for myself and eat it in front of him while he ate a crappy frozen dinner. I told him I totally would. Then he started whining how he didn't know how to cook anything but microwave stuff and that I like to cook anyway. I told him yes I do like to cook but I like to cook when I WANT to cook. Not when someone TELLS me I have to. Then he asked if I would please cook him something. I told him no that it was to late for that since he already TOLD me I had to cook and do everything else as if he was a drill instructor. I told him if he wanted dinner I would tell him how to do it buitthat he had to actually cook it and clean up the kitchen after.  I was totally surprised when he agreed. I figured he couldn't mess up spaghetti too much so I told him how to make that. It actually was good. He was so proud of himself you'd think he discovered cold fusion or something instead of making simple ass spaghetti.  He did it with a lot less complaining than I expected. Except for some bitching when I told him he had to wash the pots and not put them in the dishwasher. After dinner I told him he needed to get over his attitude toward women. Of course he didn't know what I was talking about. I told him that acting like my dad and grandpa was gonna cause him big problems with women in the future and that no woman was going to put up with being treated like a second class servant. He started saying he didn't have any problems with women and I reminded him that he didn't have a girlfriend. Only booty calls and very casual hookups and that sooner or later he was going to want more. I explained that being handsome and muscular would attract plenty of girls but if his attitude sucks no girl is going to want a relationship with him no matter how hot he is. He didn't really say a lot. I think he was kind of shocked.  I told him to just think about it. I don't know if he will listen or not but I hope so. One good sign is that this morning he actually asked me to iron his shirt or show him how to do it instead of throwing it at me and saying " iron this" like he and my dad usually do. About a minute into it he said " this is so ## boring I hate this" I told him ironing wasn't a thrill for anyone and to try ironing a basket of his and my dad's clothes for a fun time.

[Charlie Nicki]

Well here is an update. Last night my brother started telling me he was hungry. So I told him if he was hungry then he better find something to eat and that there were frozen dinners in the freezer. (He hates those!) He asked why I wasn't gonna cook and I told him I was but just for myself. He wasn't too happy about that. He said I was being a total bitch and that he didn't need me to make him anything. Then he stomped away.  So like 10 minutes later he comes back all sad and pouty with the kicked puppy eyes and tells me I'm being mean and asks me if I would really cook something for myself and eat it in front of him while he ate a crappy frozen dinner. I told him I totally would. Then he started whining how he didn't know how to cook anything but microwave stuff and that I like to cook anyway. I told him yes I do like to cook but I like to cook when I WANT to cook. Not when someone TELLS me I have to. Then he asked if I would please cook him something. I told him no that it was to late for that since he already TOLD me I had to cook and do everything else as if he was a drill instructor. I told him if he wanted dinner I would tell him how to do it buitthat he had to actually cook it and clean up the kitchen after.  I was totally surprised when he agreed. I figured he couldn't mess up spaghetti too much so I told him how to make that. It actually was good. He was so proud of himself you'd think he discovered cold fusion or something instead of making simple ass spaghetti.  He did it with a lot less complaining than I expected. Except for some bitching when I told him he had to wash the pots and not put them in the dishwasher. After dinner I told him he needed to get over his attitude toward women. Of course he didn't know what I was talking about. I told him that acting like my dad and grandpa was gonna cause him big problems with women in the future and that no woman was going to put up with being treated like a second class servant. He started saying he didn't have any problems with women and I reminded him that he didn't have a girlfriend. Only booty calls and very casual hookups and that sooner or later he was going to want more. I explained that being handsome and muscular would attract plenty of girls but if his attitude sucks no girl is going to want a relationship with him no matter how hot he is. He didn't really say a lot. I think he was kind of shocked.  I told him to just think about it. I don't know if he will listen or not but I hope so. One good sign is that this morning he actually asked me to iron his shirt or show him how to do it instead of throwing it at me and saying " iron this" like he and my dad usually do. About a minute into it he said " this is so ## boring I hate this" I told him ironing wasn't a thrill for anyone and to try ironing a basket of his and my dad's clothes for a fun time.

I loved all of this. If you keep it up he might actually improve for good.

[ainsley]

Good stuff, Julia.  I guarantee you are making an impression on him that is contrary to what he learned by rote.  Keep up the good work!

[AnonyMs]

I get the strangest feeling I'm reading a history book hearing all that, or its from a different culture, but I see you're in the USA. I don't get it.

I was going to say more, but I can't figure out how to say it.

[Julia1996]

No it's not a different culture.  My dad's family is just ass backward and my brother picked it up.

[josie76]

Ok should I be getting as much entertainment from this story unfolding as I am!? 

His reaction to you really does sound positive. Getting him to stay considerate after your dad gets back may well be another thing altogether. I hope he takes some of what you tell him to heart.

[TonyaW]

Your update was awesome Julia.  Might be hope for your brother.  I've got plenty of years on your dad even and I taught myself to cook in high school.  Figured if I could cook I'd always be able to eat what I wanted.  My close to 30yo daughters on the other hand can't do much more than use the microwave and boil water.  Not 100% sure about the boiling water.

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[FTMDiaries]

Perfect! You handled that like a boss. 

Your brother has just perfectly demonstrated my point: the men in your family will only get away with this crap if the women let them. You've simply refused to allow him to get away with it, leaving him no choice but to act like a grown-up for once in his life. You're doing him a massive favour and he'll be a better man because of it. Well done! I can't wait to hear the next instalment

[Rayna]

Awesome story, Julia! You really helped both of you.

Another thing you can do is cook together. My wife loves to do that (we split it about evenly most of the time). That way he can learn, and you become a team.

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[Julia1996]

Last night I actually helped him like Randy suggests. He really wanted lasagna but thought it was too much to take on by himself. But I made him clean up after. He's starting to get a little grudgy about the situation. Grumpy attitude, mumbles under his breath, that kind of stuff. But so far he's still cooperating.  Yesterday afternoon he did some laundry. He can at least do that himself he just doesn't like doing it. He had washed 3 of his dress shirts that needed ironing. He asked if there was any possible way I would please,please iron them for him. I told him I would if he vacuumed.  I told him make sure to use the attachments to get the dog hair off the furniture. Then I asked him if he wanted me to show him how to use the vacuum.  Wow did his inner dick ever come out!  He said "seriously?  Im not a dumb##. It might have taken you a while to learn how to use it but I'm studying engineering.  I think I can figure out how a vacuum works."  So then later on he calls me in there and he's holding the hose and he tells me it doesn't go to that vacuum. I told him yes it does.  Then he said " use some common sense Julia. There is no possible place this hose could connect.  I don't know where you got this hose but it's the wrong one"   Sooo I told him you have to take the carpet thing OFF to put the hose ON and I put it on. He said that was totally stupid and it was a dumbass design. He said no one would know that. He got really mad. Lol. I told him not to worry that I would watch over him and make sure he didn't stick a fork in the electric outlet or run out into traffic. That pissed him off even more but I couldn't help it. I HAD to mess with him a little. Big smart engineering student got put in his place by a vacuum. Lol! 😂😂  I really doubt he's gonna make it another week but we will see. He's pretty much hating all this.

[Charlie Nicki]

Loool! That's hilarious. The mansplainer got "mansplained" by his sister. Love it.

[JulieOnHerWay]

Keep up the good work Julia.  You have a tough one (but he has potential). 
Next time, "femsplain"to him why the vacuum was designed that way.  Instead of having 2 vacuums they have at least 2.  One for floors and one for high and furniture. 
Remind him that it was several well educated EXPERIENCED engineers that designed in great detail, taking multiple requirements into consideration.  So while it may not appear to him at this point, as he gains more life experience it will become more self-evident that is in fact a good design for its uses.

Then sit back and watch him fume.

[FTMDiaries]

You're doing great, so just keep doing what you're doing. He can moan & bitch all he likes, but a little moaning never hurt anyone! After all, it'd be impossible for him to starve to death within a week so you can happily ignore it. It's just emotional blackmail to try to get you to do stuff for him.

Wherever possible, I recommend you instruct him by telling him how to do things & supervising what he does, rather than doing anything for him (keep your hands behind your back if that helps). Exchanging chores (as you did with the ironing) can be helpful if you do it strategically, but it can also mean that you're a still doing stuff for him, so it'd be prudent to keep that sort of thing to a minimum

[Dena]

There is the other option you can work with your brother. When my roommate and I moved in together, we worked out an arrangement where I do the cleanup in the kitchen and she would cook. It's not that I can't cook and often I did, but menu selection was a problem. I eat pretty much what ever is available but my roommate had a far more refined sense of taste than I did. With her doing the menu, I knew she wouldn't be complaining about what I cooked.

Now I didn't get off easy because she had the ability to use far more pots and pans than were required to do the job and stuff would spill on the stove all the time. Make sure you continue to offer your brother some of the nasty jobs in exchange for the tasks you do for him. It will help him develop a better understanding of what's really involved in the things he takes for granted.

[Tally]

Oh that actually sounds really sweet that your dad is protective of you. Maybe a little too protective but I would give anything for my family to accept and treat me as a woman. I'm 19 too and not even a month into transitioning but hopefully when everyone starts to notice some of the changes I'll be accepted for who I am. I'm glad you have a such a supportive family.