Transition, makeup and self presentation

[Deb Roz]

Hi All,

I'm writing from the closet, but I have a question for you ladies at various stages in transition.  How have you grown into the process of 'putting on your face' , so to speak? 

The reason I ask is that I'm a little bit of a slob, myself.  I don't put a lot of time at all into my appearance, though I wonder if dysphoria is partly to blame.  I just don't care much about looking like a man, so I do the minimum to qualify, and then I'm done. 

Has anyone found that they are much more willing to take the time to put yourself together when expressing your true gender?  I want to look pretty, but I don't know how much I am willing to work for it. 

I guess I sound pretty lazy.  I have a tendency to over-think things rather than just getting to it!  Can anyone point me to some threads or share stores about learning a good make-up routine? 

[ds1987]

Ooo girl, I could talk about makeup for hours!  I watched so many YouTube videos for years before finally starting to practice last summer.  I started working at a clothing store last July, and started experimenting with both women's clothes and makeup for work.  I started small, and I wasn't decidedly trans quite yet, so I'd wear foundation and concealer, used a brown eye pencil, things that would make me look more pretty boy than woman.  They say to start by using the canvas you already have.

As I went, it just sort of took off, I think because I'd been wanting to wear makeup for years and I finally had the opportunity to do whatever I wanted with it.  Before I knew, I was contouring and eyelining and shadowing and wearing false lashes.  But again, this was at a clothing store, so it made more sense for me to do all that.

I didn't know how to do simple makeup for just being out during the day or at a massage gig (I'm a freelance massage therapist) until I did the full(est) face first.  I had to go big before I learned how to tone down. And spending an hour on my makeup when I'm going to be rubbing people who are face down really doesn't make sense.  Something really oddly wonderful though, is that my face has a more feminine quality with less makeup because I started to act more feminine because of the full routine.  I started to see myself differently, and wasn't forcing myself to cover up, but enjoying bringing out what I already liked about my face.

Lastly (for now lol), I started wearing makeup months before taking any hormones or finding a new name, etc.  I needed to practice looking like a woman to the fullest extent possible, to give myself room to come to the middle.  I still glam it up when I have the time or the occasion calls for it, but I have a better view of myself because I gave that time in between to see a snapshot of what I might look like in the future.

If you'd like, I would LOVE to chat with you privately and talk about any questions you have, products to start with, how to start slowly so you aren't overwhelmed, etc.  I remember the beginning because it wasn't long ago, and there were days that I would wipe everything off because I hated what little skill I had at the time.  So, no judgments, and it's actually a lot of fun for me to help that way.  Also, if you were to go to my profile and look at my topics, I have pics on #13 from January and #1 from last week.  What a difference a few months can make!

Be well,
Aria

[KathyLauren]

I got a friend to show me how to do makeup.  I can do a fair job, but one of these days, I'll get a professional to show me how.

I, too, am lazy.  I will put on the works if I am going where a lot of people will be looking at me.  For everyday outings, like going grocery shopping, I just do lipstick and mascara.  And for walking the dog, gardening, etc., I just put on sunscreen and bug repellent.

I should do a bit more than I do, because I still have some shadow on my moustache area.  For a while, I was keeping it under control with laser treatments, but the technician advised me not to continue laser over the summer because the estrogen makes my skin react to sunlight (melasma).  So no laser until the fall, and I really should be covering the shadow in the meantime.  But plenty of cis women my age have hair on their upper lip.  I look good and I pass well enough to get gendered correctly, and that is all I want. 

The other thing is that I really don't like the look of makeup that is heavy enough to cover beard shadow or freckles.  It seems to emphasize wrinkles.  I have always preferred a more natural look.  In most situations, I give enough facial clues without a full makeup job to be gendered female: lippy, mascara, earrings, I've had my eyebrows waxed, general changes from HRT. 

[LizK]

I have been taking the tact of getting a daily "look" that is simple and straight forward that even a clutz like me can manage

Toner
Sometimes I will use highlight and use a colour fix palette to smooth out my complexions blemishes before applying Foundation but usually not for day
BB cream or foundation
Eye liner + Kohl liner for lower lids
Mascara
Lip stick

I wear this pretty much anytime I am not in prep for electrolysis (which feels like I spend most of my time doing...prepping for electrolysis at the moment)

its weird it makes me feel more comfortable being me when I wear a bit of makeup on a regular basis...the better I get with each product the more often I use it.

[Deb Roz]

Thank you so much for your responses!     It makes me smile and gives me a warm feeling to talk about these things with you. 

Aria, your enthusiasm just leaps off the page!  I really appreciate the offer to help me out, I may take you up on that some time.  Even if I am just tiptoeing at this point, I believe in being well informed.  I think Massage Therapy is a wonderful thing, good for you!  I'm a Finance Assistant at an OBGYN clinic.  It's not glamorous.   

I currently work in an office, so I'm pretty visible.  I will definitely just be doing things around the house for a while first.  I really need to come out to my girlfriend, because I have been tempted to steal her cosmetics while she is away!      We live together, and I think she will be supportive.  Not sure our complexions quite match, and I have much darker hair and eyes. 

KathyLauren,  I hear you regarding heavy makeup.  I like the idea of it for fun, but I do wonder how much I'd need to cake on to cover my stubble.  My guess is I could get like maybe 4 hours our of a shave before it's just too much.  Sigh.  I'm not prepared to even go there. 

I am interested in getting a basic overall face.    Elizabeth, I like your list, I think I can wrap my mind around those things.  I definitely dig a little eye liner and lip color.  And I imagine foundation is the kind of thing that is doing a lot more work than I even realize. 

Whew, there's a lot to know.   One thing I might note is that foundation and moisturizers and things like that will really take some getting used to.  I've got some texture issues.  But, if I can build a positive association, I can get over them.  My skin isn't fantastic, so it can use the help. 

[LizK]

I have been fulltime since March and I am still working on my look...so don't think you need to be in any hurry.  I actually wore BB cream only for quite some time...then added the bottom eyeliner etc but just BB cream for ages

[Deb Roz]

Congratulations on being full time!   How long did it take you to get to this stage? 

I really like how you look in your Avatar, Elizabeth.  You look happy.  I like your hair and your coloring and your clothes.  It all looks very nice. 

[Deb Roz]

oops, duh, I see you have dates in your signature!     

Was it a long process between self-realization and deciding to transition?

[LizK]

oops, duh, I see you have dates in your signature!     

Was it a long process between self-realization and deciding to transition?

Thankyou for the compliments...I have known all my life but had refused to really accept what I wanted and needed to do but in 2011-12 I began to have physical manifestations in the form of weight loss, agitation, violent lucid nightmares, sleep walking, insomnia, appetite issues and worst and most dangerous was growing suicidal idealisation. It was about 12 months later I said to myself enough is enough of living this lie of a life. I tried to transition twice before but somehow I felt this time it was going to be different and in 2015 I made the final decision...so from age 4 when I first knew to age 51 when I was finally able to start. I did try in my late 30's but it just didn't work out....it wasn't my time

 

[DawnOday]

In guy mode I am as grungy as you get. From April to October I wear cargo shorts and a tshirt. Now that I have more than man boobs I might have to rethink. But once I put on my clothes and sit down to do my makeup I get so excited. It's like a new art project every day. I have improved significantly from when I used to take two or three hours and look like someone just slapped me along side the head. Now I can get pretty decent in half an hour. Tell me what you think.

[AnonyMs]

I have no interest in makeup or my presentation and I've also been wondering about it. I've no idea why.

If I ever socially transition I don't want to look male, but apart from that no interest at all.

[JMJW]

I hate how you have to take it off every night. I wish they made one that you could sleep in and have no skin problems whatsoever.

I'm also someone who's extremely slow right now. But I'm planning to cut down my internet time and use that for make up until I speed up. 

[Michelle_P]

Hi,Deb!

I posted my full makeup drill and supplies I use for an 'everyday look' over here:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,217010.msg1921004.html#msg1921004

This originally took me about 45 minutes to apply, but with practice and a good set of brushes it is about a 25 minute drill.

[elkie-t]

I have no interest in makeup or my presentation and I've also been wondering about it. I've no idea why.

If I ever socially transition I don't want to look male, but apart from that no interest at all.

There's nothing wrong in going without any makeup for a natural look. I personally like the taste of my lipstick and like my mascara-eyeliner (at the bare minimum).

[elkie-t]

I hate how you have to take it off every night. I wish they made one that you could sleep in and have no skin problems whatsoever.

I'm also someone who's extremely slow right now. But I'm planning to cut down my internet time and use that for make up until I speed up.

At the end, I was able to put my basic look while driving - I'd put foundation at home and let it slightly dry up, then do mascara, eyeliner, eye shadows, lipstick while driving a stick-shift car ) (and some cheeks highlights after exiting it - to prevent it going on my clothes)...

Oh I can totally change from female to male while driving in a highway too. I can change from male to female too, but ended up in some Burger King with a skirt stuck up on my back into my panties 😱 and be publicly chastitised for unladylike behavior by an older lady... so, never again

[Shy]

Being newly out and full time I like to experiment with a little makeup. Missed out on nearly 60 years so i'm finding the whole process very enjoyable. I try not to over do things for day wear and have now slipped into a routine where I'm comfy with what I'm doing.
My first port of call was a makeover in the local chemist to get a colour match for my skin tone and to buy the essentials. I then had a lesson at salon that helped some. From there I just experimented. I like to be a little more adventurous for evenings out, being a bit bolder with my colours an shimmers, but still try to stick to the "less is more" principle but with a bit more sparkle. It all depends on where I'm going and how I'm feeling

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

[Julia1996]

I LOVE makeup. It's taken awhile to find the right colors and to learn what I can wear,  what I can get away with at night and what I totally can't wear. I can't get too crazy with colors or I literally will look like a clown. For every day make up I use mascara which takes about 4 coats and I fill in my eyebrows. I probably spend the most time on my eyebrows. I use auburn and very light brown and I go really slow. Almost hair by hair. If I used darker pencil it would look freaky. I do use a setting powder on my eyebrows to set them after I fill them in. I don't use foundation because they don't make it light enough and even if they did there is no point in putting white on white. I use shading on my cheeks but I actually use very light colored concealer  to do shading. Regular contour and shading palettes are too dark and look like soot on me. And I use pinks, light purples and peach colors on my lips. I think bright red lipstick is totally cool but it makes me look like a cartoon character.  If I'm going out at night I get more creative with my eyes. I used mascara and eyebrow pencil every day even when I was a boy because I absolutely HATE how white eyebrows and lashes look.

[Deb Roz]

Hey look, my thread is blowing up a little bit.  This is great    

Okay, I don't have time to respond to everyone, but I really appreciate all of your input.  I'll just say to Dawn, since you asked:  I think you look great!   

I'm glad to hear that others don't mind be a little shabby sometimes.  I've always taken comfort in shabbiness, but I think I can do both  

I think I've got pretty good eyebrows, so I'm excited to work with them.  I need to find some time rather than just avoiding things that matter to me in favor of distractions.  (Internet, TV, games).  It's a bad habit