To boob-up or de-boob? Quandries of a bi-gender

[Cailan Jerika]

So I've been having a knock-down drag-out argument with myself for a few weeks now, and I figure the fight will go on for a while.

It's all about my boobs. They're huge, unbindable, and after nursing three kids and losing 90 pounds, look more like semi-deflated balloons that hang nearly to my waist.

When I'm in guy mode I want them gone. I imagine myself with a well-muscled, flat chest. I don't hate having boobs, no dysphoria about them, but I also would love to see myself with a typical male chest. I also imagine myself fully transitioned, and it's awesome. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. The only downside is I'm pretty meh about male clothing options and not thrilled about short hair. They don't much appeal to me. But at the moment I'm in boy mode and I want to tell the girl in me to stuff it. I'm gonna be all the guy I can be.

When I'm in girl mode I want a boob lift, to make them perky and pretty again. I love them. They're a major part of my identity. I'm okay with muscled-up chest and shoulders, which would actually accentuate the boobs and create an awesome amazon warrior look, with long brown hair, my preferred hair choice (I caved to my guy side on Monday and cut it short). And I adore my wardrobe and am obsessive about my earring collection. And necklaces. And shoes. LOL.

I wish I could just pick one, and stick with it. I love being bi-gender, and I hate it. I want to settle into something, to just be.

[amandam]

maybe just get a reduction n lift?

[BlueJaye]

If they are a major part of who you are and you love them, then you will likely regret getting rid of them. Once they're gone, you can't really get them back. I would vote for lift and do some strength training for the chest muscles you want. Then you can have the benefits of both scenarios.

I have seen many cis women with muscular chests and nice boobs, and quite frankly I think they look very nice.

[Elis]

I think it all depends how big you are chest wise. If you're a large B cup plus then no amount of working out will change how flat your chest is. Maybe getting a breast reduction and then work out after you've healed to get the desired effect you want. Although a breast reduction means getting a full chest reconstruction surgery will be difficult.

Or maybe get chest reconstruction and wear breast forms on your female days? I imagine it's a lot easier and a lot more comfortable to wear those than a binder plus you get the added benefit of choosing your own boob size.

[Cailan Jerika]

I think it all depends how big you are chest wise. If you're a large B cup plus then no amount of working out will change how flat your chest is. Maybe getting a breast reduction and then work out after you've healed to get the desired effect you want. Although a breast reduction means getting a full chest reconstruction surgery will be difficult.

Or maybe get chest reconstruction and wear breast forms on your female days? I imagine it's a lot easier and a lot more comfortable to wear those than a binder plus you get the added benefit of choosing your own boob size.

I'm a 36 DDD/E(I was as large as an II cup before I lost weight), and since packers are a huge trigger for my bottom dysphoria (they only serve to remind me of what I don't have) I figure breast forms would be similar. I also can't imagine getting a reduction, when I'm in girl mode they're very important to me as they are (size wise). Being "buxom" is part of my femme identity. I've been in girl mode for nearly a week now, and it's getting harder to remember why I ever wanted them gone. I love them, and got all squealy about bra shopping at Victoria's Secret today. I love that place. I only recently lost enough weight to finally wear their (largest cup) bras, and it's a huge mental reward for my weight loss progress.

[JoanneB]

... I'm pretty meh about male clothing options and not thrilled about short hair. They don't much appeal to me.

I know the feeling well    Though short hair I wouldn't mind vs no hair 

Seems to me you do enjoy having the boobs. I'm plenty happy happy with my perky almost B and I do live & present primarily as male

[Skyelish]

You do you dude.

[Rowann]

I just talked to my doctor about getting mine taken off. Doing the recon would take forever to heal, and nipples are overrated (already nursed my kids, too). They're huge, painful, and breast cancer runs in my family, so the easiest surgery would be just getting rid of them altogether (for me). It also would fit my ideal vision of myself. Reduction and lifted is still boobs, and having them removed but nips reattached seems pointless.

[KathyLauren]

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