anti trans friend

[noitsbecky]

i transitioned  10 years ago, im still saving for surgery.  a friend of mine keeps posting anti trans things on facebook.  i am living stealth only my spouse knows but no one else.  i am not an advocate but it upsets me when she talks crap about Chelsea manning and other out trans woman.  i dont knnow what to do.  i dont want to looose a friend but i can't stand being around a bigot.  should i cut her off, or should i pretend to disagree as .a cis female she thinks i am?

[TinaVane]

Is that a real life friend or social media friend ? ... oh wait you are stealth ... never mind


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[noitsbecky]

its a friend i kno2 in person

[Denise]

Do that talk that way and express those opinions in person or just online? If it's just online, you can silence them and they will never know.  You still appear as their friend but you never see what they post. 

But I might suggest that you could, in a nice way, ask them to justify their negative post with some reliable facts from a Factual source.  (I don't want to list non-factual sources, but you can figure it out.)

two more choices are extremes - unfriend and break off all ties  (you can do it slowly so they won't understand why) or you could confront them.  You could pose as an ally.

[Gertrude]

Do that talk that way and express those opinions in person or just online? If it's just online, you can silence them and they will never know.  You still appear as their friend but you never see what they post. 

But I might suggest that you could, in a nice way, ask them to justify their negative post with some reliable facts from a Factual source.  (I don't want to list non-factual sources, but you can figure it out.)

two more choices are extremes - unfriend and break off all ties  (you can do it slowly so they won't understand why) or you could confront them.  You could pose as an ally.

Or ask them how someone being transgender infringes on their rights or ability to live? Maybe they have cognitive dissonance from the bs they've been indoctrinated with, but that's an irrational response by them. They've never examined let alone question what they believe.


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[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. I would contend that a bigot may  not truly be a friend of yours so their loss in the short term might be painful but over the long term it will be for the best. You have several options but I think that coming out wouldn't be a good idea as your secret wouldn't be kept. If you want them out of your life, I would suggest just cutting them out of your life without explanation. If you want to give them one more chance, explain that your friendly with LGBT members and if they can't accept that, it would be best for you to go your separate ways.

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[Harley Quinn]

I would just let her know you don't agree on principle.  The fact that you're trans doesn't factor in unless you're trying to show your empathy.  Hateful monologues are just hate speeches.  If they have a specific beef with one individual would be one thing, spewing hate for a whole group of people based on zero knowledge of the individual is quite another.  Nazi's, White Supremists, and other hate groups operate on similar lines.  You may decide that they should be moved to the aquaintence catagory...

[Laurie]

I have several friends and family on FB that I had to "unfollow" I do not see their regular posts but the can still post directly to my timeline and see my posts.

Laurie

[Gertrude]

Cognitive dissonance is a biotch for some.


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[Tommie_9]

As has already been said, choose "unfollow" and you won't see their posts. I had to do this to several people. I've also denied friend requests if I knew they could be trouble. If you decide to defend the LGBTQ+ community as an ally, take it offline with this person. Sometimes I share things as an advocate, but I'm not in-your-face about it. It's a personal choice. I lost a friend of 36 years when he "discovered" I was transgender. A true friend will stand by you - good riddance if they don't. Good vibes your way.

[HappyMoni]

I might offer a subtle approach if you really want to keep this person. If it comes up, get quiet, move away, whatever the situation calls for to show you will not participate in such talk. If she notices your action and asks what's up, just say you think it is unkind or unfair or whatever your feelings are. You could make it general to all minorities if that is safer for you. You don't have to out yourself to do it.
Moni

[Bari Jo]

I might offer a subtle approach if you really want to keep this person. If it comes up, get quiet, move away, whatever the situation calls for to show you will not participate in such talk. If she notices your action and asks what's up, just say you think it is unkind or unfair or whatever your feelings are. You could make it general to all minorities if that is safer for you. You don't have to out yourself to do it.
Moni

I like this approach.  I do it with most rants I hear about politics too.  I equate it to seeing a homeless person walking up the street, talking loudly to himself.  Will I continue on my path and pass him, or will I cross the street to avoid?  I damn well will cross the street to avoid the crazy.  If you relay it in those terms they might take offense, but I'm okay with that.  I prefer peace to insanity.  I tell that to my friends all the time.  They get the point, certain topics are off limits.  I'm hoping that when they have those thoughts now and they can't speak openly, they are having self reflection.  Here's to hoping.

[noitsbecky]

Hello and Thank you all for the advise i apologize it took so long to reply.  I have been a bit under the weather and overworked.  I think i will take the advise so many of you gave and unfollow her, the internet is a great tool but this topic may have never come up if it wasn't for social media and i would not have known her stance on things.  She was a friend to my spouse first and i knew she was conservative it just hurts to know that someone i consider a "friend" feels that its okay in the name of jesus to definitively offend an entire group of individuals.  I am glad i never told her my status and i may have to cut her out completely she posted the other day that she is working with the little brother of my ex who knew me before and at the start of my transition so i don't want it getting out.  I really do appreciate all your help and kind words. 

Thank you
  Lilly