Moving forward to transitioning or not

[myraey]

I have spent countless hours wondering about this. But I have made plenty of progress. Things stall for a long time then things happen quick for me. It never goes away , but my dysphoria is getting stronger over the years. But I consider if I want to transition. I'm still fairly young. But I regret not doing many things with my life. I just hope not transitioning is not one of those things. I have to check it out. I don't have to make a final decision now. But it is difficult if not impossible to try it out. I think I go back to therapy again.

If I had been born female I think I would have had some gender issues as well. Many cis women admit that openly . But I guess I could also be a woman as well as a man. I just wonder what the different hormones and upbringing would have done for me. So often I wish being the other thing. Am I transgender enough to transition or is that for me? There is so much to gain. I have had my issues but I now see this one has also added to that. I obviously do not have to transition either.

At this point what were you doing or wondering? I do my chores of course but I just wonder if there was something I could do. I'l do different things. Perhaps it would be possible to transition slowly and see how it feels.

[RavenMoon]

I've been aware of my sex/gender issues (sex is male/female. Gender is masculine/feminine) since I was about 4. Things were very different back then.

I'll be 60 in a couple of months. It wasn't until I got divorced in 2011 that I seriously considered transitioning. Also at the time I was on the fence due to my age.

Now it's just a matter of financing it. I won't even start with something like HRT unless I know I can get where I want to be quickly.

Funny thing is I have a very close friend (a cis female) who is able to pay for my entire transition. She offered to help. After being ecstatic for a week or two, I fell into uncertainty. It's an awful big thing to take on. And my life will change quite a bit.

But after that self doubt phase I'm full steam ahead now.

So I guess it's normal to have doubts. Even if you've known what you want as long as I have.

What I did in the meantime was grow my hair out, and I started dressing very androgynously. I'm also a musician, so that helps since people at my job and stuff don't seem to question my appearance. Lol. I usually have my nails painted and I shave to remove body hair. People will think I'm a woman until they get too close. Lol. I need FFS so that was a big obstacle.



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[Nina]

"Fear is temporary. Regret is forever."

[Denise]

Myraey,

You didn't mention where you are, but here in Chicago there is a group that meets every Wednesday called Gender Queer Chicago.  This group typically has about 20-25 people in attendance with MOST of the attendees identifying as "they/them".  They don't identify as either male or female.  It sounds like you might be in a similar situation.

Look around your area, to see if there is such a group.  One-on-one therapy is good/great/necessary/... but a support group will allow you to hear first hand from a variety of people in different points of view.

[myraey]

I'm not anywhere near Chicago. It would be interesting though .

Other people have recommended me group therapy. I suspect I would find that helpful. After I get past being around other people and talking about personal stuff that is. But I want to check it out. I need to talk about my issues to some. I think I have progressed so the gender therapy is extra helpful again.

I like being male. But it is possible I would like being female more. I don't know that for certain and transitioning is going to be very difficult. I say that all while I have come to the conclusion people are people regardless of gender. Sounds very smart I know. I don't have anything against non-binary or anything else possible either.