Newbie MTF here - How did you start out in public?

[Marcieelizabeth]

Hi -

A real newbie here!  I walk around and look at women and study their clothes and breasts and bras...I am afraid I will get labeled a dirty old...girl?  Not that last label yet because  I am still very male in presentation.

Which is my question.  I bought a nice used leather purse today, but I will not use it for awhile, I also bought some basic make up but it won't go with my thick eyebrows or beard.  I do wear panties all the time and a bra under my clothes when I can.  But I want slowly and as quietly as possible to start feeling more me in public.

So when you came out with small things in public what were they are when? 

Was it in places far from home? 

only outside work? 

What was the progression and was it a fast progression or slow? 

I am an impatient sort, but I need to be very careful and slow with this.  I am very anxious to move forward, but also very very afraid! 

Please help!  tell me how to do this best as you see it now.

Love and Hugs, Marcie

[Denise]

Everyone is different.
My home is 50 miles from Chicago.  So I joined an very LGBT friendly card club (Euchre is the game).  I would change in the car and would change in the car afterwards.  One mistake was still using my dead name there.  At turns out people thought I was cross dressing.  It wasn't until someone almost tweaked a breast bud that I figured out the unfortunate truth.  I put a stop to that right away.

The other thing I did, and this helped, was to take a week long vacation to Florida (twice, a year apart).  The first time I packed 50:50. The second time 90:10 and that one was the one I wore when I left my parents house.  They knew I was transitioning but they didn't need to see it.

As for timing, everyone is different.  I went full time 4 months into E.  But my body shape is passable. Others I know waited years (almost a decade) but being 55 I didn't have that kind of time. 
The first person I told was 17.5 months before full-time while others are many (!) Years.  It's whatever make you comfortable.

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[Dena]

I didn't feel right doing a little bit so for me it was all or nothing. My part time consisted of going to group therapy as Dena. I left the apartment fully dressed until I had sufficient hair growth to go with my own hair. A date was set to go full time but I lost my job which moved the date up several months. I had my nose fixed and after the cast came off it was full time. Even my follow up visit to the surgeon was as Dena.

[JulieOnHerWay]

While I like Dena's approach, mine is less aggressive. 
I too underdress everyday.  It's a no brainer and sexy too.  Almost everyday I dress androgynous almost all the time.  A lot of items from the established clothes makers are pretty adro.  Think, LL Bean, Columbia, Patagonia. Even Carhartt and Duluth.  I have been getting quite a bit from Tommy Bahama lately.  But with them you have to assume the sizes run small.  I like to think I am a 12.  Not in Tommy. I got a sz 14 shorts recently and it was tight.  Tops are worse.  hint, hint...if you are consistent, you can pick up some steals on eBay.
And Gloria Vanderbilt jeans are the best.  I like here "Amanda" series of jeans.  Comfy, stylish and forgiving.
I also use clear "nail hardener" polish.  My excuse was I am breaking my nails doing yard work.  Only been clocked for polish 2 times   Both liked it.  We had nice convo.  Suggested a mani-pedi. 
Do what you are comfortable with. That purse would be a challenge for me but I do have a shoulder bag I use to carry my tablet in on occasion. And 10 to 20 Dooney Bourke bags to fix up.
Get a little out of your comfort zone.  90% of people wont notice.  90% that do notice  wont say anything.  So you are worrying about the 1%.

[Michelle_P]

Initially after coming out to my wife and adult daughter living with us at the time, I underdressed every day.  I went to therapy sessions as Michelle, and changing back on arriving home, following a protocol my wife had laid down for me.

In my third session the therapist challenged me, asking what I was doing after the session.  "Just going home?  Is that what you really want to do?" "Well, no."

After that session I went into a Starbucks next door and ordered a drink, then made myself sit there and finish it.   The world did not end.  In the next several sessions Michelle started making a regular Starbucks stop, then started buying groceries we needed, and then started leaving home earlier and stopping for breakfast on the way to therapy.  Michelle was spending more and more time existing, and going home and back into hiding became harder and harder.

Last October I was told to leave, and went full time.

[elkie-t]

Hi -

A real newbie here!  I walk around and look at women and study their clothes and breasts and bras...I am afraid I will get labeled a dirty old...girl?  Not that last label yet because  I am still very male in presentation.

Which is my question.  I bought a nice used leather purse today, but I will not use it for awhile, I also bought some basic make up but it won't go with my thick eyebrows or beard.  I do wear panties all the time and a bra under my clothes when I can.  But I want slowly and as quietly as possible to start feeling more me in public.

So when you came out with small things in public what were they are when? 

Was it in places far from home? 

only outside work? 

What was the progression and was it a fast progression or slow? 

I am an impatient sort, but I need to be very careful and slow with this.  I am very anxious to move forward, but also very very afraid! 

Please help!  tell me how to do this best as you see it now.

Love and Hugs, Marcie

I would start with shaving off a beard, and getting brows waxed or threaded (no need to make them too thin, just make them meet and nice).

Then, I am not sure where you got your makeup. If you got it in person for your skin tone - great, but if you got it at Amazon, or at some pharmacy without matching to your skin tone - you might want to buy it again. Sephora (or pretty much any place would be happy to help you find the right match - even if you are dressed as a guy).

As far as going out - you may go far from home. No need to go really far either, just go to your nearest city (or to another part of the city if you already live one.

Here are some of mine ideas (tried them all early enough) :
- Camping trip to a secluded area where I did not expect to meet (and did not meet actually) anyone
- chain restaurant on a way from that trip hours away from home (imagine what were my female looks after a few days of camping)
- gay bar in a big city
- LGBT center
- Renessanse fair (with so many people in costumes around...)
- more hiking trips (but now with expectations there will be plenty of other people on the trail).

Once I got used to be out and no longer excited or scared to be out, I went to 16/7 mode (all time female outside work) for a year. Later on I moved to another part of the city (it ain't a big one , 500k including suburbs) and detransitioned, no one ever said to me - hey I saw you wearing skirts . There were some rumors among our acquaintances (someone saw me somewhere), but they never became a public knowledge (how can you be 100% sure it's me unless you talk to me face to face).

TBH, on my first night out (to that gay bar, miles away from home), I decided that if I am asked about my cross dressing - I would not lie face to face, won't invent things and use funny explanations. If a question is asked, the person already knows the answer and all you can do is to show either your dignity or shame.



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[faithinbrooklyn]

We all started presenting in our ways. We'e all different and have different circumstances. It's not a race to see who can go the fastest and you shouldn't feel bad if your own journey may feel slower than other people's. Plus it's totally normal to be nervous about this. It's a big thing. Everyone starts out nervous.

My own first dalliances with presenting outside involved secretly borrowing skirts from my sister, then briefly going in my back yard. We all have to start somewhere. Later, I would go to gay bars, which tended to be highly accepting, even in the South where I lived then.

I would recommend shaving the beard and the brows, as mentioned by other posters. I wrote a guide to getting started and you can read it here http://www.faithdabrooke.com/2015/09/how-to-get-started.html. There's also some really good info over on the cd ->-bleeped-<- community https://www.->-bleeped-<-.com/r/crossdressing/wiki/dress-up-guide (I know these are for cd's, but it's still applicable to MtF transpeople too.

Getting out there can be really exhilarating, but you will have to push yourself out of your comfort zone a little. Be safe, be smart and have fun!

[KathyLauren]

I don't think you'll be able to do much in public, other than underdressing and perhaps some slightly androgynous clothing, until you shave off the beard.

After coming out to my wife, my initial progression was: shaved off the beard, started underdressing, got my ears pierced.  Then I started wearing androgynous clothing to my therapy and support group sessions.  I bought a wig and got a lesson in makeup from a friend, then I started dressing fully femme for support group and appointments, which were in a city some distance from my home.  Occasionally after the support group meetings, I would head across the street to a pub with a few friends from the group, just to hang out for a while.

One day this winter, I had an therapist appointment in the city.  Because of a bad weather forecast, I drove in the day before and stayed overnight.  I was able to do hang out with some of my support group friends, and spend half a day window shopping, dressed as myself.  I enjoyed it so much that I went full-time three weeks later.

[Julia1996]

Transition for me was pretty easy. Before transition a lot of people had no idea what sex I was. I was very androgynous and I am small so a lot of people just didn't know. When I was 15 this girl at school told me that the white eyebrows and eyelashes drew more attention to my strange eye color and suggested I use eyebrow pencil and mascara to darken my brows and lashes. After I started doing that all the time I started being gendered as female a lot of the time. I started HRT when I was 17 and pretty much waited for the effects to start showing. I also had lip enhancement which made my mouth very feminine. Even though I had been very fem and androgynous and was used to being stared at because of my skin and eye color, I got stressed about going out in public fully female. I just felt like everyone would be able to tell I was trans. Early into my transition my dad told me I needed to get over it. He took me to crowded places. The mall, parks, etc and we would just walk around. I got over the fear of going out in public pretty quickly. If I had had to go by myself it would have taken me longer to get over it.

[CarlyMcx]

If I had any facial hair back in the day it would have been the first to go.  But already being clean shaven, I started with wearing women's skinny jeans, then added flats and sneakers, then shifted over to feminine T shirts and tops.

[MissKairi]

It's scary as heck.
I've been wanting to for so long but until I feel I look convincing enough to do so, I can't. I just can't.
If I've done my best and someone screamed at me "you f-ing ->-bleeped-<-got" (I'm not gay but there's a lot of plonkers out there) would cut me down really and it's take ages to build the courage up again.

Why can't I go out in a dress and makeup? Who says? Society it seems

[HappyMoni]

You want to take a step my friend, shave that beard. If you move forward,  you are going to need to make some mental adjustments. Get rid of the security blanket, it will give you a taste of the mental attitude it will take to move forward. Let go of the fear. If you can't do that, kick it in the teeth.
Moni

[elkie-t]

 Believe me, once you put your fears behind and go out in public, you'll meet more supporting people than jerks. And once you experience it, you'd wonder why didn't I start going out earlier.

I recall hanging out in a Chicago private club (bunch of organizers rent a room and charge guys an entry fee and letting ladies free - with no obligations obviously). And next room was rented to some polish wedding... so I stepped outside for a smoke, and there were a bunch of (slightly?) drunk polish traditional guys smoking too... and one of them said, look we came here to enjoy freedom, you should enjoy the same. No harassment and total respect. I'll never forget that night really


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[Artesia]

My first time out as me was about 2 weeks ago now.  Roughly 9 months into transition.  I was in another state, several hundreds of miles away from home.  I felt amazing doing it, and didn't really have any fear of doing it.  Near home, however, is a different story.  I were women's undergarments, and only fully dress inside my home.  The locals are a bit conservative.

[KathyLauren]

you'll meet more supporting people than jerks.

Yes, this.  I live in a little fishing village, population about 300.  Really conservative folks, mostly fishermen and farmers.  I have had not one single negative comment.  The majority are supportive; the rest are polite.

You can do it.

[Marcieelizabeth]

You want to take a step my friend, shave that beard. If you move forward,  you are going to need to make some mental adjustments. Get rid of the security blanket, it will give you a taste of the mental attitude it will take to move forward. Let go of the fear. If you can't do that, kick it in the teeth.
Moni

Thanks - step one down...I trimmed it real close, and I trimmed my fluffy eyebrows...As you know I need to be cautious - Hoping you are doing amazingly

Love and Hugs, Marcie

[elkie-t]

Thanks - step one down...I trimmed it real close, and I trimmed my fluffy eyebrows...As you know I need to be cautious - Hoping you are doing amazingly

Love and Hugs, Marcie

Never understood that desire to hold to your facial hair... being clean-shaven is totally acceptable (and at times expected/required) for men since 17th century (if not before).

I'd follow that with electrolysis if I were you , that would be a good next step


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[Marcieelizabeth]

Never understood that desire to hold to your facial hair... being clean-shaven is totally acceptable (and at times expected/required) for men since 17th century (if not before).

I'd follow that with electrolysis if I were you , that would be a good next step


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Thanks it is what I want and where I hope to be heading but this is VERY new after many years with a beard - 36 to be exact and it would raise some eyebrows - lol - until I have gotten to being more open with being Marcie - Thanks!

Love and HUgs, Marcie

[elkie-t]

Thanks it is what I want and where I hope to be heading but this is VERY new after many years with a beard - 36 to be exact and it would raise some eyebrows - lol - until I have gotten to being more open with being Marcie - Thanks!

Love and HUgs, Marcie

I don't really think anyone would think twice about you shaving off your beard. If you are ever questioned about it (I doubt it), just plain - wanted to change image, or skin irritation, or got tired of keeping it neat will satisfy all curiosity.

You need to toughen your skin and learn to be less sensitive to raised eyebrows of people who don't care about you.


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