Oops. I'm confused again

[DawnOday]

I know many of you are hard core and will never refer to yourself in your past lives. Unfortunately I have been Dad for 26 of my daughters 27 years of existence, She is accepting of my situation, in fact we are going for manipedis next week. But at the end of next week she will deliver her first daughter and my grand daughter. My confusion. Am I Grandpa or Grandma? My dreams and prayers were always to be a woman but God in his humorous wisdom waited until I was 64 years old. At my age I'll just be happy that she calls me. As to the label, Not so sure it makes a difference just happy that after revealing myself a year ago  that I don't have to deal with secrets any more. If I had transitioned years ago maybe I would be more offended. But even though the progress I have made indicates everything is progressing well after ten months. I am still a long way from my goals. Maybe when I finish my hair removal it will seem more real. I wish I were able to have the surgeries but that is not possible so I will always feel I am only half done.

Dawn

[Dani]

Dawn,

I am in the same situation. I am 67 years old and 2 children and 4 grandchildren.

We will always be Dad because we have fathered children, either biologically or by adoption. What my children and grandchildren call me may be something else. This has not been determined at this time.

If we do come to a mutual agreement, I might be called Mom or Aunt or Granny or even just by my first name.

We cannot change the past, but the future is up to us.

[Dayta]

Dawn,

Congratulations on your grandchild!  We never referred to my maternal grandparents as either "Grandpa," or "Grandma," and many, many of my friends had unique names for their grandparents, like "Papap" or "Baba," and the list goes on virtually indefinitely.  You can be whatever you want, and it sounds like you're still close to your daughter, so she's obviously aware of and sensitive to your situation.  I imagine that you two will come up with something that works for you both.

Erin

[LizK]

I have two grown daughters and will always be Dad. It is a simple biological fact and one of which I am proud. If I couldn't bare the kids I was glad that at least part of me went to making up their DNA. As far as grandkids go I think it will be up to the grandkids what they call you... I had a "Nanny" "Grandma" "Grindy" and Garg" were how my grandparents were referred to and I am sure there are similar stories everywhere of what kids call the grandparents. Let it take its own shape and they will come up with an affectionate name.

[warlockmaker]

Im now 69, I have 4 children from 5 years old to 33 years old. I have a granddaughter also. I will always be Dad to my children. We discussed this when I told them I would transition.  I identify as the 3 rd gender and proud of it. Im also not fazed by how people address me....I still own every room I walk into. Congratulations on having a grandchild. At our age we can get away with anything, we have earned it.

[Gertrude]

Maybe mine will call me tranma


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[Devlyn]

I just shot unicorns out of my nose! 

[DawnOday]

Im now 69, I have 4 children from 5 years old to 33 years old. I have a granddaughter also. I will always be Dad to my children. We discussed this when I told them I would transition.  I identify as the 3 rd gender and proud of it. Im also not fazed by how people address me....I still own every room I walk into. Congratulations on having a grandchild. At our age we can get away with anything, we have earned it.

Thank you for your warm thoughts. It is much appreciated. It amazes me that with all the turmoil in our lives this is one of the few places we can find compassion and kinship

[DawnOday]

I have two grown daughters and will always be Dad. It is a simple biological fact and one of which I am proud. If I couldn't bare the kids I was glad that at least part of me went to making up their DNA. As far as grandkids go I think it will be up to the grandkids what they call you... I had a "Nanny" "Grandma" "Grindy" and Garg" were how my grandparents were referred to and I am sure there are similar stories everywhere of what kids call the grandparents. Let it take its own shape and they will come up with an affectionate name.

I'm not worried. Just wondering. Whatever she calls me she is going to be spoiled.

[DawnOday]

Dawn,

Congratulations on your grandchild!  We never referred to my maternal grandparents as either "Grandpa," or "Grandma," and many, many of my friends had unique names for their grandparents, like "Papap" or "Baba," and the list goes on virtually indefinitely.  You can be whatever you want, and it sounds like you're still close to your daughter, so she's obviously aware of and sensitive to your situation.  I imagine that you two will come up with something that works for you both.

Erin

Erin. I think Delvyn's shooting unicorns is contagious. I had to laugh because my greeting from both of my kids every day is "What's up Dudeman" It has been so for the last 18 years. Hey they are giving me their love and support so I suppose I have to leave them something. I am so blessed to have them.

[LizK]

I'm not worried. Just wondering. Whatever she calls me she is going to be spoiled.

Lucky you is all I can say  It going to lots of fun....

[RavenMoon]

I have two kids, ages 12 (girl) and 25 (boy). I suspect my son realizes I'm trans (I haven't told them yet, and my appearance is very androgynous).

I imagine that when I'm finally living full time my daughter will call me "daddy." Because that's what I am. My son hasn't referred to me that way in a long time. His sister teases him over it. He just talks to me, he doesn't address me. Not sure why, guess he just grew out of it. Lol.


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[echo7]

You're not exactly a father/dad anymore, so that doesn't seem right.  And you weren't living as a woman when you raised them, so I don't think it's fair to their mother for you to also be called mom.

In the Amazon TV show "Transparent", the kids call their transitioned MtF parent "moppa".  I think that works well.  Or if you're a grandparent, maybe... grandmop?

[eyesk8rboi]

I am not a parent or grandparent, but just from the "kids" standpoint, being that I'm 24....I actually really like seeing that so many of your are okay with still being "dad", regardless of gender identity. I am always concerned I'm going to get hate from LGBTQ+ community because I've already decided that even once I've started HRT, even once I've changed my name, ETC, that I will always be my parent's daughter and grandparent's granddaughter...just with more facial hair and less boobs....
It makes me feel a lot more comfortable about viewing it that way, seeing it from the other end! So thank you!

[KathyLauren]

I am still "dad" to the dog.  "Dad" with female pronouns.  As in, "Dad is putting on her hiking pants, and you know what that means, don't you?"

[KathyLauren]

... so here's an interesting little observation ... we know that dogs perceive the world predominantly via their incredible olfactory senses, and secondly via amazing auditory sensitivity at high frequencies we don't even know we are making sounds, with the eyes coming in a distant third place far below smell and hearing.  So considering that hormones change very much the way we smell, and we may even alter the formant resonances of our voice ... to what extent do our dogs become confused?

Our hound, a greyhound, is quite undemonstrative and very intelligent.  If she noticed a change in my odour, she was way too cool and way to polite to say anything.  And she is smart enough to figure out that Dad is still Dad.  Even if Dad smells like a girl now, she still gets her kibble and walks, so all is right with the world.

[DawnOday]

I am not a parent or grandparent, but just from the "kids" standpoint, being that I'm 24....I actually really like seeing that so many of your are okay with still being "dad", regardless of gender identity. I am always concerned I'm going to get hate from LGBTQ+ community because I've already decided that even once I've started HRT, even once I've changed my name, ETC, that I will always be my parent's daughter and grandparent's granddaughter...just with more facial hair and less boobs....
It makes me feel a lot more comfortable about viewing it that way, seeing it from the other end! So thank you!

Many of us on the older side of things were poisoned in utero by massive doses of synthetic hormones. It really left us with no choice. Either continue to swing from the rafters or address our gender confusion. I decided to address it. I was thirty five when my son was born. I did not expect kids.  I mostly laid low as my kids grew. I still crossdressed but nobody could tell and for all intents and purposes I was a guy. Except I knew I wasn't and something had gone terribly wrong. Now I am happy to have gotten that heavy load lifted. I will always be their Father and I am proud to be so. I hope someday the necessary research will be done and hormones will be taken out of food as I believe that is part of the cause.

[Jessica]

Many of us on the older side of things were poisoned in utero by massive doses of synthetic hormones. It really left us with no choice. Either continue to swing from the rafters or address our gender confusion. I decided to address it. I was thirty five when my son was born. I did not expect kids.  I mostly laid low as my kids grew. I still crossdressed but nobody could tell and for all intents and purposes I was a guy. Except I knew I wasn't and something had gone terribly wrong. Now I am happy to have gotten that heavy load lifted. I will always be their Father and I am proud to be so. I hope someday the necessary research will be done and hormones will be taken out of food as I believe that is part of the cause.

My mother took DES to stop miscarriage.  There is a thought that DES caused gender issues in from 25% to 30% of sons


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[Dena]

My mother took DES to stop miscarriage.  There is a thought that DES caused gender issues in from 25% to 30% of sons


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If you think you are a DES son, you should visit this thread.

[Anne Blake]

We have two boys, stepsons to me, ages 37 and 41. They came into my life at 4 and 8 and i have been either dad or my dead name to them. My youngest has a daughter age 9 that has take  to me quite well. I had been pappy to her but she has chosen to use grandma Tia. My oldest son had been estranged and just met me last week. His response was, "I used to have a stepdad, looks like I have a step mom now". I have yet to learn what his three sons will call me. Personally it would bother me to still be called dad, I would never bring it up but it would sting a bit whenever I might hear it, ymmv.