Argh, I just dead-named myself

[KathyLauren]

I guess I should be happy that it's only the second time.     It must be some kind of reflex: the person says, Hi, I'm whoever, and my automatic response is Hi, I'm <dead name>, even though my intention was to use my proper name.  It's so humiliating.

My wife and people around me are so good about using my proper name and pronouns that it really bugs me when I slip up myself.  I suppose I actually say my name less than other people do, so maybe it's understandable.  But, aargh! 

[Laurie]

Hi Kathy,

  Okay girl, back to your therapist with you!! You need to explore this subconscious effort to revert back into your comfort / familiar zone. You need to quash this now! Stop it! Do you hear me? I said stop it now!!

There that should take care of it for you. You're welcome.

Hugs,
   Laurie

[Kelly1ca]

I guess I'm a lucky one. My dead name is Kelvin but my mom wasn't overly happy with it so I was always called Kelly. I have always introduced myself as Kelly and only ever used Kelvin for official documents.

[KathyLauren]

Hi Kathy,

  Okay girl, back to your therapist with you!! You need to explore this subconscious effort to revert back into your comfort / familiar zone. You need to quash this now! Stop it! Do you hear me? I said stop it now!!

There that should take care of it for you. You're welcome.

Hugs,
   Laurie

Yes, 100 lashes with a wet noodle for me.  Thanks, hun! 

[MeghanAndrews]

Don't worry about it, it will melt away over time, it just takes a few years then it will be a distant memory Good luck on your journey!

[Lady Lisandra]

It took a while before I got used to my new name. It's hard to avoid turning back when you hear THAT name, to which you have answered for so many years... It's just a matter of practice I think.

[LizK]

Oh Cathy

I am with you on this

I went to have bloods taken 4 weeks ago and when the woman asked me to spell my name I spelt out my old name. As it is just a short name , it was out before I knew. It was far from the ideal    Her pen hovered above the name written on the blood form and waited for me to correct myself. She was very pleasant, never even flinched.

I stepped outside shaking my head thinking ....Klutz ha well, I am a work in progress!

Head up and onward we go 

[Devlyn]

Last week in the waiting room at Fenway Health I was filling out some paperwork and someone called out "Michael?"...instinctively I turned and started getting up. Then I remembered my name and sat back down. I smiled at the doctor and said "You almost got me on that one." He chuckled.

That was my name for 54 years, not reacting to it is an exercise in discipline.

Hugs, Devlyn

[Colleen_definitely]

Lol, I girl voiced my boss the other day answering the phone. 

Somehow I think lots of things are going to start making sense to him when I finally come out at work.

[Rambler]

I've finally hit the point where I don't like hearing my old name at all in conversation. I'm not even out publicly for another few months, but whenever I meet someone new now there is this hesitation over how I should introduce myself.

Just the other day I referenced my old name while telling my therapist about a story from work but my therapist has been seeing me as Libbey since like January, both of us just sort of stopped and cringed at the sound of my old name. Nothing about it is right anymore. It's a weird thing to get used to but I definitely catch & correct myself mentally at least once a day.

[ainsley]

Being around someone else with your dead name, or someone that refers to someone with your dead name, and hearing it a lot helps you learn to ignore it.  It worked for me.  I hardly bat an eye when I hear mine now.  My coworker has a grandchild with my dead name, for instance.  Listening to her talk about them has made it easier to ignore.

[KageNiko]

Looks like you're going to have to start practicing hon!  When I drive home from work (40 minute commute) I practice my fem voice and I always say, "Hello, I'm Ashley" as part of it.  It's helped a lot!

~Love, Ashley

[KathyLauren]

I guess I'm improving.  I was paged to the fire department for an emergency.  The radio operator beat me there and was upstairs in the radio room when I opened the big vehicle door.  He called from the stairs, "Who's there?"  I almost responded with my dead name, but caught myself in time and remembered who I am.  I never realized before how habitual the response is!

[LizK]

More bloods a couple of days ago and I was ready this time...I kept going over it in my head E-L-I-Z....

she never asked me to spell it this time....