Pretty nice, informative and spot-on link @Sno!
Quote from: AlyssaJIf I do come out publicly, its earlier than I planned and will have ripple effects on my family and my job.
This HAS TO BE your main interest when making a decision about "coming out". So, as others said, it is utterly important that you act following your own criteria and your bests interests. Also, if you decide to come out, make it look like it has nothing to do with your FIL disclosing (again, as others have said, it is important to "not react" nor make this guys feel like they have any sort of control over you).
Now, from my own point of view and experience dealing with this kind of narcissists.
1- As the link posted by Sno mentions, they have fragile egos, they are weak. Even if he first made a dirty (and potentially dangerous) trick to you, you're the brave and strong one here. He's the weak one. Don't let fear nor anxiety delude yourself, you have the winning hand.
2- This kind of guys usually weigh you quite well before taking any step, and even if they are fueled by rage, they don't act without thinking in advance. They're not fools even if they look like one. Expect he knows rather good how you think and behave. Keep in mind he would have considered your most possible reactions to his aggression and he's got a "plan" to counter-act them. If you do something, do something unexpected in some way.
3- They like to bait, a lot. It may be a resource to deceive them into believing you had fell in their game (and they had the control) while you secretly take further steps to strike back. The more he believes he successfully baited you, the more predictable his actions would become.
4- Never show emotions as a reaction to their attacks. They expect something: if you get mad they would be ready to escalate, if you get anxious and worried they would be ready to take advance of it. Calm, stoic attitudes not only may confuse them, but also show in a subtle way how strong you're (being immune in all ways to their strikes) and how frustrating could be trying to get things done their way with you.
5- Don't engage in any form of aggression against him (not even in subtle ones), specially in front of others (given he's likely playing the manipulative card). Pretty much the oppposite: be all polite and kind (while not letting him to control you), explaining and talking. Make him look like he's the cause of distress (and not your transition).
