Hopefully starting HRT next week and nervous.

[ProbablyOliver]

Hey y'all!

So, the fantastic news is that I have my first appointment with an endocrinologist next week and while I'm really, really excited I'm also super nervous. I was just wondering if anyone else had one of those "questioning myself" moments before starting HRT? Like, I know that I'm trans and I know that I want this but at times I can't stop grilling myself about it, either. It's calmed down a bit since the first anxious rush of "ONE WEEK AWAY" has passed but I was curious as to other folks experiences.

Thanks!

- Oliver

[Denise]

Yes we all had doubts.  I suspect you will have doubts after you start too.  Lots of us had rocky starts and stopped shortly after starting.  In two months I was sure and after 6 months I realized how normal I now feel. 

I never realized what "normal" felt like.  Now I do and I like it.

Sent from my LG-H910 using Tapatalk

[seth.james]

Hey y'all!

So, the fantastic news is that I have my first appointment with an endocrinologist next week and while I'm really, really excited I'm also super nervous. I was just wondering if anyone else had one of those "questioning myself" moments before starting HRT? Like, I know that I'm trans and I know that I want this but at times I can't stop grilling myself about it, either. It's calmed down a bit since the first anxious rush of "ONE WEEK AWAY" has passed but I was curious as to other folks experiences.

Thanks!

- Oliver

I'm about a week away from my informed consent appointment for testosterone and am going through the same thing. I honestly have a bad habit of not trusting myself, period, so I know that's where part of it is coming from. I keep having these little flashes of doubt and breakdown a bit, then consider the alternatives: remain as I am and correct pronouns forever, ride the estrogen rollercoaster, and never be comfortable with my body; or return to living as a woman, still continue to ride that estrogen rollercoaster, and be really uncomfortable with myself in general. That second one makes me want to cry and throw up at the same time... Know what else is odd? As I type that I realize I've never been able to relate to that term--"woman"--at all; I always used "female," purely technical, or "girl" if pressed,  neither of which really felt right either. "Boy" doesn't bother me, feels better; "man" feels best.

And as I type this I realize the thing I'm worried about isn't whether hormones are right for me or not; it's whether I'm trans at all or not. Which isn't even a question in my mind anymore. I'm definitely trans, just looking at that paragraph up there. When I stop that fear, I feel calm and balanced. I know I'm doing the right thing.

Anyway, Oliver, you're definitely not alone. Honestly, hormones create big changes and going on them is a big decision, so it'd be a little worrisome if there weren't at least a few doubts, right?

And Denise, I keep hearing how others get to this point where they finally feel "normal" on hormones... I definitely don't feel normal with my natural hormones. I can't wait until I finally get to experience that myself.

[eyesk8rboi]

Hey y'all!

So, the fantastic news is that I have my first appointment with an endocrinologist next week and while I'm really, really excited I'm also super nervous. I was just wondering if anyone else had one of those "questioning myself" moments before starting HRT? Like, I know that I'm trans and I know that I want this but at times I can't stop grilling myself about it, either. It's calmed down a bit since the first anxious rush of "ONE WEEK AWAY" has passed but I was curious as to other folks experiences.

Thanks!

- Oliver

Hi Oliver!

I am exactly in the same place and I feel for you hard core! My meeting with the doctor is next Sunday, so literally a week a way, as well! I've been grilling myself as well, because it's such a huge change, but the more I grill myself the more certain I am and the more excited I get!

I hope some super awesome peace hits you and everything goes well!!!! Fingers crossed, man!

[TransAm]

The doubts are definitely normal. It would be a lot more odd if you weren't experiencing any apprehension or anxiousness at all.
My hang up was that I really wasn't interested in going through puberty for the second go-around even though I knew the changes would at least be in the right direction. That and the general 'unknown' of beginning HRT, of course.

You'll likely soon find that all your fears and worries were unfounded as you settle in.

[Kylo]

When I got the gel I did put off taking it for two days. I'm not entirely sure why, because at this point it's been the best 'medication' I've ever had.

I think it was me taking a moment to be aware of the gravity of my decision. As in there is no going back if you start this, at least to my mind there is not, in terms of certain physical changes, which started almost immediately for me. I had no real doubt and no real intention of NOT taking it; I just needed to make sure and clarify to myself that I was choosing this and in full knowledge of the consequences.

It felt like a couple of days standing between the end of one life and the beginning of another, and just checking out the view, saying goodbye, whatever. Then I said to myself I'm ready.

First day I had such a great night's sleep. Been able to sleep well ever since. I am so much more content than I was. I'm starting to forget how harassed and anxious I felt before HRT just by way of the wrong hormones milling around in my brain.

[Dan]

To doubt is to be sentient

I had doubts before going on T, while discussing T with my doctor ( she mentioned going on an injection that lasts 12 weeks v 6 weeks; I feared the 12 week dose but felt more comfortable with the 6 week dose. I had doubts. For sure. ), and now I'm worrying about whether I will go bald.

The doubt wasn't about whether I was trans. I have zero doubts about that. I was fearful of what to expect on T. Would my hair fall out? ( biggest fear). I was all good with the rest. I'm a simple man  

I'm still worried about my hair falling out and becoming bald as a cue ball. But I am totally comfortable about being on T, and I can't wait for the next 5 weeks to pass to get the second dose.

It's all perfectly normal to have doubts. We all have them to various degrees.

Enjoy the journey, Oliver.

[November Fox]

It´s normal.

Going on T (or HRT for that matter) is a life changing decision. It would be bizarre not to second-guess yourself.
Big chance you´re going to love it. Enjoy it!

[SailorMars1994]

Doubts are normal, i had plenty. But for me, HRT has been a game changer and I love love love it!! I recall the very day i took it two years ago, i was not hesitant but very like ''omg'' i just looked at my hrt capsel bottle and couldnt beleive it was finally here, after the initial excitment i took it and it has been great

[Charlie Nicki]

I'm so glad to read all these responses! All of us definitely go through the same.

Let me tell you my story: I started spiro on June 5th and was supposed to start estradiol 4 weeks later. Well the first week of July I had a huge internal conflict about everything...It was triggered by alcohol by the way (combined with coming out of the closet to pretty much everyone around me), so I would advice you not to drink heavily if your mind is still conflicted. I basically had a physical hungover and a mental one...I had the estradiol pills on my bag since June 29th but couldn't bring myself to start until yesterday, July 9th. I'm at peace and calm, also happy I waited a bit until my emotions were more in control.

[Hughie]

Congrats on the appointment and I totally hear you about the nerves. I'm awash in nerves right now after coming back from three weeks of travel, part of which involved seeing relatives. It was high stress thing for me that I'm still sorting out. It's left me in a very anxious state, doubting myself, and I'm not an anxious person by nature.

After all the work to get my HRT, I was surprised when I got it sooner than I expected (end of April rather than the end of summer). I wasn't mentally ready to start--and financially too, since I've just changed jobs and cities, and needed the dust to settle on that first. Plus, I knew I had a grueling international trip ahead and I didn't want to be at the mercy of new hormones in high heat and stress, so I put it aside for now. Work benefits kick in next month, which will help a lot with the costs of the gel I've been prescribed, so there's that too.

I suppose the only lesson in this is that you're in control and you can start or stop any time you feel comfortable. You set the pace.

[stephaniec]

good luck

[Laurie K]

Doubts are normal.... I questioned transition until I came out at work, so be ready for a roller coaster ride.  A lot of my doubts were around " am I really trans ?". I believe   If you find you are not trans you won't like the way hormones make you feel.  You can change your mind if you find it's not for you, as short term low dose won't give you irreversible results.  Best of luck to you.

[eyesk8rboi]

I had my HRT appointment today, did my fasting blood work and was told that in a week at the latest my scprit for T would be at the pharmacy. The nerves are real. No second guessing, but this will be my last week PRE-T and as a sentimental person it's soooo bitter sweet! Any change is scary, even if it's welcome. My nerves are going to be crazy until I get my blood work results.