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How much do you care what others think of your transition

Started by stephaniec, June 28, 2017, 09:22:42 PM

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How much do you care what others think

I could care less
5 (31.3%)
too much
8 (50%)
other
3 (18.8%)

Total Members Voted: 16

stephaniec

How much do you really care what others think , whether close friends or strangers.
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VeronicaLynn

While I wish I could say I didn't care, I kind of do at least at the moment.

It bothers me that I don't really have any real life support network. It bothers me that my family is not accepting, though I haven't really came to them as an adult, though they weren't very accepting when I was a kid, and their reaction to all of the anti-LGBT news lately has been mixed at best.

Really, viewing myself as trans has really changed how I see my friends, family, and strangers. It seems most people are my enemies, and even those that aren't don't really understand.
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Gertrude

Interesting question as is do they understand. As homework, my therapist asked me to write a coming out letter, which I did. It was easier than I thought. He asked me to decide when I'll execute it, which I've tentatively decided on next February on my birthday. It's a first draft, so I'll refine it, but he says that it's good as is short of RE paragraphing. We'll see. As far as your immediate question, I don't care so much about what family thinks so much as I live on the other side of the country, but I'm more concerned about my immediate family and work. While trans people are protected where I work, I work in IT and the only female in a group of 17 full timers and 10 student workers is our boss. I kind of feel like if I do this, I'd like to do it starting afresh where they don't know my to be dead self well. There's less adjustment in a way. I guess I haven't gotten to the point where I don't care what they think.


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Gertrude

Quote from: VeronicaLynn on June 28, 2017, 09:36:19 PM
While I wish I could say I didn't care, I kind of do at least at the moment.

It bothers me that I don't really have any real life support network. It bothers me that my family is not accepting, though I haven't really came to them as an adult, though they weren't very accepting when I was a kid, and their reaction to all of the anti-LGBT news lately has been mixed at best.

Really, viewing myself as trans has really changed how I see my friends, family, and strangers. It seems most people are my enemies, and even those that aren't don't really understand.

Unless someone is trans or has studied it a lot, I don't expect understanding. People are comfortable with their biases because it gives them certainty in a world where there is none. To admit that they live in an uncertain world where they'd have to question their assumptions is scary to them. Most people aren't open to that kind of change.


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natalie.ashlyne

I dont really care what people say or think I am just scared not to have my feeling hurt or to lose friends or family that dont bother me I just want to see me when I decide to go full time I think I have a date picked out when I am ready to start that is if my boobs dont pick a sooner date
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JB_Girl

Hi Stephanie,
Of course I care what people think about me. Both with transition and life in general.  I care, but I do not obsess.  How people view me in their hearts is none of my business.  How the treat me and how I respond most certainly is.  There are those who think I am a fake and a freak.  My wife was one of those and I tried to understand that.  But to remain as I was would be to die.  To transition was to seek light and life.  She went her way and I mine.  It was sad, and expensive, and destructive, but necessary for us both to live authentically. 

There are people who find me strange/odd/queer.  That is okay with me as long as they treat me with respect, I will return the favor many fold.  I am who I am and I am proud of and love myself.  I really try to be loving and of service and by and large am.  There are many more people who I call friend and who love me for who I am.  That is what I strive to nurture and that is what I strive to embrace as I walk this journey.

When however I find injustice in the treatment of others.  Of the vulnerable, of the powerless, of those who do not have the resources to resist, then I can be fierce, then I will take a stand.  What you think is your business.  How you treat others just might be mine.

Peace,
Julie
I began this journey when I began to think, but it took what it took for me to truly understand the what and the why of authenticity.  I'm grateful to have found a path that works and to live as I have always dreamed.

The dates are unimportant and are quite stale now.  The journey to truth is fresh and never ends.
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Balerie

I tell my therapist all the time that with every passing day I care less what people think. That's true but I do care more about the opinions of my coworkers than those of total strangers. My company is LGBT friendly so that part does not worry me as much as my coworkers some of which I know for over 25 years. I've witnessed their attitudes towards the community and some of them will likely not be very welcoming.


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Wild Flower

Honestly, I am giving less care to this everyday. And not only this, but everything really. Life is finite, and you got to do what you go to do.

"Anyone who believes what a cat tells him deserves all he gets."
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KathyLauren

I stopped caring what people think after a therapy session back in March.  In the session, I had wanted to address my fears about how people would react when I came out.  She was willing to do the work, which would have involved quite a few sessions over several months.

But I had already picked a date to come out.  I knew whom I was going to tell, in what order.  When I thought about delaying that to work on my fears in therapy, my thought was: @#$% that!!  This is going to happen, on the planned date, no matter what.  My fears evaporated at that point.

Sooner or later, some redneck is going to take exception to my existence, and it won't be pretty.  But I don't go looking around, wondering who is going to do it.  I am out, I am proud, and I apologize to no one for my existence.
2015-07-04 Awakening; 2015-11-15 Out to self; 2016-06-22 Out to wife; 2016-10-27 First time presenting in public; 2017-01-20 Started HRT!!; 2017-04-20 Out publicly; 2017-07-10 Legal name change; 2019-02-15 Approval for GRS; 2019-08-02 Official gender change; 2020-03-11 GRS; 2020-09-17 New birth certificate
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Barb99

Had to say other. I've moved on to just living life, so it really doesn't come up anymore.
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Julia1996

Yes and no. The only people I really cared about accepting my transition was my family. Most of all my dad and brother. I cared less about my mom accepting it and I was totally sure my grandparents wouldn't accept it. My mom accepts it more or less. Both sets of grandparents totally accept it. I care about what my friends think but the ones who didn't accept it I managed without just fine.
Julia


Born 1998
Started hrt 2015
SRS done 5/21/2018
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Michelle G

Quote from: Charley on June 29, 2017, 08:17:20 AM
Had to say other. I've moved on to just living life, so it really doesn't come up anymore.

This!

Just a "California Girl" trying to enjoy each sunny day
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AnneK

QuoteJust a "California Girl" trying to enjoy each sunny day

   :)
I'm a 65 year old male who has been thinking about SRS for many years.  I also was a  full cross dresser for a few years.  I wear a bra, pantyhose and nail polish daily because it just feels right.

Started HRT April 17, 2019.
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Lexiphias

For the most part I really don't care what people think of me. If someone doesn't like me for who I am then I cut ties with them and never associate with them again, even if it's family

But at the same time I don't live in a very trans-friendly environment, so I'm always afraid that one day someone might REALLY hate who I am and do something terrible to me
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FinallyMichelle

Of course we care. In the end though it comes down to us.

Who am I? Why is this so rough? Because we do care. I so much wish that I could be like some and not care at all but I do. I went to my local Pride last weekend and it was amazing! I loved it. 😊 The longer that I was there though, the more I realized that it wasn't enough. It felt good to not care for a bit if anyone could tell, but it's not about that is it? It's about being myself and being accepted.

Whatever it is inside me that started this needs, not wants, NEEDS to be seen as female. Not accepted, but taken for granted that I am. I have always known who and what I am and was pushed, pushed, pushed into a male role.

It doesn't fit. Not just a little but not at all.

I haven't been misgendered in so long that I don't even remember the last time it happened. Over one, possibly two years. I still feel the anxiety every time that I go anywhere.
The more I experience the more that I understand that somehow we have to just accept.

I just wish the world could see us as just us and not a preconceived notion and not as less than. Maybe then it would be easier to see myself as just me and not a placemat on the spectrum.
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Sarah leah

I only truly care that my 10 year old daughter and 12 year old son are not bullied, as well as that my family support me. The hardest part is having my employer get rid of me when I said I was going to transition. That hurt a lot as now I fear that no one will hire me in the future :( .


A straight line may be the shortest distance between two points, but it is by no means the most interesting
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Shy

What I want is to be active and productive in my community, I think I have a lot to give if given the chance. So initially I care enough not to care until I get to where I need to be. I don't want to hurt or upset anyone but bigotry and prejudice are a fact of life. I know I will offend some people by just existing, there's nothing I can do about that except be the better person and hold true to my values.

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie
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