coming out to my adult children, HELP

[bobbisue]

I need help on how to come out to my adult children I have come out to my oldest 2 daughters this was easier as the both have LGBT children and I i felt confident they would be accepting but I dont have this confidence with my 4 younger children I dont know if I should come out to them all together or separately I cant keep things secret too much longer as I have started hormones I am terribly distraught about this and it has me in tears every day any help would be appreciated

bobbisue
  I dont want to lose any of them but I can go on living a lie

[LizK]

I just sat mine down and explained I had seen a therapist and that I have GD. I explained what that meant and we talked briefly about what may happen. This whole conversation went on for quite some time and over a period of a few months as they would come to me and ask various stuff.

Some of which was hard to tell them but I never lied...kept it honest and real and we now have a really good relationship.

Good Luck

[Tommi]

If it were my family, I'd tell them all together. Perhaps have one of your children who know there as an ally. It's big news, i knew if i told mu sister or mom first the other would be hurt... And they *would* talk.

--
"You do realize, this means you get to do character creation & the newbie zone all over again? "

[bobbisue]

   Thank you Elizabeth and Tommi your ideas are a great help I think I will get them together and give them the basics at first I may have to do a video or get my oldest to do most of the talking as I won't be able to hold it together long enough to say what I must It is not much yet but it is the start of a plan

   bobbisue

[MeTony]

I came out to my oldest son when he told me he was genderfluid. He thought I was going to reject him because of that. He was 15 at that time.

But that is a different situation.

I will tell my youngest this...

"Have you seen that mom looks like a dad? It's because I am a dad. "

Simple. He is 12. He already "dads" me by misstake. He THINKS it's a misstake. But it is not.

[LizK]

   Thank you Elizabeth and Tommi your ideas are a great help I think I will get them together and give them the basics at first I may have to do a video or get my oldest to do most of the talking as I won't be able to hold it together long enough to say what I must It is not much yet but it is the start of a plan

   bobbisue

How Old are they?

[bobbisue]

       Elisabeth my youngest girl is 22  the boys are 23,25 and 31 my older girls are from a different marriage and are 35 and 37

    bobbisue

[LizK]

Ok about the same age as mine...they didn't really know what being Trans was or GD and gave me their immediate support. Then they took off home and spent the next 2 months on google and then asking me questions. We shed some tears but as my transition has progressed they have seen that "I" am still here. The refer to me with she and her pronouns and but still call me Dad cause I said it was Ok...they compliment me, buy me stuff...they are still growing into it as am I but together as a family we are good. Hope that helps some

[AlyssaJ]

I'll admit, I could be totally wrong about this, but I would think it's best with older children to be less clinical and more personal.  What I mean is, instead of focusing on terms like Gender Dysphoria, Transition, Transgender, etc. I would think it would be better to focus on what your life experience has been like all these years. For adult kids I think discovering that their parent has been secretly suffering all of their lives and hiding it to shield them from it builds some instant empathy.  Once you've got it out there that this is what you're doing and why, then I think you can get into the more clinical discussions.  Just my thoughts.

Oh and yeah I would definitely do it with them all together if you can to avoid that sibling rumor mill.