I've been up and down today, nothing is wrong, but just feeling a bit out of sorts. I'm currently watching through "Transparent" for the second time. I began watching it in 2014 and was inexplicably drawn to it. It took two more years with different circumstances and revelations before admitting to myself that I'm Trans.
I've never really been able to cry. There have been times that situations arose and it happened, but those were flukes. I get angry. So angry, it takes a hold of me and I start spouting hateful things at myself, my life. I'll feel anxious and it triggers a rage episode and I break things or accidentally hurt myself.
Over the last few weeks, I've had moments that I tear up, or I have a slight sob that doesn't really culminate. But today, with everything at this perfect moment, it broke. I sobbed. It didn't last terribly long either, but it was so real, like the anger had been. It felt incredible. And I feel it might come back even as I write this.
The so-so day ended with a breakthrough. I feel triumphant in my own rite.
