How do you cope with rejection?

[TransAm]

The girl in my story was always looking at me in the class we shared together. She always sat close to me, talked to me a lot and did the little 'smile, blush and look away' when she caught me looking at her. I was pretty smitten.
One day, she came up to me and said, "You said you wanted to get your hair cut... can I do it for you?"
I just sort of stood there for a second and then agreed. Next thing I knew, she was inviting me to her house.
Get this, though: She invited a friend over--a very 'out' lesbian that was openly talking about girl on girl action--and everything felt very surreal. She hinted that I should take my shirt off to avoid getting hair on it... etc. Honestly, at the time, I had no idea if it was just how girls interacted with one another (very, very socially stupid as a female) or if she was into me in some weird way.
Anyway, after that long and slightly odd night, she continued to talk with me a lot in class and all that. Finally, one day, I bit the bullet and told her I was interested in her.
That's when she told me she wasn't 'that way' and all that. Really hurt and confused me at the time. I, too, went into a 'great, no matter how good I am at anything else, I'll never find anyone because I'm stuck in this ****** body' period. It passed.

Girls are weird sometimes, man.

[cookielover77]

Yeah, I feel you. Your story sounds really as **** too. Sorry you had to go through it.
For me, it was always like this. And this is the third girl I felt a true connection with that said, yeah, you are really great and I really really like you, but I'm not like that 😐
It's just harder every time it happens. And with this one I was so sure she might be into me becuase she initiated everything and kept asking questions. I don't understand that. And I don't know if I can stay friends with her after all this.

The girl in my story was always looking at me in the class we shared together. She always sat close to me, talked to me a lot and did the little 'smile, blush and look away' when she caught me looking at her. I was pretty smitten.
One day, she came up to me and said, "You said you wanted to get your hair cut... can I do it for you?"
I just sort of stood there for a second and then agreed. Next thing I knew, she was inviting me to her house.
Get this, though: She invited a friend over--a very 'out' lesbian that was openly talking about girl on girl action--and everything felt very surreal. She hinted that I should take my shirt off to avoid getting hair on it... etc. Honestly, at the time, I had no idea if it was just how girls interacted with one another (very, very socially stupid as a female) or if she was into me in some weird way.
Anyway, after that long and slightly odd night, she continued to talk with me a lot in class and all that. Finally, one day, I bit the bullet and told her I was interested in her.
That's when she told me she wasn't 'that way' and all that. Really hurt and confused me at the time. I, too, went into a 'great, no matter how good I am at anything else, I'll never find anyone because I'm stuck in this ****** body' period. It passed.

Girls are weird sometimes, man.

[Kylo]

I just feel that if I was born as a man which I am, I would have it all and I would find my peace.

Don't.

You would not have it all and have problems just the same, just different ones - transition (or just being a man) will never take away all of your obstacles and it would not guarantee a love life. There are people who view transition as a panacea and it is not. They will be in for an unpleasant realization. And if you were born a man there is no guarantee this person would necessarily not reject you for some other reason.

Being trans does up the difficulty level of life but doesn't mean everyone else has it easy or simple.

How do you cope with it?

Rejection is a part of life. Everybody can expect to be rejected at some point or other, especially romantically. Sometimes we never get what we want and that is normal. You pick up, move on, and self-improve. More opportunities come to those who do this.

Whatever you do, don't throw yourself at the first person who shows interest, because you want to "experience love". If you want sex, perhaps, but if you want something worthwhile, my advice is to get happy in yourself first. If you can't love/like yourself and feel comfortable alone, being dependent on another person to feel of worth is going to ruin you. Successful relationships - in my view - are best approached from a position of strength, they require effort and energy and you need to have enough of it on board to give and ride any storms out.

[KellyBear]

Hi Cookielover

Perhaps you could be reading the situation all wrong, perhaps she could be very well interested in you. Perhaps she wants to just first get to know you better before confessing that she does like you in that way.

And maybe she just wants to be friends, there are many maybes and what ifs.

Give it time and see where things take you guys. I wish you all the best and I think it will work out for the best. Chin up

Big Hugs
Kelly

[cookielover77]

Hi Kelly,

thanks for commenting.

I don't know, she said that unfortunately, as far as she knows, she is a heterosexual person and that she cant respond to me in that way (when I said I like her).

I just don't have any experience because I've never been in a relationship before, so maybe I am interpreting something wrong. Especially since she is also a really closed person and needs a lot of time to open to new people.

Thanks for support!

Hi Cookielover

Perhaps you could be reading the situation all wrong, perhaps she could be very well interested in you. Perhaps she wants to just first get to know you better before confessing that she does like you in that way.

And maybe she just wants to be friends, there are many maybes and what ifs.

Give it time and see where things take you guys. I wish you all the best and I think it will work out for the best. Chin up

Big Hugs
Kelly

[KellyBear]

Hi Kelly,

thanks for commenting.

I don't know, she said that unfortunately, as far as she knows, she is a heterosexual person and that she cant respond to me in that way (when I said I like her).

I just don't have any experience because I've never been in a relationship before, so maybe I am interpreting something wrong. Especially since she is also a really closed person and needs a lot of time to open to new people.

Thanks for support!

Hi again Cookielover

NP, just trying to see if can be of some assistance

Well it seems as if you might have given her a few things to think about as she said as far as she knows. Perhaps she could learn to know something different.

She seems shy and perhaps scared. Give her time she will come around. You seem to be a very kind and caring person taking her feelings into consideration and trying to understand.  Keep at what you are doing and be a friend for her now, and you never know what might happen.

Hugs
Kelly

[cookielover77]

Hi Viktor,

But, at least, if I was a Cis man, girls would give me a chance if they liked me as a person really much. That's how I see it. Of course there would always be problems, but maybe I would just get a chance for a romantic connection because they like me. Currently I am not getting a chance because I'm physically a woman which doesn't contemplate with my mind (and girls sexual preferences).

I understand that rejection is a part of life. What's bugging me is that I only know about rejection in my life. I know the feeling when I like somebody, but I don't know what's it like when somebody likes you. I don't know the feeling when it's mutual. I don't know a first thing about love. And I'll be 30 pretty soon. After every rejection I picked myself up and focused on me. And it still ended up the same. That's why I believe I will always hit up with rejection unless I transition completely. Or I can just be sad and miserable for the second part of my life (because I've been like that after every rejection in the first 30 years).

Don't.

You would not have it all and have problems just the same, just different ones - transition (or just being a man) will never take away all of your obstacles and it would not guarantee a love life. There are people who view transition as a panacea and it is not. They will be in for an unpleasant realization. And if you were born a man there is no guarantee this person would necessarily not reject you for some other reason.

Being trans does up the difficulty level of life but doesn't mean everyone else has it easy or simple.

Rejection is a part of life. Everybody can expect to be rejected at some point or other, especially romantically. Sometimes we never get what we want and that is normal. You pick up, move on, and self-improve. More opportunities come to those who do this.

Whatever you do, don't throw yourself at the first person who shows interest, because you want to "experience love". If you want sex, perhaps, but if you want something worthwhile, my advice is to get happy in yourself first. If you can't love/like yourself and feel comfortable alone, being dependent on another person to feel of worth is going to ruin you. Successful relationships - in my view - are best approached from a position of strength, they require effort and energy and you need to have enough of it on board to give and ride any storms out.

[cookielover77]

Thanks a lot for your help, I really appreciate it! Especially since I don't have nobody to talk to.

Yeah, she said that as far as she knows she's completely heterosexual so she cant respond in the same way, but that she can support me in any other part of my life. Yes, she is definitely shy and a closed person.

So, this happend on Thursday. I'm  taking some time without texting her. On the other hand we had scheduled an outing on next Friday and now I don't know if I should text her next week and go to see that movie with her.

I don't want to make it weird or anything.

Hi again Cookielover

NP, just trying to see if can be of some assistance

Well it seems as if you might have given her a few things to think about as she said as far as she knows. Perhaps she could learn to know something different.

She seems shy and perhaps scared. Give her time she will come around. You seem to be a very kind and caring person taking her feelings into consideration and trying to understand.  Keep at what you are doing and be a friend for her now, and you never know what might happen.

Hugs
Kelly

[KellyBear]

Thanks a lot for your help, I really appreciate it! Especially since I don't have nobody to talk to.

Yeah, she said that as far as she knows she's completely heterosexual so she cant respond in the same way, but that she can support me in any other part of my life. Yes, she is definitely shy and a closed person.



So, this happend on Thursday. I'm  taking some time without texting her. On the other hand we had scheduled an outing on next Friday and now I don't know if I should text her next week and go to see that movie with her.

I don't want to make it weird or anything.

So don't be weird at all the best you can give her right now is your friendship until she is ready to want more.

I think you should go see the movie with her and perhaps try keeping the texting to a minimum unless she wants to text more.

When some girls see that you could be doing your own thing they kinda get a bit jello and want more. Not all girls but I know of some. Perhaps that could be an advantage for you.

[cookielover77]

So don't be weird at all the best you can give her right now is your friendship until she is ready to want more.

I think you should go see the movie with her and perhaps try keeping the texting to a minimum unless she wants to text more.

When some girls see that you could be doing your own thing they kinda get a bit jello and want more. Not all girls but I know of some. Perhaps that could be an advantage for you.

Yes, I agree. Does Monday sound ok for me to text her (she just liked something I posted on Fb)?
And yes, if she tries to text more, I can just keep it short. That would be totally different than now.

[KellyBear]

Yes, I agree. Does Monday sound ok for me to text her (she just liked something I posted on Fb)?
And yes, if she tries to text more, I can just keep it short. That would be totally different than now.

Yeah well text her even still today but keep it like at a minimum of like 3 texts today and if she still texts you then tell Her that you're going out and won't be texting for the rest  of the day but be nice though

I might be giving you the wrong advice here, but it looks like you might have a good plan here my friend.  Plan 1 - playing it cool  activated

[cookielover77]

Yeah well text her even still today but keep it like at a minimum of like 3 texts today and if she still texts you then tell Her that you're going out and won't be texting for the rest  of the day but be nice though

I might be giving you the wrong advice here, but it looks like you might have a good plan here my friend.  Plan 1 - playing it cool  activated

So I just send her a message asking if she is still up for Friday. She said of course she is. I said I'll text her on Thursday with details.

So, I guess we'll see how this Friday will go.

[KellyBear]

So I just send her a message asking if she is still up for Friday. She said of course she is. I said I'll text her on Thursday with details.

So, I guess we'll see how this Friday will go.

Well she seems eager and that's a great sign.

Okay cool , wish you the best of luck . Let me know how it goes.

[cookielover77]

Well she seems eager and that's a great sign.

Okay cool , wish you the best of luck . Let me know how it goes.

Thanks a lot! I'm just hoping that nothing will be weird. I'll post updates after I see her.

[cookielover77]

So,

we saw each other today! Since it was raining, our movie night in the open got canceled, but we went to a small boutique cinema.

What's great about this is the fact that I already had tickets for the cinema in the open, so since it was postponed, I'll see her again this Monday when hopefully it won't rain!

Today we didn't talk much which was fine for me because it was strange a little bit for me since she knows. She also behaved a little bit differently, but she was still really nice and talkative! I believe she noticed I was a little bit nervous since she helped me out through one small break :/

We laughed a lot during the movie and she bas the most funniest laugh I've ever heard!

In the end, I believe she felt comfortable with me (although I believe she noticed I was a little bit nervous), especially since she asked when the postponed movie will take place just before we said bye.