Struggling with my natural hormones

[seth.james]

Was anyone else really sensitive to their hormonal cycles pre-T? For years I've been experiencing this horribly irritable, depressed span of time between periods that would make me think my period was about to come again early. A little research has shown that in biological females there is actually a spike in estrogen 14 days after the beginning of one's last period, which is exactly when I seem to be experiencing this. A lot of what I once thought was standard depression is starting to look rather hormone-related, and I'm experiencing significant dysphoria not only during my period, but in the week before and at this midpoint thanks to hormones.

Am I alone in this? I've heard transmen talking about their period and needing feminine hygiene products making them feel dysphoric, about their bodies making them feel dysphoric, about the way others see them and address them making them feel dysphoric, all of which are true for me too--but I've never heard anyone else say their hormonal fluctuations made them feel this way as well. Honestly, the hormones seem worse to me than the period itself, because I feel entirely unlike myself when they're causing issues. I used to think I just had very bad PMS, but I'm starting to think there's just always been this accompanying feeling of "something's not right here; I'm not supposed to feel this way."

I was crying so much at work at one point that a coworker began to think of this feature as "part of who I am." I know she was being nothing but supportive and accepting, but that comment did not sit well with me. This was just before I realized I was transgender, and something in my head was screaming that this wasn't right; this isn't me. I have almost no control over the crying when it happens. I have been doing much better since presenting and dressing as male, but the dysphoria accompanying these mood swings and hormonal fluctuations continues.

Will T help this at all? Has anyone experienced something similar? I'm starting to feel hopeless. Birth control definitely did not help; it just created a month's worth of that hormonal irritability, depression, and dysphoria that I couldn't even properly verbalize at the time. I know T doesn't shut down those fluctuations immediately or entirely, but is there reason to hope it will help?

[MeTony]

I have no goood answer to your question about T, but I did a hysterectomy 7 years ago. My mood is soooo much better. No ups and downs. No periods. No pain. It feels great.

Not saying you need a hysterectomy immediately, you must think it through before doing it. It can't be reversed.

[Kylo]

Yes, T will probably get rid of it. Or at least suppress it some until it kills off the female functions fully.

I never experienced PMS, ever. But there are transmen who do and so far I heard after T things improve psychologically on most fronts. It will also get rid of the cause of it.

[widdershins]

I wouldn't say my monthly cycle caused me gender dysphoria Pre-T, but it drove my anxiety and depression through the roof at certain times. T has, fortunately, leveled everything out. I'm early on enough that I'm still getting periods, but the mood swings aren't nearly as dramatic. I'm no literally suicidal for three days a month, just moderately depressed. That's admittedly a low bar, but still a huge improvement for me. And presumably when my cycle finally stops entirely, the mood swings will too.

[Elis]

Yep. knew my period was going to come soon pre T due to an increase in body dysphoria. The only reason I thought of as to what was causing that was an increase in estrogen every month. I also experienced a lot more depression and anxiety during this time. It was like my mind and body was being controlled by an unknown entity. It's hard to describe. I can sympathise with what your coworker said to you.  That wasn't part of who I was at all. I still think of my reproductive organs as a mistake of nature.

Once I was on T the monthly incidents became much less dysphoric or depressing. I could almost feel the T stopping much of the estrogen from building up.

Maybe trying other types of birth control pills may help?

[seth.james]

Thanks for the replies, all. Good to know I'm not alone in dealing with these mood swings.

Elis, yeah, that all sounds really familiar to me. I hope I have a similar experience once I'm on hormones. I've tried a couple kinds of birth control. One created serious issues and the other did nothing at all. I'm not taking any birth control at the moment. I'm going to be on T pretty soon, though, so hopefully that will help with those mood swings as well as just generally helping me to feel more myself.