Should I tell him I'm transgender?

[Wild Flower]

OKAY HE FINALLY MESSAGE ME: He said "o". Then he ask me about 4th July. Then he apologize for not messaging because of work and everything. Then he said "word". So to me word means he has the same feeling for me.

BUT HE BEAT AROUND THE BUSH HARDCORE!!!! I don't know if he's okay with his sexual orientation, but he beat around the bush.....

[Wild Flower]

I'm so distress about this. He didn't say he love me too, just word. Like wth. Eghhh.  Like this is the first time I told a person (in real life; not from internet) my true feelings about them.

It's a yes or no, no maybe.

[Aurorasky]

I don't understand. You are fretting over a guy you barely know who asked you to move in with him 6 months ago. What? Am I missing something? You told him you loved him and he replied "word"? I'm so confused. I'm sorry, I don't mean this to be rude, but you do sound desperate at the moment. This situation would have raised reds flags from the start. He is moving too quickly. That could be even dangerous for you.

The right person will come along. But until you keep deluding yourself, you'll miss actual opportunities to meet someone you really like.

[Cheaney]

Him being that non committal after asking you to move to another COUNTRY with him gives me some pretty big red flags. Jmo.

[KarynMcD]

He said "o". <snip> Then he said "word". So to me word means he has the same feeling for me.

No, it doesn't.

but he beat around the bush.....

That what guys do.

He's trying to be polite, get off the topic and get back to being just friends.

[bubbles21]

OKAY HE FINALLY MESSAGE ME: He said "o". Then he ask me about 4th July. Then he apologize for not messaging because of work and everything. Then he said "word". So to me word means he has the same feeling for me.

BUT HE BEAT AROUND THE BUSH HARDCORE!!!! I don't know if he's okay with his sexual orientation, but he beat around the bush.....

Judging from what you have told us here i would advise you to back away a bit and if he wants you then he will let you know.

[JulieOnHerWay]

Wild Flower
You are getting some very cogent advice from several people who have been down the road you are considering going down.  While we all get over our skies when it comes to relationships, you are at a beginning and as others have suggested there are too many red flags to make the leap.
So little sis, how about you back off(as painful as it may be).  Wait on his communication and just keep it friendly like it was before.  If he is interested in a different relationship he will be much more explicit than "word".  All his responses, in my interpretations, is he is not as interested or is very confused.  Neither situation is good for you. 
AND IF he actually makes a clearer interest, then you start a long serious, in-depth heart-to-heart chat about your TG-ness.  And make him do the talking.  You know his gender.  He does not know yours and if their is any confusion it will come back to hurt you much worse than anything at this point.  And we don't want our cute little sister hurt.  While we may be Momma bears, there not much we can do to equalize in your real life.
So sweetie, why don't you work on you, build your real world tg friends, go to school.  In other words, be the best girl you can be and let him catch up with you.  And if he does not catch up, you have dodged that pain and become a better girl for it.

[Wild Flower]

Thank you JulieOnHerWay,

These are the best responses I needed to hear right now. I never bare my soul to someone, but I like it. It gets to the point. I'll do THAT more often.

And all you are right. He told me late last night, "I'm attracted to girls, sorry but a lot of people think I'm gay because of how I act".... he wanted me to live with him as a friend the whole time.... I told him I love him, and I'm transgender.

He just really like me as a friend all this time. I feel like Scarlet O'Hara after she realizes that Ashley never loved her when her best friend was dying. Well, back to the drawing board... He really should not had ask me to live with him.... that's a romantic move not a platonic move. I think he is just stupid.

Get this, he still wants to talk to me tomorrow. I really don't want too. I'm kind of like, 'I'm sorry, I'll go on now'.

[Wild Flower]

I don't understand. You are fretting over a guy you barely know who asked you to move in with him 6 months ago. What? Am I missing something? You told him you loved him and he replied "word"? I'm so confused. I'm sorry, I don't mean this to be rude, but you do sound desperate at the moment. This situation would have raised reds flags from the start. He is moving too quickly. That could be even dangerous for you.

The right person will come along. But until you keep deluding yourself, you'll miss actual opportunities to meet someone you really like.

He told me I was beautiful about two times. He took me to dinner and the movies multiple times. He also wanted to talk to me every day when I knew him. He always touch me, even my nose.

So that's why I thought he felt the same way.

But I was wrong.

[SadieBlake]

You're clearly both too young to have learned how to communicate clearly and you, hon are a bit on the needy side. Let me put on my optimistic hat and give you some ideas.

Someone who cares for you and I'm guessing read you as feminine enough to be attracted could be a good relationship for you, whether that means a close friendship or romance.

So rather than just turning your back on it, I suggest you educate him that you're female, let yourself simply have a friend and be honest and open. You never know, that might just become the romantic relationship that you wanted, or it may not even b.ecomw a strong friendship but if you just walk away then it surely becomes nothing.

Meaningful relationship begins with really communicating the truth about yourself, and caring for the other person in the relationship for who they really are, not who you want them to be.

[Angélique LaCava]

You sound crazy wild flower. You get hung up on guys who say words they would say to a friend. Word is basically a blowing off saying, he doesn't want to hurt your feelings. I don't understand why why ask "should I tell him I'm a transgender?" Your living as a guy so what difference it makes? If your living as male and looking male whether you say your trans he's not going to see you as a woman. Get over it and stop Overthinking harmless friendly gestures.

[Charlie Nicki]

You sound crazy wild flower. You get hung up on guys who say words they would say to a friend. Word is basically a blowing off saying, he doesn't want to hurt your feelings. I don't understand why why ask "should I tell him I'm a transgender?" Your living as a guy so what difference it makes? If your living as male and looking male whether you say your trans he's not going to see you as a woman. Get over it and stop Overthinking harmless friendly gestures.

I'm confused, I thought Wild Flower was already presenting as female.


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[JulieOnHerWay]

Thank you JulieOnHerWay,

These are the best responses I needed to hear right now. I never bare my soul to someone, but I like it. It gets to the point. I'll do THAT more often.

And all you are right. He told me late last night, "I'm attracted to girls, sorry but a lot of people think I'm gay because of how I act".... he wanted me to live with him as a friend the whole time.... I told him I love him, and I'm transgender.

He just really like me as a friend all this time. I feel like Scarlet O'Hara after she realizes that Ashley never loved her when her best friend was dying. Well, back to the drawing board... He really should not had ask me to live with him.... that's a romantic move not a platonic move. I think he is just stupid.

Get this, he still wants to talk to me tomorrow. I really don't want too. I'm kind of like, 'I'm sorry, I'll go on now'.

Sweetheart
He need to grow up and you do too.  And it will only be a positive growth for both of you if you 2 do it separately.  There is a dissertation worth of disassembling, analysis and options from your open-heartedness.  But it would all boil down to: "Run Forrest, Run".
And to let you down a little easier.  Maybe one day after some living apart you two can find a place to be more like you want than he says he wants now.

[Wild Flower]

I'm confused, I thought Wild Flower was already presenting as female.


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I haven't done it yet.... I'm doing it after I leave my job, because I want to be surrounded by complete new people.

Angélique LaCava,

Prozac is making me really numb right now... like it's at a "I don't give a F" at the highest level. I'm doing the things I would be way to scared to do, but it's like... NOW is the only time that matters. I would never done that otherwise... cause usually I would be just thinking/what ifs/and such.

You are completely right. I thought somehow someway he would understand, but I put him position he never was in.... I never met a heterosexual guy who did all that "call me beautiful, live with him, and he touch me too much"... (I don't consider that as friendly stuff, but flirting).

Oh, and I was 35% crazy this weekend. I sent a text to my friend that I use the Virgin Mary as a source of power (like wicca; ....he's Catholic though so whatever; he probably thought I was crazy). That's about it though.

I am ignoring him now, and then I delete him off my contacts after a month or two. (that way it's all irrelevant then).

[Wild Flower]

Sweetheart
He need to grow up and you do too.  And it will only be a positive growth for both of you if you 2 do it separately.  There is a dissertation worth of disassembling, analysis and options from your open-heartedness.  But it would all boil down to: "Run Forrest, Run".
And to let you down a little easier.  Maybe one day after some living apart you two can find a place to be more like you want than he says he wants now.

I am not going to ever seek him out again. He told me how he felt now, so I got to forget about him. If I try anymore, I am desperate.... no, not going there. Plenty fish in the sea.

[elkie-t]

I wonder if he invited you to live with him in another country as a friend, and you told him you are transgender, is the offer to live with him still on the table? Would you want to have his friendly support through transition in another country? I'd cost of living or level of acceptance of transgender person is better there? Would you want to be able to date other people, yet still have a chance to maybe have something with this guy?

I believe, if the offer is still there, there might be a chance later on to get him interested in new you, and you have to date other guys, not pursue him, for it to materialize...


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[Wild Flower]

I wonder if he invited you to live with him in another country as a friend, and you told him you are transgender, is the offer to live with him still on the table? Would you want to have his friendly support through transition in another country? I'd cost of living or level of acceptance of transgender person is better there? Would you want to be able to date other people, yet still have a chance to maybe have something with this guy?

I believe, if the offer is still there, there might be a chance later on to get him interested in new you, and you have to date other guys, not pursue him, for it to materialize...


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Hmm... I think it is there, but I don't want to talk to him anymore... to me none of that are friendly gestures. I wasn't best friends to be honest, we were just friends (my best friend is whole another topic). She even told me that he was weird (he was flirting a lot; touching my nose, hugging me, coming to me everyday... like NO. No straight guy that.). No it doesn't make difference if I live with him as far as transitioning.

I'm not angry, just embarrass right now.

I also take the blame, I needed to be upfront when he was relevant.

Lesson learn.

[Wild Flower]

I have this community for support, and Second Life.