Feeling hopeless after a breakup

[IGotIssues]

Hey everyone I'm just kind of feeling hopeless.  I got dumped last week and it's kind of just made me feel even more confused and annoyed at life.  I don't know what I am (gender wise). I just know I hate my body and I hate being AFAB.

And well this was the first relationship I've been in and she knew I was unsure of my gender (because we were close friends before we were partners). Only 2 other people know that I'm questioning.

TMI but she basically broke up with me because we weren't intimate, she never communicated it. It was just sudden and pretty emotionless. I'm kinda glad it's over I mean we weren't right for each other, but it hurts.
When I asked why she didn't just talk to me about it, she said the idea of being intimate with me would quote "like walking on eggshells". (Due to me being dysphoric about my body). It just really hurt.  I really value people and relationships; I always have. And being in a romantic relationship made me realize how much I need one.  I need people and closeness.

I feel like I won't be able to be close with anyone though, because I am so unsure of who I am and don't feel comfortable being intimate straight away, I do really need to trust someone.

I don't know my identity, would it be wrong to get in a relationship with someone if I'm unsure of who I am? I feel bad like its taking them for a ride they didn't sign up for. How would I even bring it up? Like after a month of dating? And how would I bring up my body issues.. regarding intimacy?  Like erg so complex.

I don't really want to share with everyone that I am gender confused because it is personal and a vulnerable thing, that I hate even admitting to myself. Only those I trust.

  But I really don't want to be lonely, I really need someone I can just cuddle and talk to :c.  I feel like I'm never going to figure out who I am and as a result never come out and never feel comfortable. Resulting in me just being alone and confused forever.

It's just making me feel depressed and hopeless. Thanks for reading and advice/input would be appreciated.

[Hannah.Emma]

Some of what you have said rang a bell in me.  I am also coming out of a relationship that I have been in for the past 12 years.  To make a long story short, it basically ended the day I went full time.  She told me she had enough of the gender issues.

I have done a little bouncing as it comes to relationships since her.  I tried to date another Trans girl...which didn't work out because we could not connect emotionally.  I slept with a guy for the first time....while fun and sooooo enjoyable, I just can't seem to get emotionally attached to them. Now I am dating another cis-girl and it just feels right to me.  I am at peace in my mind.

My advice to you is simply do what feels right.  Show your potential partner the real you through actions.  The rest should fall into place.  I too thought I would be alone after my marriage ended, boy was I wrong.  Happily so!