I don't know how to deal with it anymore

[rose]

Hi everyone

I have very deep problem I don't know how I can deal with it anymore I'm crying very hard now

Little background about me

I'm MTF from very transphobic and homophobic country homosexual  cross dressing and transgender are consider capital crime
And transsexuals treat like mentally ill homosexuals and given Psychological medications

Hrt transition and SRS/GCS are illegal and non exist in all the country (and few other country near my country)
So finding doctor to help me transition is impossible
I tried to found one in 2006 but they all refuse to help or threat me to call the police to arrest me if I don't leave their office immediately
Other told me they will help me with mental ill drags because being transsexual is mental illness and a major sin (as they said it )
Even one tried to sexually assault me
My dysphoria was great specially I was in my teen back then I was scared from the  male puberty

So I give up finding a doctor and I start self medication that was in 2008

I was feminine even before hrt and I was bully a lot the same thing continue after hrt
I was still in the school back then in 2009 I told one close friend about my transition and me being trans he did not take it well and I end up tricked into gang raped , beaten and they throw me in middle of nowhere naked

It was terrify and Scary
I called family member to help me but the next day he sexually assault me to because I deserve it he said

I couldn't take it I run to my dad and told him I was thinking he will help me

I was wrong since that day my dad treat me worst than before he always bad with me
He always Threading me since I'm child of death and skin alive if I don't act manly he even point a gun to my head I was 8 or 7 back then


Because of him I grow up damage and still till now his bad behavior continues he know I cannot ask for help and nowbody will help me here
He work in Military sector so I cannot call the police for him even if he did not work in the military sector as trans person I have no rights in the eyes of the law
When I was 14 or 15 he put me in jail because he want me to man up
And he even inject me with T so I would look like a man

I cannot call the police for the transphobic and homophobic abuse I face in daily basis because they will put the fault on me and will arrest me instead
(This happens to couple of my friends)

In college the students and the doctors treat me in very transphobic way
I got deny to enter two major final exam because the doctor did not like how I look and since there is no laws to protect me I could not do anything
Students usually gather in group and follow me around screaming foggat ->-bleeped-<- and all the insulting word you can imagine
Even throw rocks at my way
That why I start taking two course or one  in the semester in the early morning where there is no students around
I suppose to take 5 years to graduate but now it's more than 8 and I still have long way to go
One doctor told me leave the college we will not help a homosexual to hold our degree
And other sexually harass me and told me to sleep with him to pass his course

It's nightmare I'm living

Imagine when I go out I'm terrified that I don't come home safe
Anyone can call the police and say hey there is third gender in the mall come and arrest it

It happens to my friends

Or simply people can do transphobic behavior to trans person and no body can tell them to stop

So I don't go out also my dad don't want me to go out for people to see me and shaming the family
Therefore I'm forced to stay home against my well

It's living hell both outside or inside my home

I once tried to leave the home and find a job to be independent
That did not work at all nobody accepted to hired me at all

With source of independent or rights I'm hopeless my fate is unknown

I look feminine now more than before but I can't live as woman even after all these years on hrt
I have srs/GCS letter and soon I will do my surgery but even after my surgery they will never change my documents to female

Now I'm afraid that my family know about my surgery so I'm keep it secret

My dad often say I wish I can throw acid to your face
And other family members treat me bad

There is no LGBT Organizations here to help me

And I cannot just fly to safe country because the visa is so hard to get

They require the person to be employee or have family in there

So basically I'm in very dark place

I'm pretty but I don't have boyfriend ( they see us as sex toy and I don't want to be used )
I'm smart but my college is transphobic
I'm hard worker but no body want to hired me
I'm proud of who I am but everyone see me as shame
I want to live safe as myself but that impossible here

I don't know what to do and how to deal with it anymore

Every day I heard you are useless you are fogggat you are shameful
Kill yourself no body love you
Cut your hair grow facial hair be a man

And if I laugh or behave in feminine way it get worst once my dad throw object to my face after I laugh with my sister and it sound feminine

My family can kill me and get away with it one of my friend buried alive and her family said it's Honor crime so they got away with it

And if stranger kill me and get caught he or she can simply say I was feminine homosexual and my family will drop the charge in exchange of his or her silent
Even if they did not drop it which I highly
Doubt
Their lawyer can easily help them to get out because I'm from LGBT and in the law we can be punish up to death

Needless to say that I'm atheist which is another crime punishable by death in my country that why I have to hide it

I really hope this post don't get me into troubles I don't post personal information about me or which country I'm from for my safety I hope it's enough

I cry hard everyday for what is happening with me

The reason I wrote this post is because I desperately need help and for the world to see and know how hard and extremely difficult the lives of some trans people including myself


 

Sorry English is not my native language and my grammar become bad when I'm emotionally and cry hard

[Aurorasky]

This breaks my heart so much. I don't know what I can say to make you feel better. I wish there would be a way for you to get out of that country and find happiness elsewhere, is there? I feel so bad, I don't even know what to say. I'm sorry you have to go through all that.

[Kendra]

Rose, although it is difficult to permanently move away from friends and family I believe you will have to for your safety.  I know doing this will be very difficult without a travel visa, and travel is expensive. 

You need to somehow cross the border into a country that will allow you to apply for political asylum, or at least get to a neutral location - and from there, find a way to travel to a country where you can safely re-establish yourself. 

Since you haven't graduated from college yet, does your school offer an international study program?  (And please do not identify your school or location).  They might not offer that,  but just an idea.  Or can you transfer to a local school that has any type of international program you might qualify for now, or after you take additional classes?  Update your study area to aim for international travel - language or cultural studies - and then get out of there quietly. 

Based on your description, graduating from college should not be your main goal right now.  Your personal safety is. 

[Janes Groove]

I agree that asylum is probably your best option from what you have described.

Maybe this website might be of help:

http://www.immigrationequality.org/get-legal-help/our-legal-resources/asylum/applying-for-asylum/

[Wild Flower]

WOW. You need to be on CNN or on news website. Get Diane Sawyer/Barbara Walters over there to interview you.

Acid? That's insane.... get away from him!! Acid is always the worse thing I think someone can go through!

[RobynD]

Wow so very sorry you have experienced this. I second the advice to seek asylum in another country. Canada is i believe known for accepting LGTBQ asylum seekers.

[KathyLauren]

Rose, I am so sorry you have to deal with this.  No one should ever have to.

Contact the embassy or consulate of any friendly country and ask them how to claim asylum.  Canada is a good one, or many of the European countries.  You will not need a visa to claim asylum.  Tell them what you have told us.

Embassies are usually located in capital cities, and many countries have consulates in other major cities.  You will likely have to travel to the embassy or consulate of the country you choose in order to claim asylum.

[Wild Flower]

I'm bumping this if you don't mind.

[Janes Groove]

I agree with Wild Flower. This topic needs to be bumped.

This rightchere is real, honest to goddess oppression. Not your average 'Alas, I got misgendered today' fare.

Even if you have no ideas to offer her, a simple "hey. I feel you." could probably help and let her know you care.

I agree with Kathy that contacting an embassy for asylum in another country is a good idea but contacting a western embassy in your own country might be a problem as I suspect they are being watched by government agents.

[rose]

Thanks everyone your words really mean a lot to me I never had any positive feedback here when saying I'm trans usually people here just bullying me and tell me that I should fix myself to be straight man or kill myself

I really want to move to safe place I know Europe is good with the trans rights

But I want to know if the U.K. Good too with trans rights and transgender refugees

[elkie-t]

Try to emigrate from your country somewhere else by any means possible


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[SailorMars1994]

My heart breaks for you. Im really sorry you had to go through all of that

[grrl1nside]

Hi Rose,

I am not sure what info I can provide via links in this post about Canada. Canada is getting to be known as a LGBT friendly country for refugees. Even googling trans Canada and asylum brings up a number of good starter links from reputable organizations like Rainbow Health Ontario. I know one of their documents provides trans friendly links and contact information of organizations that may help LGBT refugee claimants across Canada. I recognized a number of the contact organizations listed although I didn't know every single one. What that help looks like I do not know (e.g. Pre-landing versus after arrival).

Be aware that you might be afraid about surviving (money) when you come to a new country as a refugee. You may want to look on the internet about income assistance and refugee claims. Most Canadian provinces will list their policies online. Canadians love answering questions about the country by the way and there are quite a few of us on the site.

Whatever you do or decide, I wish you happiness and safety. 

[tgirlamg]

Hi Rose!

I'm so very sorry for all you have been and are continuing to go through!!!...Move ahead with determination to find a place of serenity to live your life and let us know how we can help!!!

May your journey forward be blessed

Ashley

[Kendra]

I wish I knew more about individual countries, and how each country handles transgender immigration for individuals under duress or political asylum. 

The following factors come to mind:

• Specific country accepts transgender/LGBTI as a valid reason to grant political asylum.  During the initial interview you will need to describe specific examples and facts where your safety was in jeopardy.
• Basic legal protections for transgender personal safety.
• Legal anti-discrimination protections for employment, and for renting or financing a place to live. 
• Availability of public health care.  For example the UK has public health care but requires a very long wait for HRT and other transgender care.  I don't know that country's requirements for when (or if) an immigrant can qualify for public health care.
• Cost of private health care.  The same procedures and medicines cost quite a bit more or less in some countries.
• Language.  Rose - your English language skills are very good, so it's logical to first consider countries where your language(s) are widely understood.  But it's just one factor - people have also succeeded in countries where they initially knew very little of the language.

Just some ideas. 

[rose]

I have many reasons for asylum one is my gender identity and second is my sexual orientation and third is my religious beliefs  because I'm atheist

Every single one of these reasons put me in real jeopardy
And I cannot live normal life or being safe here
My country Criminalized the gender identity for trans people
And sexual orientation for lgbp
And the choose of religion (once you born with the main religion of the country you can't change it )
All of these three consider capital crimes
So I'm in great risk

My country already return girls who run away because they are atheist

I'm scared that happens to me too because I will face death if that happen

My only hope is to run for Europe or Canada they the only countries I know and are not cooperating with my country to return fugitive

[KathyLauren]

Are you able to travel as a tourist?  If so, you could travel as a tourist to one of those countries and then claim asylum when you get there.

[CharleeGrrl]

Thanks everyone your words really mean a lot to me I never had any positive feedback here when saying I'm trans usually people here just bullying me and tell me that I should fix myself to be straight man or kill myself

I really want to move to safe place I know Europe is good with the trans rights

But I want to know if the U.K. Good too with trans rights and transgender refugees

Canada is much more open to asylum seekers than Britain. You could try Sweden. They are open to LGBTQ persons asking asylum, so long as you can show records of incidents such as what you related to us. I wish there were some way for me to help you.

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[Paige]

Does anyone know how the 3rd party refugee agreement works between the US and Canada.  If Rose came to Canada through a US airport, is she obligated to request refugee status there?  I'm guessing with the current state of things in the US, she would be denied and wouldn't be allowed to apply in Canada. 

[AnneK]

Does anyone know how the 3rd party refugee agreement works between the US and Canada.  If Rose came to Canada through a US airport, is she obligated to request refugee status there?  I'm guessing with the current state of things in the US, she would be denied and wouldn't be allowed to apply in Canada.

That is correct.