Allie's Blog IV: Revenge of Allie's Blog

[Oldandcreaky]

No apology needed. I enjoyed all three posts.

I have bitsy breasts and thus often don't bother with an undergarment, but when I do wear a sports bra, I look so much neater.

The quality of your marriage and the quality of your friends are telling. Their good energy comes from your goodness.

[imallie]

No apology needed. I enjoyed all three posts.

I have bitsy breasts and thus often don't bother with an undergarment, but when I do wear a sports bra, I look so much neater.

The quality of your marriage and the quality of your friends are telling. Their good energy comes from your goodness.

Awfully nice of you to say, and greatly appreciated. I do think it really speaks to the character of those I've been lucky enough to surround myself at least as much, though.

Regardless, the bottom line is I know how very lucky I am and do not for one moment take it for granted.   

[imallie]

Well, it's finally here - "Hair day!" 🐇🤔😉😂

Very excited, but, I have to admit... as with every big step on the journey, there's always an element of "imposter syndrome" that bubbles up on these days, and partially mutes my excitement — at least initially.

There's always a part of me who feels/wonders if I'm not authentic... who measures my story against others and finds it wanting — although I know I have no reason to do so. And it makes me wonder if THIS step will be the one that is too far... where I will take it and feel as if I have finally stepped on the third rail, on what previously had just been a casual walk down the tracks on my journey.

With everything in the past — first day of electrolysis, hormones, telling my wife, my family, etc etc etc... I have found each step not only affirming but energizing. But even so, the day begins with this germ of a doubt, as this one does too.

So... very VERY excited about this morning... but there's still that small part of me cautiously watching for warning signs.

Love,
Allie

[Jenn104]

Well, it's finally here - "Hair day!" 🐇🤔😉😂

Very excited, but, I have to admit... as with every big step on the journey, there's always an element of "imposter syndrome" that bubbles up on these days, and partially mutes my excitement — at least initially.

There's always a part of me who feels/wonders if I'm not authentic... who measures my story against others and finds it wanting — although I know I have no reason to do so. And it makes me wonder if THIS step will be the one that is too far... where I will take it and feel as if I have finally stepped on the third rail, on what previously had just been a casual walk down the tracks on my journey.

With everything in the past — first day of electrolysis, hormones, telling my wife, my family, etc etc etc... I have found each step not only affirming but energizing. But even so, the day begins with this germ of a doubt, as this one does too.

So... very VERY excited about this morning... but there's still that small part of me cautiously watching for warning signs.

Love,
Allie

I feel that same way. "Is this the one that feels like one too many?". Funny thing, it hasn't ever been. I get surprised by even the smallest of small steps.

I read your blog and think you are authentic to the core. Not even a doubt. Enjoy the moment. I kinda think you have this.

edited in- You not only have this, you have earned it and deserve it.

Jenn

[Oldandcreaky]

Hair should be huge for you, Allie, as far as how people see you. How much of your facial hair remains?

[Oldandcreaky]

Waiting to hear how it went.

[imallie]

Hair should be huge for you, Allie, as far as how people see you. How much of your facial hair remains?

I shave now on Fridays (sometimes Thursday if I have to be somewhere) and then again on Sat or Sunday... and then let it grow until my Wed electrolysis session. What it looks like fully "grown" is a light gray goatee. But also there's some hair on my neck, but it's not very visible at this point. Mostly the goatee.  So... fingers crossed end of the year we're basically done?

[imallie]

Ok... here's the update for today. If we were playing "Transition Bingo: First-Time Edition" today? My dauber would be running low on ink.

Got dressed this morning, and was wearing a long-sleeve polo and some Lands Ends stretchy women's cords that I wear a lot. My wife took one look and smiled, pointing to my chest area. Again, I wasn't that aware... but she was right. So ... I went into the drawer and grabbed a sports bra and threw it on underneath. FIRST TIME I've gone out of the house wearing a bra.

Got to the salon. Well, we chose... wisely. I've seen videos and TV interviews with the owner. We've emailed. I knew she was kind. Well she was awesome. She and the salon staff member who was my primary contact. The two of them were just so much fun with me and my wife (the salon owner kept telling my wife "when this is done, we make you blond next! No.. ok... highlights? No... ok.. I'm not giving up..." 😂)

I've been gray since 16... so they started by showing us a gray piece.. but it's synthetic and well, it looked like a mop. We said.. no. They agreed, and said the real natural progression for me and my skin tone and hair would be blonde.

So they showed us a blonde topper. Like YELLOW SUN blonde. And it nearly broke my brain. I mean.. just all the stuff that was happening... hair on my head to begin with and now this bright blonde? Yeah, we were both in agreement as to it being "too much, too far"

Tried another piece but they didn't like it, and then a third which is a blended piece... darker roots and then light brown hair...and it clicked. Everyone liked it. So while we weren't sure if just consulting today or buying we said "let's go for it."

So that meant, they had to die my hair to blend. And just like that... after 40 years... I'm a dirty blonde. FIRST TIME HAVING MY HAIR DYED.

Then the topped was attached, cut and styled... and wow. I mean.. wow.  I really like it. My wife really liked it and the salon folks were crazy about it.  So we had a choice about clips (removable) or beads (semi-permanent — 5/6 weeks at a time)

We went with clips... to give us the option. But we said it put it on and style it and I walked out with it on... and immediately went to a restaurant for lunch.  So ... yeah FIRST TIME OUT IN PUBLIC dressed and with hair.

Lunch was great, no problem. My wife said it was because I was ready. If you had a blood pressure cuff on me it wouldn't have changed the whole time. I was calm. If people were looking I didn't register it. Our waiter came over and said "Good afternoon ladies, what can I get you to drink" and we were off from there.

My only issue was, I realized that I hadn't used the restroom at the salon. I regretted that. My wife said to use it at the restaurant, and I felt that was a bridge too far. She said the place wasn't that crowded, it might be empty anyway and she'd go with me... but I still passed.

Well at the end of the meal we were getting ready to go, and she grabbed me by the hand and basically dragged me to the women's room. First of all, it was grand central station in there. Like there were 1,000 women in there. I'm quite sure I'm not exaggerating.

But even so... did what needed to be done. Washed hands, and walked out and... FIRST TIME USING WOMEN'S ROOM IN A PUBLIC PLACE

Oh and by the way, the photos of me with hair? Shared them with my sibs, our son... my therapist, my electrologist and a couple of friends already. Figured, might as well. Got lots of great feedback.

So... I know the transition book has about 90 chapters. But if we were on chapter 3 yesterday, I feel like we blew through at least the next two full chapters today alone.

Exhaustedly yours,
Allie