I'm new here. Hope I am doing this right.

[Shellie Hart]

I am new here and am not sure about all the rules. I hope I have posted in the right place here. If I am wrong, please instruct corrections.

In short, I grew up in a tough, rough family of big, strong, dark males. I was born male, blond, small and quite girly in appearance (that is, my legs are very long for my height and really shapely ). Unfortunately this made my growing up hell. My father wanted to 'make a man out of me' and forced me to keep my hair very short and wear baggy pants (to hide my feminine shape) and crap like that. I knew I should have been born female from the age of 5. I tried hard to be a strong, tough boy but failed every step of the way. I liked art and girly things and hated playing most sports. But I tried. Again, failed.

So here I am approaching middle age and taking HRT (now 14 months). The changes for me have been profound and I am having a hell of a time hiding the changes. I am closeted and must always be closeted (unfortunately). Otherwise, I am too broke to 'go all the way' anyway.

Anyway, I live in a world that I never fit into and am just making the best of it by living as a cute female while at home. It's my life and I have accepted it for now.

Hope all this makes a little bit of sense.....

[Devlyn]

No, no, no, you did it all wrong. 

Just kidding!   

Welcome to Susan's Place, Shellie! How are the hormones treating you? Is staying closeted going to be an option? See you around the site!

Hugs, Devlyn

[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. You will find the rules in the greeting links below but as long as you are polite to the other members, you will find the staff willing to work with you. You posted in the correct place but if you didn't, it's easy for the moderators to move your post to the correct location. All of the staff members are here to help make your stay with us more enjoyable so feel free to ask any questions you might have.

We issue to all new members the following links so you will best be able to use the web site.

Things that you should read

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy

[V M]

Hi Shellie 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

[DawnOday]

So you're one of the other persons in my same canoe. Seems there are a lot more than the two of us. Welcome  Looking forward to sharing experiences.

Dawn

[Shellie Hart]

Well, I guess I am one of the 'lucky' ones due to the strong reactions to estrogen. Because of life requirements, I have no choice but stay closeted forever. Unfortunately, there simply are no other options for me. If I had a time machine, I know what I would do! I have accepted that and am now okay with it, I suppose (I don't know how this relates to many others here. Just keeps me sane). My breasts started growing at 3 weeks HRT and have not stopped. I was nearly flat when I started. I have to admit I am a little concerned now. The bra-fitting websites keep insisting I am a D-cup, but I wear B and C-cup bras. They fit nice and snug. Since I am really slim, these boobs are quite obvious in any shirt now. Nipples are way too big and erect for my own good. If it weren't for that, I might just look like a skinny guy with unnaturally pronounced pecs. I notice strangers all day looking down at my chest whenever I walk in to a room (I love it but hate it at the same time). It was so clear at the dentist office last week, how everyone in the waiting room simply stared at my chest. These things really poke out all my shirts (I only wear the more baggy button-ups now). I have now considered stopping HRT but I really don't want to. I have to admit I hope they don't grow much anymore. Other changes have been good too, but it's the breasts that are most significant.

I live as AMAB during the day at work and outside home. But I live totally female while at home. I live alone now (been divorced over 10 years). Ex-wife suspected things (she was actually jealous of my legs, for Pete's sake....I look great in 5" spikes...) but I never said anything about my true self.

So much more to tell. But that's all for now. Thanks so much for the welcome.

Back to work...

[Dan]

Welcome, Shellie!

On the one hand I'm happy for you that you are able to be yourself at home, but I am profoundly sad that you feel that you must stay closeted for the rest of your life.

In relation to staying closeted, I don't know how you are going to achieve that considering that, as you said, people are already noticing your developing chest.

Of course, I don't know anything about your personal circumstances, however life is never black and white, as much as we sometimes would like it to be because we think we can then control it all. The reality is, we live in a multi-coloured world which challenges us to re-assess who we are and how we want to live our lives.

Never think that there is only one option in our lives to choose from. There are many if only we open our eyes to start seeing the many paths we do have open for ourselves. After all, you decided to take that first step out of the path that your parents tried to force you onto, by taking hormones. Open yourself to the possibility of branching out of the path you have forced upon yourself.  It doesn't cost anything to imagine different scenarios

You are definitely not alone. It may seem that way, but as you start reading other people's stories in this amazing place, you will be surprised how many people have had similar experiences and how many have turned the cards life has dealt them into a winning hand.

Have fun exploring!

[elkie-t]

Hi girl, there are very few true musts in this life, but if you insist - how about you must be happy and respected as a human, no matter whether you present as male or female?


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[Jailyn]

Hi girl, there are very few true musts in this life, but if you insist - how about you must be happy and respected as a human, no matter whether you present as male or female?


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This is so true be happy with oneself in whatever form you are!!!!

[Desire]

Welcome!!
Congratulations on your HRT success thus far!!  I'm also "closeted" due to Family Role, Occupation.  For me, personally, the changes I've experienced and will are extremely satisfying and I'm content.
My hope for you is that you'll find solace in your transition and applaud yourself.  At some point you may have more freedom but until then be Proud of you!!
Smile
Desire