Quote from: Amoré on July 09, 2017, 09:44:10 AM
. . . I can make a list of things I want to change and they can bother me when interacting with people and I end up making excuses for my voice bigger hands. I am still struggling to shake of bulk from when I was body building although my body feminized a lot with hrt I still carry so much unnecessary bulk. People tell me my voice is passable and husky I just sound totally fake to myself. . . . I get bad social anxiety because of this and tend to steer away from social events because of it. 
Welcome to the world of womanhood. Cis women can tell you all about this. Here's an exercise for you to try: Go to google and type in the phrase "I hate my breasts." I just did this search a minute ago and google returned 2,390,000 hits in 0.38 seconds. The huge majority of the hits are cis women stressing over their appearance. I have no doubt you would get comparable search results if you asked about hips, hands, voice, or anything else you might plug in.
Lady Sarah put her finger on it. We are our own harshest critics. This is true for most people, but it hits with special impact and cruelty on trans people, because of our history of gender identity issues.
We are deeply aware of our own flaws. But most people (trust me on this!) are pretty oblivious to all the specific features of others they meet. There's no such thing as purely male or purely female figures or features or characteristics. All of us fall somewhere on a continuum with respect to build, height, weight, speaking range, masculinity/femininity, breast size, muscle development, fat distribution, hair and skin texture, etc. For each characteristic you worry about in yourself, you can find a cis woman who falls farther on the "male" side of the spectrum than you do. But she is still recognized by everyone as being a woman.
When we meet a new person, we tend to make an initial conclusion in a fraction of a second whether this new person is male or female. We don't go through a conscious process of rating this person on a male to female scale on dozens of specific characteristics. We don't think "I think this is a woman, but why does she have a raspy voice?" Because in this big world, lots of women DO have raspy voices. Or big shoulders. Or whatever. In practice, once we have made our initial assessment ("male or female"), we tend to ignore those specific features that seem to be at odds with our initial judgment.
As you describe it, most people you meet make that initial split-second decision to identify you as a woman. That's SO great!
Lots of cis women go through life worrying all the time about their weight or breasts or hair texture or whatever. Regrettably, it's part of the socialization of women. It's reinforced by advertising and marketing messages that constantly bombard women to undermine their self-esteem in order to get women to buy products and services to ease their anxiety.
You might want to talk to a therapist about the anxiety you feel over whether you conform to specific social standards of appearance. Lots of cis women have done that, and therapy can help get you to a point of changing what you want to and can and not worrying about the rest. But please understand that what I'm talking about here is not really a transgender issue. It's just garden-variety social and appearance anxiety.
Here's what you need to keep uppermost in your mind as far as gender is concerned: most people meet a woman when they meet you. Lucky them! Lucky you!
