Introduction for Jenna

[Jennagirl]

Hello all. I have recently posted a couple of questions and thank everyone for their feedback. I finally took the time to write a little about myself. I have lurked here for several years but am trying to finally start the journey that will change everything I know.

Thanks for reading and I hope you all will continue to help us newbies!

Background
I've had an unhappiness about me all my life but never really knew why.  Recently I have been really focused on what this is about and I realized that I suffer from gender dysphoria. I have been distracted by this "something" for so long and since this realization many pieces of my struggles are starting to make sense. This dysphoria has been there all along and I never knew.
"I can be happy at things in life but I am not happy with me"

About me
I am 48yo and  6'2" and hovering around 230lbs the past 10 years.  To look at me you would see the typical male. Love the outdoors, hunting and fishing, working on my boat, and playing almost any sport.
I started wearing womens underwear and swim suits at age of 16. I can remember laying in bed as a kid pretending I had hips and a tiny waist.  In high school had to wear tights for different plays and loved the feeling.
I've had  "man boobs" all my life. As a kid and teenager I hated going to the beach or pool.  I was uncomfortable going shirtless from earliest memories because of them.
I stopped buying men's underwear at age 28.
I just started seeing a therapist this month

Mental State
I am unhappy pretty much all of the time and just can not shake it. This is not depression as I sleep fine, eat fine, have energy. 
When I get time to wear breast forms and present female I have this peaceful calm in and around me

Immediate Goals
Start HRT
•   Get rid of feeling of unhappiness, the black cloud of unhappiness
•   Grow real breasts
•   Shrink or get rid of testicles
•   Increase size of butt and hips
Continue to see my therapist
Start to be happy again

Longterm Goal
See where this journey goes
Be HAPPY!

[V M]

Hi Jenna 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that we offer to all new members to help them along

Please be sure to review:

Things that you should read

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
  
• Reputation rules
  
• News posting & quoting guidelines
  
• Photo, avatars, and signature images policy
  

Hugs

V M

[Wanda Jane]

Wow, we sound a lot alike. Except I used alcohol and drugs to drown that feeling for many, many years. I'm 55, 6'2 and about 225. I've been living my new life full time for about 7 months now and on HRT for 6. I didn't know how unhappy I was until I found real happiness. I love waking up in the morning now, I'm sober now too, and seeing me blossom. I've already come so much further than I ever imagined. Every day is an adventure and I learn something new about myself. I believe this is what life was meant to be. I know for me this was the answer to that unhappiness.
P.S. Don't worry about height. I just think "runway model" and rock those heels!

[Dan]

Welcome, Jenna, and thank you for sharing your story. Those stories are important because you will find that most of us have similar stories and this makes us all feel less 'freaky'

I definitely would no worry about height and big skeletal structure. I have two natal female friends who are your height and look like they could lift a couple of fridges without disturbing their hairdo.  And they wear high heels with not a care in the world that everyone has to look up to them. They sure can't walk through a crowded pub without getting stopped by admiring men, though.

You are definitely set for an amazing journey.

[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. I am 6'2" as well and height hasn't been an issue in passing. I ditched the heals long ago and go with flats now mostly for comfort reasons but also because i don't need the height. I would suggest you consider adding diet to your list with a target of about 190 pounds. I am at about 166 pounds and the lower weight helps make your figure stand out.

[Jennagirl]

Wanda - I am glad to hear that you have experienced happiness. that is awesome. Good luck as you continue your journey.

Dan - You are so right, as I spend time here, I see more and more that most of us have a core list of commonality while there are still differences that make everyone unique.

Dena - Thanks for that advice. I didn't add diet on the list mostly because its been a goal of mine for years. I loose 5-10lbs and then something happens in life to throw me a curve ball.  if I could get to 190 I would be extremely happy. 166 like you would be incredible. Good job!

[NancyBalik]

Jenna,  Welcomw!  I am another newbie and another tall girl.  I see many more tall GG's these days.  And there are many women into the outdoors as well as sports.  Nancy

[Dena]

Dena - Thanks for that advice. I didn't add diet on the list mostly because its been a goal of mine for years. I loose 5-10lbs and then something happens in life to throw me a curve ball.  if I could get to 190 I would be extremely happy. 166 like you would be incredible. Good job!

It's not really much of an accomplishment. In my 20's I was about 140 pounds and my best weight is in the 160's. I was up to 203 pounds but I ended up gaining it because my roommate would cook just a little to much and I cleaned up the leftovers. Now I am back cooking for myself, portion control is completely in my control so I make a big batch of food and freeze it in the correct serving sizes. I also don't eat for emotions reason and normally hunger isn't something I feel much so for me, it's more remembering to eat so I have fuel in my system.

Now that you have a goal and are making progress toward it, you might find it easer to stay with you diet. Many of the people on the site joined it well overweight but while reaching for their goal, they also lose a good deal of excessive weight.

[Sarah_P]

Hi Jenna, and welcome!! I'm 6'1, and have been worried about my height being a problem for some time, but I've been noticing that there are a lot of cis women just as tall (or taller!).
Definitely look into hair removal, too (if you haven't already). It can take a year or two of treatments to completely remove it!
Being happy is a very important goal! It's the reason most of us are here! I know I've been soooo much happier since accepting myself as Sarah & moving towards truly becoming her.

[Jennagirl]

Sorry for not relying sooner. I am not too concerned about the height (cant say I haven't thought once or twice about that and the size 11 1/2 mens foot either). 2 concerns I have are 1. That as I proceed with HRT that I will lose interest in that outdoor stuff and i does scare me because it has been a huge part of my life and is probably the biggest source of happiness that I experience. Other concern is that for so long I have been stereotypically programed to be that alpha male because of my build. Because of that things like emotions and tears have long been repressed.

[Dena]

If you are using an activity to cover the dysphoria, you might lose interest in it. If it's something you truly enjoy, you should continue to enjoy it. I was interested in photography, electronics and computers long before I started HRT but I still have an interest in all these activities plus a few more.