Hi everyone! I'm Maddie and I'm from Binghamton NY. I've been dealing with being trans in one way or another since I was 6 years old. I'd start by sneaking some of my sisters clothes into my room and playing dress up lol, and it was on and off for a while, but I have an old journal from when I was 9 where I talked about it. Things started getting a little more intense once I hit puberty, I started questioning myself more and I'd daydream a lot about being a girl (in high school I wanted to join the school's girls volleyball team! never did though). I ended up dressing as a woman for halloween a few times, I think it was back in 2003, 2006, 2008, 2010, 2013, and 2016 (wow, I didn't realize it was that many times til just now! Transitioning has always been on the back of my mind. Unfortunately, I developed a drinking problem back in 2012. I got in the habit of drinking every night because I just wasn't content with where I was in life and I had trouble sleeping and the alcohol helped. In 2013 I finally decided that I really wanted to transition, but I couldn't find the courage to do it or even talk about it yet with friends. Well this year has really turned my life around.
A week into 2017 my foot started to hurt. I got gout. I'm only 30 and I got gout, and at that point I finally decided that I really needed to change. It was hard at first but I got used to sleeping sober, and for a few weeks I was pretty irritable, but after a while this fog just seemed to be lifted and I had more focus. Around this time I was talking to a female friend who would ask about me dressing up, and little by little more stuff would come out and at times I would get to the point where I'd think "OMG I can't believe I just said that, I've been wanting to say this for YEARS". then after one night I decided that it's time, I really need to transition, and if I'm gunna tell this girl about it (long story, we had a falling out and we haven't spoke in almost 3 months) then I might as well tell my real friends about it who I've known for years. So I first told my friend Beth about it because I've hinted at this stuff with her before and she also lives a couple hours away now, so I felt like the distance made it easier. She was SUPER supportive! I was so nervous when I told her, I was shaking! it was so enlightening though, I finally started to feel free! then a couple days later I told another close girlfriend, and then another and another, it got easier for a while, until I had to start telling some male friends. Everyone who knows so far has been supportive though, I'm so lucky to have such amazing friends, I love them so much and they really have helped me with this. I actually had a girls night with 3 of them on Saturday, it was my first time going out in public dressed as a woman (halloween doesn't count!), and it went well! I have some cute pics that I wish I could post but I guess I need to get a few more posts in before I'm allowed to do so, but I'll get there!
So back in February when I decided to transition I decided to focus on weight loss first. I've had a lot of ups and downs with my weight over the years, but now it's going down again and it's going to stay down this time! I started exercising and watching what I eat (I still have plenty of cheat days, oops), but I'm doing very well! I weighed myself back in december and I was off the scale. My scale goes up to 286. As of this past friday I'm down to 220!! My goal was to be at 225 by my bday and I beat it! Speaking of my birthday, it's one week from today, July 17th. I turn 31 and I was originally going to try and start HRT in september, but a couple months ago I decided that the weight loss was going so well that I wanted to start it on my birthday, that way it could also be my re-birthday! I started seeing a therapist back in March that specializes in trans patients, and after 2 or 3 visits she said she was going to approve me and write me an assessment to send to a gender clinic in Oneonta. I went up there about 2 months ago and they interviewed me and said that at my next appointment we could do a physical and get me started on hormones. I go back up there this friday and I'm so excited!
A little more info about me: I love to cook and play music. I specialize in desserts, breakfast, and bbq for cooking, and as for music I've been involved in the punk scene since I was 14 years old. I even saw Against Me play in a basement in Binghamton back in 2002 (there's actually some videos on youtube from that show), so I saw Laura Jane Grace 10 years before she transitioned, how crazy is that?! music has been a great was for me to deal with my dysphoria, I've written some pretty intense songs about it, and it was great way to get my feelings out without directly saying that I'm transgender.
sorry for the long post, I'm just excited about my journey and I'm excited to be here! I've read this board a few times and I have learned a lot, so thank you all for posting here and sharing your experiences! Since I am pretty new I will most likely be asking more questions than giving answers for a while, but once I'm further along in my journey I will be more than happy to share any wisdom I gain along the way!
