Meeting other transpeople for the first time. It was horrible!

[Dena]

I think in general we're worse people than your imaginary good law-abiding neighbors next door. Hiding our deep secrets, loathing in shame, dropping friendships because we want to fit in and not be outed ourselves.

Not totally bad like child molesters, but definitely not above the crowd

I would argue that point. There are things in my personal life that aren't other peoples business. If asked, I don't lie but there is nothing that says everything about me needs to be public knowledge. Even on this site, I don't discuss my personal issues. Why? I feel I can deal with my issues and the issues faced by the members are far more serious that mine. There is no need for me to trouble others with my problems. I have lost contact with the people I knew over the years. This is normal when you are as old as I am. People drift out of your life and you lose the ability to find them again. In addition, I am always willing to do others favors without expecting repayment as long as the privilege isn't abused.

[Janes Groove]

I think in general we're worse people than your imaginary good law-abiding neighbors next door. Hiding our deep secrets, loathing in shame, dropping friendships because we want to fit in and not be outed ourselves.

Not totally bad like child molesters, but definitely not above the crowd

That's how Hollywood used to betray us. Oops! I  mean portray us.

[kelly_aus]

I think in general we're worse people than your imaginary good law-abiding neighbors next door. Hiding our deep secrets, loathing in shame, dropping friendships because we want to fit in and not be outed ourselves.

Not totally bad like child molesters, but definitely not above the crowd

If you want to see yourself that way, go right ahead, but you might want to avoid tarring us all with the same brush. As it turns out, I failed to keep my "dark secret" and had little shame or self loathing. I've got friends I've known for 30ish years, didn't drop them because they accepted me as I was.. They are still my friends.

Comparig us to child molesters is not a good thing.

[Sarah77]

That sounds terrible..but good for you for standing up for decent behaviour.
I had a si ilar e perience when I went to a support group that was more about cross dressers getting spanked. I've no problem with that..but it was too overtly sexual for a support session

[Charlie Nicki]

I think in general we're worse people than your imaginary good law-abiding neighbors next door. Hiding our deep secrets, loathing in shame, dropping friendships because we want to fit in and not be outed ourselves.

Not totally bad like child molesters, but definitely not above the crowd

I completely disagree. None of those things you mentioned makes a bad person, it just makes us human. Cis people also hide things, lose friends, and feel shame. Again, that's only human.

I, for one, consider myself a good person and being trans and having a personal journey to live does not make me less than that.


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[elkie-t]

a) my comments weren't targeting any one in particular (but maybe me). I'm not saying each and every trans-person has done some things in the past (such as being dishonest with their partner or friends), just that a sizable percentage of our community did (especially those still living in closet or coming out late in their life). I apply all I said to myself first, and you may apply it to yourself or not (just be totally honest to yourself).
2) being trans does not make you a worse person. Hiding the fact, you are a trans does not making you a bad person. But lying to your partners because you don't want them to know, acting behind your spouse back, distancing yourself from your trans-friends when they out as trans and you don't want to be outed with them are just a few examples of things, that we might not be really proud of, if being honest with our conscience.
3) and notice, I said 'imaginary' good law-abiding neighbors. Such people don't exist. Most humans have some skeletons in their dark corners. I am saying, one shouldn't expect LGBT crowd to be better than the average Joes, we know we weren't perfect, we don't know about Joes' problems and shortcomings


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[Laurie]

Hi Julia,

  It is sad that your experience was so negative for you. Unfortunately an encounter in a meeting such as this can be as bad as some of the nastiness you find on social media these days. I went to one such meeting myself and like you did not find it a very friendly experience. Perhaps with time and regular attendance it could become a comfortable place to share what is happening with myself and possible a place where I could be of help to someone else someday. But for me I did not like the location and am not likely to return.
  One positive thing about it for me was that I was able to meet someone else from these forums there and we have become friends.
   I did much better meeting 9 of the ladies here IRL while on my month long road trip. One on one they turned out to be awesome people and each has helped me accept myself more and become more confident. though I encountered all of them here on Susan's Place before and had interacted with some of them quite a bit there were other I barely knew. All were a joy to meet in person and talking to them personally help me in some way. I only hope they got something in return from me.
   So Julia I'm trying to say perhaps the group meetings will not work for you though they possibly could given time, you might benefit more by finding individuals close to you and develop a relationship online then perhaps meeting them offline as I did.
   I wish you  better experiences in the future and all the joy you can stand.

Hugs,
   Laurie

[Charlie Nicki]

a) my comments weren't targeting any one in particular (but maybe me). I'm not saying each and every trans-person has done some things in the past (such as being dishonest with their partner or friends), just that a sizable percentage of our community did (especially those still living in closet or coming out late in their life). I apply all I said to myself first, and you may apply it to yourself or not (just be totally honest to yourself).
2) being trans does not make you a worse person. Hiding the fact, you are a trans does not making you a bad person. But lying to your partners because you don't want them to know, acting behind your spouse back, distancing yourself from your trans-friends when they out as trans and you don't want to be outed with them are just a few examples of things, that we might not be really proud of, if being honest with our conscience.
3) and notice, I said 'imaginary' good law-abiding neighbors. Such people don't exist. Most humans have some skeletons in their dark corners. I am saying, one shouldn't expect LGBT crowd to be better than the average Joes, we know we weren't perfect, we don't know about Joes' problems and shortcomings


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Ohh I got your point now. I guess your first post came off wrong.


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