My current struggle

[Molly28]

I always felt like I should have been a girl as a kid, dreamed of it and locked those feeling deep down because it was an impossible wish I was stuck the way I was.  Until recently something has brought them back to the surface idk what but I can't fight it. I've been sneaking out on the weekends buying women's clothes just to dress up in a hotel and dance around.  I'm scared my wife will figure it out.  I just feel so empowered and myself when I dress up.  I'm 28 now and am a very masculine man.  I'm confused and excited.  I don't yet know what this mean to me but I have no one I can talk to about it.
Has anyone else in the community experienced these types of feelings

[elkie-t]

Hi Molly. You are not alone


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[Jacqueline]

Molly,

I think many here had or fought with those feelings. Especially those of us who are a little older. In my case I pushed it all down but didn't really know what it was or what to call it. I waited till 50 and a major mental crash before I did anything. I can tell you one thing. No matter how much you think you can push it down, it will always come back. It also gets stronger. Sorry to tell you that.

There are many of us who are "very masculine". There are some who are okay with it. To some of us it triggers feelings that send us into and mental and emotional downward spiral. This brings me to my biggest suggestion I can give you. If you are not seeing a therapist, you should try to find one. If you can find a specialist in gender issues, even better. I think you need to try to work through just what this all is and what it means for you and those around you.

Like I said I went through much of this about 2 years ago. Don't know if I can be of help but we have a lot of members with many experiences that might help you to talk about. Let us all know.

I may also be moving this thread to our Introductions section.

I also want to share some links with you. They are mostly welcome information and the rules that govern the site. If you have not had a chance to look through them, please take a moment:

Things that you should read

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy

Once again, welcome to Susan's. Look around, ask questions and join in.

With warmth,

Jacqui

[Dan]

Welcome Molly!

You are definitely not alone.

And as suggested already, track down a gender therapist as soon as you can to help you sort things out and prepare a path forward, because pushing such things away won't ever make them go away ( lots of literature on this matter) and it will just come back worse and as you progress through life you will have more and more complications to deal with ( resentful wife who feels she was cheated all these years, kids, career etc).

There are some gender therapists who are very good and are available via skype, so you do not have to be within easy travelling distance.

Get it sorted as soon as you can for the sake of your own mental health and that of your life companions.

[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. Your post doesn't seem to ask a specific question or give me enough information to work off. The standard recommendation would be for you to see a gender therapist but I think I can do a little better than that with two links. The first link is our WIKI where you may be able to find a name that matches what you feel. The "the transition channel" targets transsexualism and if it matches what you feel, we have a name. If it doesn't, we have eliminated one possibility. These links may help you a language to describe what you feel and if you have additional question, feel free to ask them.

[V M]

Hi Molly 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M