I'm struggling with not ever being able to get pregnant.

[ScarletRed]

So one of the things that has been a real big trigger for my depression the last six months or so has been that no matter what surgeries I have I will never be able to have a baby. Recently I saw an aquatint of mine who I haven't seen in about six months and of course she was about six months pregnant. Naturally I was happy for her and did my best not to let my own sadness over not being able to get pregnant show. But when I got home I cried for like 45 minutes. If anyone else has had this struggle please share how you deal with it.
Thanks
ScarletRed


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[Kendra]

Never say never.  Some areas of medical technology were unimaginable a few years ago.  While this option might not become available quickly enough the possibility is more than zero.

Many cis-gender women go through heartbreak when they wish to carry and have a baby but cannot for various reasons.  You are not alone. 

[Shellie Hart]

I guess I am lucky in a way because I never really wanted kids. The reasons are too numerous to list here. I grew up in a crazy family and the religion I was forced to be a part of turned me off to the idea. My parents and family could not understand my thoughts on the subject. My church at the time believed in having lots of children. I left that sect years ago. I saw so much mental and emotional (sometimes physical and sexual) abuse in the church. It all really turned me off.

If you come from a good family then I can see the desire to have kids as a positive thing. Is it because you want to experience the physical aspects of being pregnant like a woman does? Maybe you could replace your sadness with putting your energies into other things? I know this is typical, worn-out advice, but I have found it works well for me most times...

[SerenaOhSerena]

I can definitely relate, I struggled with this for awhile. Don't think I actually ever made peace with it but just learned I'll have to live with it, even if it's unfair and sucks. Yeah there's the potential chance of uterus transplants, but that's not necessarily they same for me personally. That's just being a surrogate. I have dysphoria with never being able to menstruate and bare my own children. Not just the aspect of pregnancy.

[gwencook]

100% can relate to this. I struggled for ages with this and even now when I see someone pregnant it raises my dysphoria levels. I think what sort of makes it worse is when my cis friends complain about their periods and say stuff like "oh your so lucky you don't have to go through this every month". When i came out to my friend and explained that if I could I would go though the cycle every month knowing that one day I'd be able to have my own baby she quickly understood and never mentioned it again.

[ScarletRed]

It's nice to know I'm not alone but also sad to know that there are others out there that share the same pain I feel at not being able to get pregnant. I wouldn't wish this kind of pain on my worst enemy.
Thanks for the support ladies.
Warm Regards
ScarletRed


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[Evolving Beauty]

To me it's the BIGGEST blessing as trans. Kids for me are just a useless burden.

[elkie-t]

If one wants kids, sign up to be a foster parent. Then you can adopt as many children as you can handle


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[ScarletRed]

If one wants kids, sign up to be a foster parent. Then you can adopt as many children as you can handle


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I do plan to adopt one day but that doesn't make not being able to have my own children any less painful.


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[RavenMoon]

I never wanted kids, but I have two. A 12 year old daughter, and 25 year old son. I was there to watch them both being born. That made me realize I wouldn't want to do that! Lol. My daughter's mom almost died in labor too!

I love my kids very much. But if I never had any that would be fine too.

I raised my son myself from age 6 to 12. It's a lot of work.

Lots of cis women friends never had kids and don't want any.

There's lots of kids that need homes!


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[DawnOday]

Actually I would not count that out as they are testing uterine transplants.  http://www.clevelandclinic.org/lp/uterus-transplant/index.html  Progress should be speeding up now that the first transplant has been attempted and new protocols being drawn up. Thinking back in my life, I didn't transition because I never felt good with the prospects that I would be accepted let alone pass. But the opportunity finally came along and the stars, moon and estrogen all aligned. I regret not being able to have a child myself but I made the most of the opportunity to love and nurture and educate my two beautiful kids and to make something out of my thirty five year marriage.  I do not regret taking on the father role as it filled a very deep void in my life. It was like making lemonade out of lemons.

[BriannaR]

I've also struggled with not being able to get pregnant. It took years for me to come to terms with but I'm hopeful that medical technology will advance enough to one day make being pregnant a real possibility.

[ScarletRed]

Actually I would not count that out as they are testing uterine transplants.  http://www.clevelandclinic.org/lp/uterus-transplant/index.html  Progress should be speeding up now that the first transplant has been attempted and new protocols being drawn up. Thinking back in my life, I didn't transition because I never felt good with the prospects that I would be accepted let alone pass. But the opportunity finally came along and the stars, moon and estrogen all aligned. I regret not being able to have a child myself but I made the most of the opportunity to love and nurture and educate my two beautiful kids and to make something out of my thirty five year marriage.  I do not regret taking on the father role as it filled a very deep void in my life. It was like making lemonade out of lemons.

Wow the uterine transplant looks incredible no doubt a transgender woman would have to have a cesarean but it would totally be worth it assuming it ever becomes medically possible thanks for the link.
Warm Regards
ScarletRed


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[noleen111]

This is one topic that makes me very sad.. When I started out, it never bothered me.. but now I am with wonderful man.. and it makes me sad, that he cant get me pregnant and I carry his baby to term.. I do get broody and would love to be pregnant. One of my best friends had a baby and she told me, pregnancy is a very uncomfortable, but magical and amazing and she loved been pregnant. I kinda experienced it once, as my other friend is a nurse and for my friends stork party she got us fake pregnancy tummies (the 9 month tummy) as a fun way to share in her journey.. It was a fun afternoon and I loved wearing the tummy and was sad when it was time to take it off. I sent a picture via what-app to my man with me wearing the tummy.. he said I looked amazing..


The uterine transplant looks incredible. I wonder if they would do it on a trans-woman. A transwoman would properly not be able to give natural birth, due to our hip bone structure which HRT does not change, but I will take a c-section

[Julia1996]

The fact I don't have a period and can't have a baby only bothers me because it's a reminder I wasn't born female. I want the ability to have a child even though I never would. I don't like kids. I have done babysitting a couple of times and that was enough for me to know I don't want kids. Once was for a 5 month old infant. Changing his diapers wad totally nasty! I didn't baby poop could smell that bad! The odor almost burned off my eyebrows. And once he peed all over me and the table while I was changing hIm he also cried a lot no matter what I did. It got to the point I wanted to put him in the freezer so I couldn't hear his crying. (I'm joking of course.) The other child I sat for was a 4 year old. That was even worse. He got into everything and I had to chase him all over the place to keep him out of stuff. He was supposed to be housebroken so he didn't have a diaper. He decided to take a big poo while he was sitting in front of the TV. I had to give him a bath and wash his clothes. If I had to deal with a child 24-7 I would lose my mind! I'm very happy playing mommy to my dachshund.
Julia

[Kendra]

Julia I can relate.  Back when I was married to a cis-gender woman I could have easily had a child with her but decided not to.  One thing I told people back then: sitting near an infant or young child (or someone acting like one) on a long international flight provided a strong endorsement for never wanting to have a child of my own.

This might remind you of the 4 year old you sat for:


And then over the years my point of view changed.  I am probably too old now but really wish I had.  I am even using a sperm bank before HRT kicks in so I don't completely lose this option.

One way I look at this now is - the mess, noise, lack of sleep and expense is partially or completely erased by this thing called love. 

Life is sort of a bell curve.  At each end of our life span we need others to care of us, and we are not always easy to deal with. 

[Shellie Hart]

The fact I don't have a period and can't have a baby only bothers me because it's a reminder I wasn't born female. I want the ability to have a child even though I never would. I don't like kids. I have done babysitting a couple of times and that was enough for me to know I don't want kids. Once was for a 5 month old infant. Changing his diapers wad totally nasty! I didn't baby poop could smell that bad! The odor almost burned off my eyebrows. And once he peed all over me and the table while I was changing hIm he also cried a lot no matter what I did. It got to the point I wanted to put him in the freezer so I couldn't hear his crying. (I'm joking of course.) The other child I sat for was a 4 year old. That was even worse. He got into everything and I had to chase him all over the place to keep him out of stuff. He was supposed to be housebroken so he didn't have a diaper. He decided to take a big poo while he was sitting in front of the TV. I had to give him a bath and wash his clothes. If I had to deal with a child 24-7 I would lose my mind! I'm very happy playing mommy to my dachshund.
Julia

I once had to babysit my 4 year old nephew for a couple hours and he was (still is) out of control. He loved to break away from me and make me chase him at which point he would laugh loudly for everyone at the hospital to see (visiting a sick relative). He would wait for his next chance to run, so I sort of out-smarted him. I grabbed onto his wrist and held tight for a solid hour. He screamed and yanked but I held firm. I could not imagine living with that behavior for years on end. Too many other examples to detail here, but I turned against the idea of kids many years ago.

So many of my relatives (the few I still speak to) ask me what I plan to do when I get old and who will take care of me. Well, in my family, most old and sick people are simply dumped into a nursing home then forgotten. Sad. I just hope I die quickly when the time comes. So sad to have to think this way...

[DawnOday]

The fact I don't have a period and can't have a baby only bothers me because it's a reminder I wasn't born female. I want the ability to have a child even though I never would. I don't like kids. I have done babysitting a couple of times and that was enough for me to know I don't want kids. Once was for a 5 month old infant. Changing his diapers wad totally nasty! I didn't baby poop could smell that bad! The odor almost burned off my eyebrows. And once he peed all over me and the table while I was changing hIm he also cried a lot no matter what I did. It got to the point I wanted to put him in the freezer so I couldn't hear his crying. (I'm joking of course.) The other child I sat for was a 4 year old. That was even worse. He got into everything and I had to chase him all over the place to keep him out of stuff. He was supposed to be housebroken so he didn't have a diaper. He decided to take a big poo while he was sitting in front of the TV. I had to give him a bath and wash his clothes. If I had to deal with a child 24-7 I would lose my mind! I'm very happy playing mommy to my dachshund.
Julia

You get used to it. Like when I gave my Son apple juice as 6 months and he had Hershey squirts all over my bed. You live, you learn. It's different with your own kid. I babysat a lot for my sister when I was in my late teens. I hated those kids. They didn't mind and there was nothing I could do to change that. However with my own kids, I would start counting to three. I don't know what I would have done if I ever got to three. I explained the benefits and dangers in doing drugs. Yes there can be temporary benefits but they are an illusion as it always leads to no good. Been there, done that. But because of my honesty with my kids I am proud to say, neither one of them have chosen to drink or do drugs. The love returned is reward for being attentive, caring and just being someone to talk to. Something I never had with my parents.

[ScarletRed]

Yes I don't deny there are some less appealing parts of having kids but the positives far outweigh the negatives. When I finally meet my special person I will definitely adopt hands down not one bit of doubt I will be the best mom I can.


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[noleen111]

The fact I don't have a period and can't have a baby only bothers me because it's a reminder I wasn't born female.

That sums it up for me too julia. HRT and SRS got me so close.. I look female, i have breasts, a vagina, curvy hips and a female  mind..

but not getting a period and no uterus makes me feel incomplete.. I know, this does not make a woman a woman.. but getting periods and being pregnant is an exclusive female thing.. It makes me sad I cant share in that. Maybe its my age, I am in my late 20's the age where my friends will start having kids..