Never give up hope

stephanie_craxford · August 11, 2006, 10:26:07 AM

This is just more of a comment than anything else I guess. Well I've just completed one year of RLT (Aug 8th) - yay) and through the whole process has been the fact that because of my transition I have not been able to see our only child, our daughter.

Many here know of my situation with her and have given wonderful advice and support through out what I can only say has been an awful ordeal. Well I can happily say that I am going to finally see her this weekend. Finally after a year we are getting together at home all four of us. I can't express how happy I am, and I can honestly say that I now consider my transition and RLT a success.

I guess the key point with all this is to have patience, give those who matter time and space to come to grips with the revelation. our TS issues really affect our children far differently than spouses, friends and acquaintances. Our spouses can leave and change their names and get on with their lives, as can our friends, our children cannot they will always be linked to us by blood, we will always be their father/mother no matter what. So if we are to care for them and want them, then just give them time. It works.

Steph

Buffy · August 11, 2006, 10:31:26 AM

Hi Steph....

That is fantastic and so wonderful to hear. You must be so happy and I feel so good for you.

I have 2 sons. I have not seen them now for 6 years. It was my youngest son's birthday yesterday and I sent him a card, money and a note.

I don't know if he ever gets these cards, but I keep trying, hoping that one day him and his brother will somehow find it in their hearts to see me.....

Stories like yours keep me going, but I am sure that If I don't ever see my Children in this life I will see them in the next. It is all I keep going for..... Just a chance to spend one day with my Children.

Congratulations.... your note has filled my life with hope.

Buffy

Dennis · August 11, 2006, 12:46:04 PM

I'm glad to hear it Steph. It must have been a difficult spot in what has otherwise been a landmark year for you.

Dennis

Melissa · August 11, 2006, 12:56:48 PM

Thanks for the words of inspiration Steph.

Melissa

Sheila · August 11, 2006, 01:21:11 PM

Steph,
Getting together with your daughter is very good news indeed. I'm so happy for you. I have always said that when you are dealing with others, like family and people you love, always be patient. Sometimes it doesn't work as they will never come around but other times the patience works and it was just what they needed to educate themselves and to feel like it is OK. I'm so happy for you, I can't say that enough.
I know very well how you must have felt. I have a son who I have not seen or heard from for 4 years now. I had to think how long it has been. He has had a child who will be 3 this Nov. and we have not seen him at all. We found out that his wife had the baby through the newspaper, then through relatives. I don't think my wife and I will ever forgive him for this. My daughter accepts me totally. He is the only relative that does not accept me.
Have fun Steph this weekend.
Sheila

stephanie_craxford · August 11, 2006, 01:56:37 PM

Quote from: Sheila on August 11, 2006, 01:21:11 PM
Steph,
Getting together with your daughter is very good news indeed. I'm so happy for you. I have always said that when you are dealing with others, like family and people you love, always be patient. Sometimes it doesn't work as they will never come around but other times the patience works and it was just what they needed to educate themselves and to feel like it is OK. I'm so happy for you, I can't say that enough.
I know very well how you must have felt. I have a son who I have not seen or heard from for 4 years now. I had to think how long it has been. He has had a child who will be 3 this Nov. and we have not seen him at all. We found out that his wife had the baby through the newspaper, then through relatives. I don't think my wife and I will ever forgive him for this. My daughter accepts me totally. He is the only relative that does not accept me.
Have fun Steph this weekend.
Sheila

Hey there Sheila.

I know that there were days when I wanted to storm off to her house and bang on the door shouting "I'm not leaving till we talk", but cooler minds prevailed. Yes there were days when I would get so mad at her, especially when she met with Gill, I would get jealous and say some really stupid things. I'm glad she never heard them.

Gill and I spoke about grandchildren as well. Would we/I get to see them, would I have to sneak around to catch a glimps. It was so frustrating as she had no problem seeing and being with Gill, it was just me. Having to find out that you had grandchildren the way you did must have been heart breaking, at least in my situation Gill was still able to see J so I could at least visit her through Gills experiences. Four years must feel like a lifetime, I just hope that you will be able to forgive your son as you hope that he will eventually come round to you.

Hoping for the best for you

Steph

Nero · August 11, 2006, 07:49:45 PM

Hello Steph.
I am so glad that you will be visiting with your daughter. I know how hard the time apart must have been.
I'm so happy for you.

Nero

Chaunte · August 11, 2006, 08:42:36 PM

Steph,

That is wonderful news about your daughter! Congratulations! I am so incredibly happy for you!

Chaunte

tinkerbell · August 11, 2006, 09:32:08 PM

Wow...one year without seeing your daughter and you will finally see her this weekend?....my gosh Steph, this is indeed wonderful news; I'm so very happy for you and hope you have a great time when all of you get together. You're a very kind person; your posts and your advice have helped all of us in one way or another, and of course your RLT has been a success, all of you is a success and an inspiration for many of us. Let us know how it goes (nosy me, again!)

tinkerbell

Shannon · August 11, 2006, 10:08:57 PM

Hello Steph,

Congratulations! I hope you and your daughter can catch up this weekend and I hope everything goes well for the two of you. One year is certainly a long time to be apart. I am so happy for you.

Shannon

Jillieann Rose · August 12, 2006, 01:30:33 AM

Hi Steph,
I'm sure glad that you get to see your daughter.
I hope and pray that all will go well. I know that it was really hard for you.
I don't know if I could have had the patient that you have had.
One of my greatist fears was losing a my chlidren and grandchildren when I told them I was TG. Thankfully the two older boys told me that they loved me no mater what. The youngest son still lives with us but rarely talks to me. He has seen his mom grief because of her morning the lost of her husband. So he is still mad at me for causing her so much pain.
Yes I hope your relationship can be not only renewed but grow deeper and stronger.

Jillieann

gin · August 12, 2006, 09:32:36 AM

Steph,
I think it's great that you are finally going to see your daughter again. I can't speak for all children in this situation, but no matter how mad at my dad I ever got, deep in my heart I just wanted to love him and know that he loved me. There were many post-surgery years that I didn't live with him, and I would act like I didn't care. At school and to my friends I would put on the biggest show about me being a "Daddy's girl" and all these packages my Daddy would send me and all the nights we chit-chatted on the phone and how he was just dying to see me, etc. All that I acted out is what I REALLY wanted, but just didn't know how to show it. I don't think I ever showed my Daddy just how much I loved him and needed him. I think patience on the parents part is the best route. You never know what's hiding deep in your child's heart, and getting angry with them may cause them to never be able to show you.

Good luck with your daughter this weekend! I hope things go as well as both of you dream of!!
Gin

HelenW · August 12, 2006, 12:56:54 PM

I'm thrilled for you, Steph! My heart fills with joy at your news. My two son's live far away from me and I rarely get to see them so I have an inkling of the pleasure that you will have at your reunion.

Be sure to tell us ALL about it later!

helen

Peggiann · August 12, 2006, 02:31:58 PM

OH Steph this is wonderful news. I hope your visit is all you are wanting it to be. I hope your daughter is able to be relaxed and comfortable with the woman you've become in her absence. It will no dought be a shock to see such a transformation because she didn't see it as it was occuring. You are right on about being patient. Remember to be when you are together again after so long a time apart.

Smiles,
Peggiann

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