Dysphoria is coming back

[Amoré]

After living full time for little bit more than a year now it has been a great experience. I really found myself and who I want to be. The only thing is dysphoria have been creeping back. This time it is about my left over facial hair and my privates. It is causing me so much depression. I broke down in the bath tub yesterday and could not look at my own body. I was so disgusted with it. I can't explore and enjoy my own sexuality because of it because I need a vagina for that.

I was walking in the mall and every woman I saw made me more depressed. I just want to have what they have. I can't help to be miserable. Unfortunately it doesn't look if I am going to have my op soon anymore.
I have been trying to get rid of the thing from the age of 11. It just never felt part of me.
It breaks me because it was my way out of feeling this way. If it bothered me I was like in just 6 months. Now I hope it would be 2 years if ever. I just want this so badly because I want to give myself in all to my boyfriend sexually. I want to feel comfortable with my body. I just want to be a woman like any other woman and not a woman with a penis. I hate it I hate feeling this way.

[elkie-t]

Why won't you pick a Thai surgeon (American surgeon if covered by insurance) and book an operation for whatever date is available (which probably will be in a year or two) and start saving money?


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[Amoré]

Why won't you pick a Thai surgeon (American surgeon if covered by insurance) and book an operation for whatever date is available (which probably will be in a year or two) and start saving money?


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I live in South Africa. So Thailand is my only option already had a date on the 6th of Jan but had to cancel it.

[elkie-t]

Sorry for you, I hope you'll overcome this obstacle whatever it is. Meanwhile, focus on finding a solution, not on the problem. It might ease the dysphoria a little

[Jenny94]

Hey Amoré, so sorry to hear you're been feeling like this. I don't know if this helps, but I'm literally JUST starting out myself, and so the fact you've been living full-time is unbelievably inspiring to me. Yeah, having a penis can suck. But women with penises can be beautiful too =D